Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

Were you raised in certain ways which you have rejected as an adult?

Asked by Dutchess_III (45313points) August 28th, 2012

I’m watching Oprah’s Top 25. They just aired a snippet of the Little Rock Nine, (I think aired in 2003 or so) where the nine black kids (then) went to an all-white high school. Oprah had some of the Little Rock Nine (as adults now, 35 years later) along with some of the white kids (adults now) in, to say what they had to say about what happened 35 years ago. One white woman said she was raised in a racist home, so she only did what she had been raised to do…..but knows now how WRONG it was. And she broke that chain with her children

What chain have you broken in your life?

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26 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Both of my kids parents (me and my ex) came from families affected by alcoholism, their mom directly and me indirectly from m father childhood. Both of us did a lot of work to get past that dysfunctional structure, to where my kids have grown up in a demonstrative and communicating family. We broke that chain.

augustlan's avatar

That same one, actually. My family was dominated by my grandfather, who was a racist (and sexist) bigot. I openly dated guys of all colors in my teens, much to his chagrin. When he first found out I was dating a black guy, he wasn’t happy with me at all. When the whole family (including his mother/my elderly great-grandmother) was at the dinner table, he said, “Did you know Lisa Anne is dating a n****r?” So, yeah. That was fun. ~

Dutchess_III's avatar

sigh of relief :)

@augustlan :( In many ways I was lucky. I never knew my grandparents, much less great-grandparents (in some ways, maybe not so lucky)) (<<<—looks like a math problem!). Concerning the Civil Rights Movements, my parents remained neutral. Except for the time I called my 3rd grand classmate (about 1966), Clarence, a n***. He looked so shocked and hurt that I when I got home after school I asked my mom what that word meant. Her response was, “That is a derogatory term for black people that we do not use.” That is the only comment on color my upper-middle class parents made. Which is WAY better than any negative. I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to tell Clarence “I’M SORRY!!!”

filmfann's avatar

Both my parents were shocked when I was dating a japanese girl. They were mildly racist, and didn’t want their kids marrying anyone who wasn’t white.
They were also very pro-Nixon. How could I not reject those ideas?

Nullo's avatar

Nope. My parents are both good, upstanding people; I can only hope to better emulate them.

Dutchess_III's avatar

My folks were, apparently, neutral on Nixon!

King_Pariah's avatar

Raised Baptist. Now nihilistic atheist
Raised not to drink and smoke. Now drink and smoke once in a blue moon.
Raised conservative. Now have no desire to have any political label and get irked when someone labels me as non-partisan or independent or centrist or liberal or conservative, etc.
Raised to believe that family = biological family. Now believe that the term family refers to those closest and dearest to you, which may not necessarily include blood relatives, guardians, etc.
Raised to believe that real men don’t cry. Now believe that real men can cry indeed
Raised to believe that you can atone for wrongs. Now believe that there are plenty of things that can never really be atoned for.
Raised to believe suicide is only for cowards. Now, whatever, hell I toy with it and attempt it
Raised to believe that Time heals. Now believe that Time can cut wounds deeper and wider for as long as it pleases.

tinyfaery's avatar

Atheism. I thank them for making me go to church.

The cycle of abuse will stop here.

augustlan's avatar

Ooh, I just thought of another good one… All the women in my family had their first children while still in their teens. My grandmother started having kids at 17 (as did her mother before her), my mom had me at 19, my aunt (mom’s sister) had her first at 16. I didn’t have my first child until I was in my late 20s.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Went the opposite way for me Auggie. My girls started having babies in their teens (one at 16 for the first, the other 18 for her first.) I was 20 when my adopted daughter was born (married her dad 2 years later,) and 26 then 28 when I had the other two via my own labor pains. Which hurt. Which they are paying for to this day. Mwuhaaaaa!

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

My mother was always very religious. Her whole family. My father’s family was very religious, his whole family.

I was arguing with him one day, over some mild point about the Trinity and Catholic doctrine. He smiled at me and said, “Does it really matter if the son of a bitch was the son of God or not? These fuckers. You are your brother’s keeper. It ain’t rocket science. Anything else in religion is to keep the simple folk happy.”

So I guess I buck a little.

YARNLADY's avatar

My parents were very religious, and I am not. They were both heavy smokers, and I do not smoke (anything). They practiced spanking/hitting as a training method, and I do not.

Pandora's avatar

My dad was an easy going, loving family man and all around great person. My mom was a bit more complicated and pessimistic. I can’t say that I necessarily broke any chain but rather tried to improve some things that better served my life and my situations. They were both so different from each other so I was bound to be a little of both. So I don’t think I can say I broke the chain in either. I swore to not be pessimistic like my mom but I see now as an adult how she was sometimes being realistic. My dad was an optimist and I realize how sometimes that can blind you to the reality of life. So I’m in the middle. Sometimes being optimistic can help you get through the rough patches of life by giving you hope and courage when you need it, and being pessimistic can sometimes save you from possible disappointment and be on guard, and being realistic can prepare you for whats ahead and to be ready to handle things the best way possible. The tricky part is knowing when to be any of them and keep your feet firmly planted on the ground.

bookish1's avatar

Yes. Too many to count. Otherwise, first off I would hate myself because of about 10 different kinds of prejudice!

Blackberry's avatar

Fuck vegetables.

janedelila's avatar

Catholicism. Out the door. I would not torture my children that way. sorry if I offended any Catholics, but geez I hated it

_Whitetigress's avatar

Mother gambled and sent a lot of money to the Philippines. In my family there will be no gambling and all money spent towards our immediate family.

Keep_on_running's avatar

My family thinks in very black and white terms and I’m finally learning the world is full of shades of grey. Actually understanding it and not just pretending to. Lol

Paradox25's avatar

Like one poster above said, my family thinks in black and white as well. As far as the guys in my family were concerned, the buck did stop with me on several fronts. I was the first guy in my family to end the womanizing, the drinking, the fighting, the violence, the dogmatic religious crap among a few other things. I even told my family that if the person I’d want to spend my life with was an atheist, and if they didn’t accept her that I would be done with them. I’m the last living guy in my family to carry on my name, so yes I have alot of power to end the nonsense at last, and I did.

downtide's avatar

I was raised in a family where it was considered proper for the husband to be the sole breadwinner and the wife to be a stay-at-home mother and housewife. My parents are probably the last generation where that will ever be possible.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Alcoholism and incest. I chose not to have children as my dna is nothing special from my observations of my family, lol.

flutherother's avatar

My parents both smoked but I never have.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

A little bit. My parents had good intentions in telling me I could do anything, be anything I wanted but weren’t very active in helping me. My husband and I have talked together about his kids and that we should try to give more than lip service to really help them get started at things that could help them out. Some people really need that little bit to get going on their own.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I was kinda in the same boat. My dad once told me that as a women I didn’t need a college education. I just need to find a man to support me. So I did. It was a freakin disaster in the end.

I’m pushing all my kids hard to follow their dreams, whatever they are.

Harper1234's avatar

Both of my parents smoked but me nor my brother do.
They drank occasionally so it was aright for us to.
I found my religion thru my grandmother who we
spent weekends with and always went to church.
Such a godly lady…she is going strong at 104.
I always wished my parents would go to church but
they never did. Both sons went to church when they
were living at home…they go sometimes now.

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