Social Question

Shippy's avatar

How do you feel about unexpected visitors?

Asked by Shippy (9870points) November 28th, 2012

I’m having a super bad day, for personal reasons.

So my buzzer intercom went and like an “ass” I answered it.

It is a gentleman that “likes” me that I have no interest in. But I had answered, plus, he had come to collect a painting he has bought from me. I had asked him to phone me first or make an appointment to collect. (I am flexible and never let down any appointments made).

He sat here for two hours. All I could see was his mouth moving. We covered topics from, the state of world economy to why I am single, to, Do I have sex? and am I Pisces? (Since there are two wooden fish on my coffee table.) Then the topic of “Why am I moving to the UK”.

I was so frustrated and my head was throbbing so much I wanted to attack him with the said fish.

I had to wait it out since he had called on a friend to take the painting away (it is large). OK, that was my rant.

When I visit, I phone first, I ask if it is OK. I never just appear at anyone’s home, since I realize anything could be going on there at that particular time. Some people maybe love unexpected guests. Are you one of them?!

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35 Answers

filmfann's avatar

I wouldn’t be as nice as you were. I dislike unexpected guests, and I don’t let them in. I ask them to call first.
I never drop in on someone. If I happen to be in an area where someone I like to see lives, I will call them first. I never show up at the door unexpected.

Seek's avatar

As long as I have a five minute warning to make sure there are no strange smells or undergarments drying on the shower curtain rod, I’m cool. Usually it’s enough to have the hubs distract them in the driveway for a minute or two. ^_^

dabbler's avatar

Good friends could drop in on me anytime, they will accommodate whatever I need to be doing if they are unannounced. Other folks better be expeditious about their visit.

This guy sounds creepy. For someone whom you don’t know all that well to ask “why I am single, to, Do I have sex?” is way out of line it seems to me.
If his friend wasn’t available to help move the painting then why did he show up two hours earlier?

DigitalBlue's avatar

I don’t answer the door. Showing up, unannounced, is one of the fastest ways to get on my bad side. I get mad, like really mad.

Unbroken's avatar

Ugh. Agreed it sounds wretched.
People should call first. My home is my home and I’m off gaurd and sometimes dressed inappropriately or in the middle of a nap. Or otherwise indisposed.
After the sex and single thing I would tell him to wait in the lobby outside or in the car. Esp if I was already on edge. Props to you for maintaining politeness.

marinelife's avatar

I never just drop in, because I don’t like it done to me.

CardAngel's avatar

I don’t drop in on anyone without calling first since I don’t like it when someone just shows up at my home. I don’t answer the door unless I am expecting someone or a delivery.

janbb's avatar

Depends on who they are. In your case, I think I would have kicked the guy out politely.

jca's avatar

I usually don’t but unfortunately I live in a little complex where people do it all the time to each other, and people welcome it. Fortunately, the location is far enough away from most other people that I know that they won’t take a chance and come up there if they don’t let me know first, as they probably wouldn’t want to take the chance that I wouldn’t be home.

If people come unannounced, my house would be messy, I would probably look messy as I don’t take a shower and put on “street clothes” until I am ready to go out. The last time someone knocked on my door unannounced, I was on the verge of a (rare) nap, and I probably looked a little dazed because of that.

If I were you and this guy came and started asking me about my relationship status and my sex life, I would probably tell him “Why don’t you come back when your friend is available and call me first, and we can make a plan to get that painting to you?” At the very least, I would not answer those rude and intrusive questions. I might say something like “I’m wondering why you think it’s appropriate to ask such a nosy question.”

JLeslie's avatar

As long as my house is reasonably together I don’t mind at all. Best if it is after 10:00 in the morning, and I am most likely out of my pajamas. I would prefer a 5 minute warning though, maybe call and say they are nearby and want to drop in. It also depends who it is. Close friends no problem, they see me often and it doesn’t matter if I am in sweats and folding laundry. A possible business contact or love interest, I would prefer to be more prepared.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I always call first. I do not care for drop ins. I consider it rude.
One of my elderly neighbors does it about once every couple of weeks. She just walks in.
It does make for some embarrassing moments.

One time I had X-ray images of my bladder and private parts on the kitchen window so I could photograph them before dropping them off at another doctor’s office. She walked right into the kitchen, saw them and said: “So——, what are we looking at here?” Me: “Well…there’s my bladder, there’s the urine all lit up with radioactive dye. There’s my penis and there’s the radioactive dye shooting out while I pee. That narrow spot is the urethral stricture.” She thought the whole thing was hilarious and went right home and told her hubby she knows exactly what I keep in my underwear.

bookish1's avatar

Sorry to hear you’re having a rough day @Shippy. Sounds like a creep! Maybe you were too upset or depressed to get tough and kick him out. Maybe next time something like that happens, you could make up a story about another appointment that you have soon…

I get almost no unexpected visitors. Sometimes my next door neighbor will come over to bum a smoke or share a six pack with me or something, but that is very rare. I’m so lonely these days that I think I would welcome an unexpected visitor (provided that they did not become creepy!) as long as I were dressed for receiving ;)

wundayatta's avatar

We get unexpected visitors on occasion. Usually friends and/or neighbors. It’s generally not a problem. It’s not like I walk around the house nude, or anything. I have children. The windows are open. I don’t do that.

It’s hard to imagine an unexpected visitor who I don’t know all that well. A business connection, I guess. But I would feel free to kick them out at any moment. I would not feel I had to entertain them for two hours while they waited for a ride. I think I might feed them salty snacks but nothing to drink. J/k.

