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InkyAnn's avatar

(Parents who planned) Trying to conceive, what did you do?

Asked by InkyAnn (2441points) December 2nd, 2012

Hello, the S/O and I decided its time to have a baby!! Before I get started here is a little bit of personal info about myself that we think will be making it slightly difficult to conceive. I don’t have regular menstrual cycles. Its in a different week of the month almost every month. My cycle is all over the place, sometimes 28 days, sometimes 43 days, sometimes 32 days. Its never the same. And sometimes it wont even come for months. Currently the longest I’ve gone without one is 6 months. So pin pointing ovulation’s is kind of difficult. I’ve been told that even if I go months with out actually bleeding that I can still be ovulating since I still get the cramps and symptoms during those months. (Not sure if that’s true.) We are currently on our first “2 week wait”. I should have gotten my monthly on (or around) the 27th of Nov. But due to my menstrual history it could just be another one of my irregular cycles. Oh, and I have already started taking Prenatals and Folic Acid.

NO ONE I know had ever planned for their kids so I cant get advice from them about what they did or tried or were told to do to conceive.

(Note: I know I could just go to my local gyno, but I hate her with a passion due to an experience in the past. Actually everyone I know that goes to her hates her. And the other gynos in my town are all kind of… Well, skeevie. So I am trying to put off going to her until I have to.)

So if you wonderful parents that planned your children could be so kind to share with me what you did, whether it was difficult for you or not, we would greatly appreciate it.

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28 Answers

marinelife's avatar

You need another doctor stat. Go to another town. Look for a fertility specialist.

I have had skeevie OB/GYNs before and that’s no good.

filmfann's avatar

Get a different doctor.
You don’t mention your age, and that is certainly a factor.
Consider baby sitting a friends child. It does something to the hormones that encourages fertility.
Lots of sex is a plus.

YARNLADY's avatar


When we decided it was time to have a child, I quit taking my birth control pills and we started having sex much more frequently than before (several times a day). It took about three months.

We also went to a genetic counselor because both of us were considered possible risks. When I got pregnant, I had an amniocentesis – which was a big deal in those days. It showed all was normal, we didn’t have any surprises.

Sunny2's avatar

It was so easy for me that I wonder that I never got pregnant before I was married and didn’t take any precautions. The first one was conceived in two months of trying. The second was 1 month. This doesn’t help you, @InkyAnn and I wish you well. I know it’s not uncommon to give up, adopt, and then find yourself pregnant. Your doctor is your best bet as far as advice goes.

SuperMouse's avatar

Pick up a copy of Your Fertility Signals by Merryl Winstein. You will be surprised how easy it is to pinpoint exactly when you are ovulating. My cycle has never been anything close to regular and it worked for me three times.

As a side note I lent my copy of the book to several different women who used it to help conceive. It worked every single time; each of the women who used it wrote her name in the back of the book. It is a pretty good memento! I never got it back from the last person who borrowed it – which really bums me out.

hug_of_war's avatar

Even if you have to travel or pay more, I’d find a good fertility specialist who can test you (and your partner) and determine what difficulties someone with your menstrual cycle might have and also if you have any underlying health issues there, like PCOS if you haven’t already.

laureth's avatar

When we got married, my guy and I stopped using protection. Nothing happened for 5 years+. So we went to the fertility specialist. I have PCOS (sometimes no periods for half a year, sometimes the period lasts for 30 days of solid bleeding, it’s hell) so it is very hard for us to have a kid. It’s a long process. So if you are serious about having a kid (and not just foolin’ around, when you’re foolin’ around), you should see a fertility specialist sooner than later. It gets much harder to conceive, the older you are. Good luck!

InkyAnn's avatar

@marinelife All the towns surrounding us are at the least 45 mins away. She is amazing at her job. Hands down a GREAT OB/GYN. But she is a condescending, out of line b*tch.

@filmfann I am 26, also I have been a nanny for all age children for 8 years lol.

@SuperMouse Thank you! I will definitely look into that book!

@hug_of_war We have talked about that and plan to do that if nothing happens within the next few months. I did have cervical cancer a few years back, all was taken care of and I’m “perfect” now lol. But we do know that that could play a roll in not being able to conceive easily. Were going to try the “normal natural way” first for a little while before we start seeking medical help though.

