How can I protect my terminally ill mom from my rageaholic father?

Asked by LeavesNoTrace (5674) December 19th, 2012 from iPhone

My mother is dying of stage IV cancer at the age of 55. For 24 years of my life she has been my best friend and favorite person in the world. I am beyond devastated and don’t know what I’ll do without her but determined to help her have emotional and physical comfort in her final days.

She’s married to my father and they have always had a tumultuous relationship. I’ve never gotten along with my father either due to his constant emotional and sometimes physical abuse when I was younger.

My father is generally disliked by most people. He is a very unhappy and negative person that others try to avoid. Just his name in conversation is enough to make a lot of people cringe.

He has a borderline personality and rage disorder with narcissistic tendencies and is never remorseful for how much he hurts his family with his hateful behavior. He refuses to believe that he has a problem and insists everyone else does no matter how many oppose his behavior. This man has no shame and cannot be reasoned with.

He has been nothing but callous and spiteful to my mother since she started her losing battle with cancer. He doesn’t provide her with any care or compassion and constantly berates and bullies her despite her vulnerability.

Last night, after one of his legedary episodes I told him that he needs to stop this behavior once and for all and that I would have zero tolerance from now on. He can either be nice to mom or stay out of our way so she can have comfort and peace. He screamed and screamed in my face then my mom’s at the top of his lungs until he was red and sweaty that he’s leaving us forever and I just said ‘good’ and it was better for us anyway. He hurled a sling of profanity at me and acted so outrageously I feared he would be violent since he has hit in the past. I ended up calling some family friends to come to the house and civilly intervene but he was unresponsive to reason and continued to insist that HE’s the real victim and my (dying) mother and I are the real bad guys.

I have never been more desperate in my life. After my Mom passes, I fully intend to cut ties with him like I have wanted to since I was a little girl. I have the support of my Mom’s friends (he has none) and my older brother (his step son who he also loathes for no reason).

What can I do to protect my Mom from this toxic rageaholic as she tries to die with dignity? I’ve been praying for an answer or for strength to be strong for her but I’m so desperate. We live in NY. Is there any legal recourse to restrain him?