I have dropped in on friends unexpectedly, although we usually call first, now that we have cell phones. Before cellphones, we would drop in unexpectedly sometimes, if we happened to be in the neighborhood, but that was pretty rare, and only with people we were very friendly with.

I think this guy was pretty rude, and he should have been feeling uncomfortable sitting there. If he wasn’t uncomfortable, perhaps he had a social dysfunction of some sort.

Shippy's avatar

I probably need to explain or , put you more in the picture, He is french so talks in a smooth sing song voice. He kind of “slides” into topics, like “You are single?? Ooh! me Ooh! my, such a bootifull laddy such a you?” Clutching heart ” I cannot ‘ardly believe such a thing? you are soo sexi-y? you cannot live without sex no?? yes??”

Hope that helps.

wundayatta's avatar

Oh. He’s French. That’s all ok then. The French are allowed to be pushy bastards without being censured for it. [rolls eyes]

He’s still a jerk.

Shippy's avatar

@wundayatta Yes that is it totally. rolls eyes back at you pfft

TheProfoundPorcupine's avatar

He should have been given the painting by having it shoved up his ass then he would have had to sit in the back of the van for being a twat…or I guess because he is French it should be le twat

Aethelwine's avatar

I don’t like it and I don’t do it to others. I’m sick with bronchitis and still in my pajamas right now (it’s just after 12pm). If someone knocked on my door at this moment I would be very upset. I hate answering the door if I’m still in my pj’s and I still have bedhead.

Shippy's avatar

@jonsblond I normally have a rule, if I am not expecting anyone don’t answer. But we had a sudden death this weekend. I didn’t answer my phone when I should have. So made a mistake. Now, I find myself answering every call, even private numbers. I don’t know what to do right now.

flutherother's avatar

I don’t really get any unexpected visitors apart from some young children who came at Halloween. I have pretty well zero tolerance for visitors unless it is family or someone I know really well. Your visitor sounded like a horror. Not only did he turn up unannounced but he barged in, didn’t leave and indulged in embarrassing personal comments. I would have found myself clubbing him to death before the first hour was up. Actually I wouldn’t even have let him in the door to begin with. Ideally I would get him deported back to France.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

For me it’s yet another case of instant cardiac arrest!

Kardamom's avatar

@Shippy Now I’m just picturing Peppy le Pew at your front door LOL.

Shippy's avatar

@Kardamom loll yes, and further more he carries a sausage dog under his arm and wears pink shorts. Often has a scarf wrapped flamboyantly around his neck.

Kardamom's avatar

^^ Now THAT is an image I shan’t soon forget!

Bellatrix's avatar

I hate when people drop in on me. I like to have visitors and I like to make them welcome. They aren’t welcome if they turn up while I am mentally and physically buried in my work (I often work from home), or I am still in my jammies, or I haven’t done the dishes or swept the floor. Just call first to say you are going to call around in half an hour even… that will be fine. It makes me feel angry and tense when people just show up and I have not had time to prepare at all (including mentally).

I would not have sat there for two hours. He was imposing on your good nature and frankly, abusing your good nature. I would have stood up, said ‘well I have a lot of work to do in preparation for my move’ or ‘well I have an appointment’ and have pushed him towards the door and asked him to call before he visits again. You don’t have to put up with that crap.

JLeslie's avatar

Well, there are cultural differences, so maybe in France it is normal. Most Latin Americans I know are ok with people dropping by, or at least they were in their own country, but it seems a lot of them Americanize to not doing it, and also prefering fair warning, i had attributed it to the people I know had maids in theirhome country, and there was always so eone cleaning, and always someone there to wait on others and clean up. Entertaining others is easier when you have help.

Another observation, I think when children are in the house it is pretty common for their friends to just drop in, isn’t it? My friends in the neighborhood when I was young didn’t call in advance before they came over to play.

YARNLADY's avatar

When I am not feeling well, I do not hesitate to say so. In the example you gave, I would ask the person to please wait outside in the car because I am not well enough to receive visitors right now.

If it’s family, they can drop by any time and make themselves at home, even if I am in bed asleep. If it’s friends, I can’t imagine them dropping by without calling.

dabbler's avatar

@Shippy “He carries a sausage dog under his arm and wears pink shorts.”
I usually don’t use such vulgar language but, OMG LOL !!

Shippy's avatar

@dabbler You need to spend a week in my life, you’d either pee yourself with laughter, or run for miles!!

deni's avatar

I love the “pop in” as they call it on Seinfeld. Really, people that I don’t like don’t know where I live since I’ve recently moved and I can’t think of anyone who would knock on my door that I would not enjoy seeing. My boyfriend pops in sometimes and I do the same. I have always been a big fan and I encourage my friends to do it! I love surprises! Now if I didn’t feel good or it was just a bad time for whatever reason, I might not even answer the door. But I probably would out of curiosity cause I don’t have a peephole anymore :(

@Shippy Sausage dog pink shorts and flamboyant scarf lololol! Made me laugh

bookish1's avatar

@deni: You’re gonna get some pop ins…

AshlynM's avatar

I’m not a huge fan of the “pop in.” I’d prefer if people called first, even if they are family.

bob_'s avatar

So why are you moving to the UK?

rockfan's avatar

The same way that Bilbo does.

Seek's avatar

“Confounded relatives hanging on the bell, never giving me a moment’s peace…”

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