When you have nothing, no hope, are in constant pain and have tried everything but nothing helps, and are facing a bleak future with low quality of life, should you still hold on?

I feel like I am at the end of my rope and I’ve been there for a very long time.

I’ve tried counseling for years with several therapists, every antidepressant and combination, and the depression is still so deep, so so deep I feel buried, worthless and hopeless.

I am in physical pain, I can’t work and have been through physical therapy and aqua therapy, pain management injections, and many, many medications but I’m still in agonizing pain.

I am unable to take care of myself and my apartment adequately, I have no one to help me, no friends or family, no money to hire anyone and no social services are available to help me. I’ve searched and searched for help but there is none.

I was denied disability, denied SSI, and I have appealed but the hearing won’t be until April 2013. I was told I probably will be denied again.

Since my husband left me, I am barely surviving on the spousal support. When the divorce finalizes the amount will be half of what I get now. His employer may close due to state cuts and, if that happens, I will get nothing. He is legally blind so it will be difficult for him to find work. He gets disability but I don’t know if I will be entitled to anything of that. I will end up homeless without any income.

I’m so devasted over my 19 year marriage ending. I vowed to love him forever, and I still do love him, so I know I will always be alone from now on.

I’ve heard people say to not give up 5 minutes before the miracle, but I don’t know if one is coming for me. Bad things keep happening to me. New illnesses and challenges I can’t meet, things I haven’t mentioned. I don’t think I can take any more.

I want to hold on. Please tell me how.