Social Question

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Have you ever had to deal with a narcissist on a regular basis?

Asked by Mama_Cakes (9822points) November 8th, 2012

How’d that work out for ya?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

19 Answers

SpatzieLover's avatar

She’s my sister. It’s doesn’t work out well at all.

Aethelwine's avatar

I think you maybe need to get off the computer if it is bothering you this much. just sayin’ :)

Coloma's avatar

I divorced him 10 years ago. You don’t “deal” with them, you identify them and stay away from them if at all possible. The same methodology as exterminating pests. Narcissists die quickly when you starve them to death. Feed them at your own risk, lol

Sunny2's avatar

Yes. I basked in his approval until the bloom wore off and I no longer valued it. It was an easy backing off. Reality brought me to my senses.

bookish1's avatar

Yeah, I’ve been thinking for the past few years that I might have been raised by one.

tinyfaery's avatar

Bwahahaha. The irony is not lost on me.

There are very few true narcissists, psychologically speaking. A lot of people have narcissistic qualities, though. A true narcissist would never see themselves as anything but the best, the most, the only. And boy do they like to talk about it. In fact, one of the key attributes of true narcissism is excessive talking about oneself and forcing others to believe or buy into what they are saying.

Bellatrix's avatar

I also married one. It took me a long time to realise how narcissistic he was and how did it work out for me? It was pretty horrible. Glad not to be there now. I agree with @tinyfaery, they are usually very lacking in self-awareness. Hope you can find ways to avoid yours.

wildpotato's avatar

I agree with @tinyfaery. Many people display qualities of narcissistic behavioral disorders – it is quite common. Says Kohut (one of the great psychoanalytic theorists of narcissism): ”[Certain] character types encountered in the narcissistic realm are frequently encountered in everyday life and they should, in general, not be considered as forms of psychopathology but rather as variants of the normal human personality, with its assets and defects… By contrast [other] types…must, in general, be considered as lying within the spectrum of pathological narcissism.”

@tinyfaery, Kohut would characterize the very assertive type of narcissists you describe as having narcissistic behavior disorders. He also identifies the group of narcissistic personality disorders, who are overly shy and under-assertive, because they need mirroring others so intensely that they fear rebuff and ridicule too much, and fear their own deep need for others – they fear being swallowed up and destroyed in union.

So yeah, I think I have had to deal with many narcissists on a regular basis.

Coloma's avatar

Another hallmark of the pathological forms is a complete and utter lack of empathy and seeing others as an extension of self. The truly hardcore disordered types also ALWAYS lie, cheat and have no regard for others feelings and are control freaks to the 10th power. Everything they do is for personal gain, gratification, admiration. I have also known a ” humble” and quiet narcissist whose mask of selflessness was a total ruse for gross selfishness, everything they did was for their egos desperate need for attention and praise.

cookieman's avatar

Yes, my mother.

I took @Coloma‘s approach and “stopped feeding” her.

Haven’t heard from her in four years.

tups's avatar

I think we define too many people. Like @tinyfaery said a lot of people have narcissistic qualities, but few are real narcissists. Many, many people in this world are very selv-absorbed, that’s just the way it is. How do one deal with that? I don’t know, either you listen or you talk about yourself. Sometimes it seems like human communication is really just a contest of who gets to say the most about themselves.

tinyfaery's avatar

@wildpotato So narcissists have disorders related to their narcissism? Oy vey!

ucme's avatar

Opera singers are the worst, it’s all “me me me me me me me” with them buggers.

Coloma's avatar

I agree with @tups
Bandying around the word narcissism has become a pop psychology fad the last handful of years, but…educating oneself about the nature of this condition is very enlightening. It sure explains a few people I have known in my life.
Another really HUGE red flag is the inability to accept ANY, criticism whatsoever without extreme reactivity and anger. Healthy people can handle confrontation and correction, or discussion about something they do that one finds offensive.

They are extremely fragile inspite of their blowhard and smug presentations, and even the slightest confrontation, correction, or complaint will turn them into raging, blame shifting infants.

Best “test” for ANY person you know is how they handle criticism and healthy confrontation. If they can’t handle even the gentlest of confrontations involving others feelings about something they have done, run!
You can’t argue with a toddler and the slightest insinuation that they have made a mistake is met with extreme defensiveness and anger. They NEVER apologize, NEVER, and will always find a way to make you the bad guy for daring to confront them.

wildpotato's avatar

@tinyfaery Yes, that’d be one way to put it – another is that narcissism is itself a set of types of disorders, and that people who suffer from these are narcissists. Oy indeed!

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Kardamom's avatar

Yes, my ex-boyfriend. That’s why I keep trying to warn all the young ladies about those types of guys. You really can spot them from a mile away.

Too bad most of them don’t want to listen and don’t want to recognize them when they’re right up in their face and everyone around them is screaming RUN!

kitszu's avatar

So are we saying Narcisim is the new “dissociative identity disorder”? That said, there are probably quite a few people who present with narcicistic tendencies who are actually sociopaths or have borderline personality disorders.

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