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Shippy's avatar

Do you find that, “Talking about it” helps?

Asked by Shippy (9870points) August 31st, 2012

When you are upset, or in the past perhaps had a traumatic experience, or even just stressed out, do you find talking about it helps?

If so in which way? Is it the act of talking that you find some peace, some sort of catharthesis, or do you find the persons feedback more help? Would it matter who you spoke to? Or have you found anyone will do, from a good friend, to a clergyman to a psychologist.

If it were a psychologist why did that help you more? Or if it were a friend in which way did it help you. Was it the empathy they showed? Or the practical advice they gave. I often feel talking about things makes me feel worse, like I am in a circle that never ends. Maybe I am talking about in the wrong way? Or to the wrong people.

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19 Answers

TheProfoundPorcupine's avatar

My dear Shippy….I often find that talking about things does help however the person that helps the most can depend upon the problem itself. For example if I believe that there is something deeply affecting my soul, then talking to someone linked to that is bestwhilst if I am stressed, then chatting about it to a good friend is a better option

It all comes down to how much you trust the person and the answers they will give you so I would look at having a small circle rather than a whole host that you jump around between as that will just make you feel like you are getting nowhere.

wonderingwhy's avatar

If it’s that type of panic inducing stress, yeah, talking helps; in my case there’s a particular friend who bears the brunt of it and I’m eternally grateful to her for doing so. Part of it is getting whatever’s weighing on me off my chest. Part is the process of talking, ordering my thoughts and putting them into words and vocalizing. Part is knowing there’s someone there who gets it, even when they don’t. All that adds up to a pretty potent relief valve. Mostly though, I just handle things internally and try to be the shoulder or ear for those around me.

creative1's avatar

No matter what it is talking and getting something off your chest helps me process it better. I will also seek out if having to decide something other peoples opinions of the issue the make what I feel is a better informed decision.

Mariah's avatar

Oh absolutely. Why do you think I’m on here bitchin’ all the time?

flutherother's avatar

I don’t talk much about trivial day to day problems but if something is upsetting me badly then I find nothing helps more than talking about it. I may get some practical help by discussing it but mostly it is simply the emotional connection. There is a relief in letting others know how you feel, for me anyway. A problem shared is a problem halved.

elbanditoroso's avatar

To others, or to myself?

I tend not to talk about stuff to others, but I do play things over and over again in my mind – sort of splitting myself into the analytical side and the emotional side, trying to understand and make peace with whatever the event was.

But that’s me an my mind. Your mileage may vary.

rooeytoo's avatar

It is said that to bring something out into the open and discuss it can make you a spectator to it instead of a victim of it. I think that is true. But it is so difficult to find someone who understands what true communication is and isn’t. So a GOOD shrink and good is the operative word is sometimes the best one to talk to.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I talk a lot and it definitely helps. Sometimes it’s just talking it out on my own (with someone just listening) and end up helping myself as I continue talking. Other times, the insight I get from the person listening and discussing it with me is a tremendous help.

glacial's avatar

Sometimes. It can depend on who I’m talking to, to some extent. But I do find that from time to time I need to work through an issue in words, even if it means imagining having the conversation in my mind. It’s kind of like teaching – if you can explain it to someone else, it means you really understand it.

Earthgirl's avatar

Talking about it helps me a lot. It’s important that the person you talk to is empathetic not just sympathetic. The difference between those two things is enormous, at least it is to me. When I’m going through a rough time I need to feel like someone understands, cares, and is willing to listen. It really doesn’t matter much if they have constructive advice, although in certain situations that can be really helpful. It’s not the act of talking that matters. If you are just talking, venting as it were, it blows off steam, but in the end it doesn’t feed your soul. Life is filled with problems. We all have them, yet sometimes it’s hard to get someone to hear us out.

I’ve never been to a psychologist or psychiatrist but I would imagine they might be good at asking leading questions to help to draw out your feelings and help you focus on moving forward. But an insightful friend, who is empathetic and caring, is worth their weight in gold!

hearkat's avatar

For me, I like to purge the emotion, and usually use music to do so. I then like to journal about the issue, as I am my own best friend, and I do not like to discuss my issues with others. But now I have become more levelheaded, and I am able to discuss anything with my fiancé, so I haven’t had to deal with overwhelming negative emotions in quite some time, thankfully.

augustlan's avatar

Talking definitely helps, but it does matter who I’m talking to. In the past, I’ve had some un-supportive people in my life, and they just made things worse, often taking me from sad to mad by the end of the discussion. I’m more selective, now. Talking with a therapist helped me a ton, in a different way than talking with a friend. From friends, you want comfort. From a therapist, you want help.

wundayatta's avatar

Talking can help. It can help you understand what you are thinking and what you are feeling. It can provide information for someone else to reflect back to you what they think it all means.

I don’t think it always helps. Sometimes it digs around in wounds and makes things feel much worse. My therapist tells me this is a good thing. I’m not so sure.

But I always like talking to sympathetic smart people. I like hearing what they think. I like getting feedback. Usually they say nice things about me. Usually other people are kinder to me than I am to myself. I like talking like I like writing—it helps me figure out what I think. But talking can be a bit more competitive—for air time, if you know what I mean. In writing, you can often take as much time as you like. Unless you have places to be.

As to who I talk to—it only matters that they are smart and know how to listen. Anyone like that will be good to talk to. They might be professional or a friend and all can be helpful. But if they beat me up, they aren’t good to talk to. So I stay away from people who are mean to me.

Pandora's avatar

In most cases yes, but when the person who makes me upset is me than I find that talking doesn’t help. People can tell me that I’m being to hard on myself or that I didn’t do anything wrong, but until I can forgive myself than nothing anyone says will work. I find it is often easier to forgive someone else than to forgive myself for doing or saying something I never should’ve done. Especially if I felt I knew better but I chose to ignore my better judgement.

rojo's avatar

I have got to have a period of alone time to mull things over. Then, maybe, I am ready to talk.

Bellatrix's avatar

Not straight away. If I am hurt by something I usually need time to process whatever happened/was said that has caused me pain. Eventually – and the time varies – I will talk to someone I trust about whatever is going on but it is then usually to get feedback on how I am feeling and potential responses. It does help then.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes but only with people I deem safe and appropriate to listen to my shite. For example, my mother isn’t the person to go to with personal dilemmas but my best friends are.

stardust's avatar

Yes, I think talking definitely helps. I talk to different people about different issues in my life…the trust has to be there, you know.

SaveTheRhinos's avatar

Yes, if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it, write it down.

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