@laureth Im sorry about your difficulty.

InkyAnn's avatar

**** ALSO When I say ”share with me what you did” I mean like, did you do the whole “hips elevated for 20 mins after sex before getting up”. Any little tricks or something ^_^ ***

nikipedia's avatar

Since your cycle is irregular you may benefit from ovulation predictor kits. They measure luteinizing hormone, which increases 24–48 hours before ovulation. You can buy them in bulk for cheap at that link.

You might also find it helpful to chart, i.e., measure your basal body temperature and cervical mucus. Your basal body temperature is just your temperature at rest, so you have to take it first thing in the morning before you get out of bed. After you ovulate, your body produces more progesterone, and you should see a shift of 0.5 to 1.0 degrees (F) warmer. This won’t help you predict your ovulation date, but it can help you determine if you are in fact ovulating each cycle, and you may begin to see a pattern.

Cervical mucus can also be important. It provides a medium for sperm to swim through, so the consistency affects whether the sperm are slowed down or have an easy passage. Most women experience a slippery, egg-white texture around ovulation—this is the best cervical mucus for fertility.

Eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, maintaining a healthy weight, and decreasing or eliminating use of drugs (including caffeine) and alcohol have all been associated with increased fertility.

Good luck!

InkyAnn's avatar

@nikipedia thanks, I’ve already read about all that and have been on the look out for the “egg white” lol.

gailcalled's avatar

My experience, probably not very helpful, was that I had unprotected intercourse four times in my life and got pregnant each time. I was 23 25, 26 and 27. I also had very regular periods. The middle two pregnancies ended in early miscarriages. The first and last resulted in a nice babby.

Each time, it seemed a little early for me to have been ovulating. Tell that to Mother Nature.

Hating your gyno with a passion sounds like a very bad thing…you don’t want to have ugly feelings. Find an expert who cheers you up, even with a little extra traveling.

janbb's avatar

Just do it.

JLeslie's avatar

You need to go to a Reproductive Endocrinologist, GYN’s most like won’t be good enough. If you were just very irregular I would say eat a diabetic like diet and take clomid and use an ovulation kit, but since you have not had your perood for months you probably have PCOS, it might be getting worse, and that is for a fertlity specialist, which is an RE. Sometimes it takes 2–3 months to get an appointment with an RE, so in the meantime on your own you can eat a diabetic like diet and see if you get your period. If you somehow are lucky enough to have a GYN who knows to do the tests for the sugar problem many PCOS patients have (it’s some sort of ration, I don’t remember, it is not a simply fastingnglucose test) you might get an answer and start ovulated if you take glucophage or a similar diabetic drug, but there is not way of course for me to know for sure that is your underlying problem.

InkyAnn's avatar

Thank you everyone for the advice! I will definitely do more research about my “potential” problem. But my fingers are crossed, like I said this is our first two week wait, so we haven’t had a fail yet. Wish me luck that its a positive!! Until then what did you guys do when trying? Just the regular no protection, no birth control? Or did you guys do any “little tricks”? Like elevating your hips after sex, doing it in a certain position?

JLeslie's avatar

Wait, I thought you haven’t had a period in 6 months?

When I tried I just had sex on day 11 and then again on day 12 if I knew I ovulated. If I didn’t ovuate I would day 14, so I had sex on day 13 and or 14. Got pregnant the first month I tried, then the second time I got pregnant the first months I tried. The next three pregnancies I got pregnant the first or secknd month I tried. Unfortunately I miscarried or had ectopics, but that is a different story. But, I could feel when I ovulated and I was always 26 or 28 days, and got my period exactly 14 days after I ovulated. Ovulated Tuesday, go my period in two weeks on Tuesday. So my case is different than yours. But, it is important to know that ovulation usually happens two weeks before you get your period, so if your cycles are long, you are more likely to ovulate more than 14 days from your first day of your period. A 30 days cycle usually ovulates day 16. But, it varies for some people of course. i think someone mentioned the discharge change, when women ovulate they usually have more discharge which is like raw egg whites.

InkyAnn's avatar

Oh no, sorry for all the confusion! I wrote that part wrong. I got my last monthly on the 27th of Oct. And should have been due for my next one with in a few days of Nov. 27th. So currently I am 5 days late. We started trying a week before this last period was due.

JLeslie's avatar

You’re irregular so it is hard to know if you did it on the right day or not. Have you been about every 31 days lately? That would be Nov. 27. You would probably benefit from using one of those ovulation indicators if you can’t tell when you ovulate (many women feel a pain on their side, their ovary, usually alternating sides each month, and again the change in discharge) until you see a doctor about it.

Do your breasts feel sore? That would be an early sign of pregnancy. Unless your breasts get sore before your period, then it can be confusing.

My guess is you had sex too late in the month, but if you are having one of those 35 day cycles you might be.

InkyAnn's avatar

@JLeslie I couldn’t tell you what my cycle days are. They are different each month. And this one is going to really be a hard one to pin point since my cycle before the Oct. one was June 3rd. I went from June 3rd to Oct. 27 with no periods in between. But I did have cramping each month. My ONLY “menstrual symptoms” are I cramp one week before I get it. Thats it. Though the week before I was due this last time I didnt cramp. I had a tight, light cramping like feeling on my left side where my ovaries are for one day. I thought that might have been the egg dropping but wasnt sure, so we had sex just in case lol.

JLeslie's avatar

That’s why you need to use the ovulation kit. Well, I think you should see a doctor, an RE like I recommended. Make an appointment for three months from now if you don’t want to go right away, some cities it is very hard to get an appointment. If you get pregnant inbetween you can just cancel yor appointment. The first appointment will be a conversation and maybe blood tests. They will probably have you come in on day 3 of your period for more blood tests and maybe an ultrasound.

InkyAnn's avatar

Wow I didn’t think of that. I’ll look around my surrounding cities and call tomorrow to make that appointment. What a great idea! I feel dumb for not thinking of it myself haha.

cazzie's avatar

Ovulation kits could help, but they are expensive. Isn’t there also a very slight change in body temperature when you ovulate? You could try taking your temperature at the same time every morning, before you drink a cold or hot drink. Also, if your period is wonky, have you ever had your thyroid or adrenals tested? Any other tests, like laposcopy or your husband’s sperm count? I had my blood tested to be sure I was ovulating and it came back positive and I have always been quite regular (except when my thyroid screwed my system up.)

I had all sorts of problems the first time I tried for a baby. It was a year and nothing happened. We were both really busy professionals, working 60 hour weeks and in the end, the doctor said that slowing down might help. I took about 3 months off my regular work and just took temping jobs, but still, nothing. Then, HE finally decided perhaps he should be tested. Lazy sperm, and unspecific infertility was the diagnosis. He worked too hard and drank too much and I think I had simply fallen out of love with him, seeing his reaction and lack of support through the whole ordeal. In the end the marriage fell apart.

My little guy was born into my current marriage, after being off the pill for about 9 months, but my husband travels for weeks at a time, so there weren’t regular weekly attempts. He was actually concieved while we were on vacation together in France. We weren’t really trying because what we decided was that the pressure of expectations would put a strain on everything, including our relationship (like it had my previous marriage) so we decided to take what ever the Universe had in store, as long as I felt healthy, had check ups with my regular doctor we would avoid the pressure of fertility specialists. When my little pee stick came up positive, it was like both winning the Lottery and jumping off a cliff (not that I have done either… I can only imagine.)

augustlan's avatar

We just had a lot of unprotected sex, no tricks or anything. Each time, I got pregnant within a few months. My periods were fairly regular back then, though, so your results may vary. Best of luck, and let us know how it goes!

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SuperMouse's avatar

I’ll add that it took us about eight months to conceive the first time. I never did the “legs in the air” thing, but after six months and no luck, I did start to stay laying down for a while after the deed was done. I also have to recommend another awesome book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It is a fabulous book and more detailed (with pictures and charts) then the one I linked above.

tranquilsea's avatar

Looking back on when we planned our kids I wish we just would have had lots of playful awesome sex instead of me obsessing over when I ovulated etc.etc. I really should have only obsessed if we failed to get pregnant after 6 months.

Practically, you should stop drinking (if you do), stop smoking (if you do), take prenatal vitamins, and eat a well balanced diet. Then just have fun.

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