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Shippy's avatar

I suddenly don't understand suicide?

Asked by Shippy (9870points) December 24th, 2012

As I do get suicidal at times, I do understand what can drive a person there. For me, it is stressors, lack of. But why do people that have it all, think of suicide?

You may say but who is to say they have it all? Of course no one, but I think, if you have people who love you, money to sustain yourself, people who care, perhaps even a therapist, a psychiatrist, why would you want to die. These are the things people wish they had, or strive for.

Those are things to live for. I can’t even imagine all that I mentioned above. Yet, I see people still just “Want to die”. Why?

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21 Answers

janbb's avatar

Who can say of another that they have it all? It is great for you that right now you cannot imagine it.

marinelife's avatar

Usually suicide is driven by clinical depression. Those who do it are not in their right minds.

janbb's avatar

@marinelife I don’t think that is always true. I think one can make a reasoned decision that life is no longer worth living; particularly in the case of terminal illness or pain.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I think both depression and pain that appears like it’s never going to end are behind a lot of suicides. I’ve have friends do both. We knew exactly why in both cases, we just couldn’t do anything about it. There’re others maybe just get to a bad point in their lives and it looks like a good way out in their eyes.I’m not going to judge any of them. Until I’ve walked in their shoes I don’t know what they’re thinking.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. (Source)

Shippy's avatar

@janbb No, as stated in the question You may say but who is to say they have it all? Of course no one, but I think, if you have people who love you, money to sustain yourself, people who care, perhaps even a therapist, a psychiatrist, why would you want to die. These are the things people wish they had, or strive for.

Shippy's avatar

@Hawaii_Jake I know. _ if you have people who love you, money to sustain yourself, people who care, perhaps even a therapist, a psychiatrist, why would you want to die_

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@Shippy When I was at my lowest, there was a time I could see no light. All was blackness surrounding me. There wasn’t even a pinprick of light to give me hope, and I thought death was the only escape. A friend who called at literally the right moment kept me from suicide. It’s a difficult thing to describe. I’m lucky and grateful to be alive.

tom_g's avatar

Regardless of your situation, it’s pretty easy to rationally look at existence and decide that it is not worth it. Some people “have it all” and still make this calculation. I completely get it – and nearly always have.

Shippy's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I am not judging people I am asking a question. I have hung around in the darkest of moments. I wonder why? With nothing like, caring, full psychiatric care, a significant partner, real things. and @janbb If my life is any thing near great, I certainly would NOT be asking this question.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I have a friend here in the town where I live who is in the boat you describe. He has a good psychiatrist. He tells me that he takes his medication as prescribed. He holds down a job.

Yet, he has few friends. He’s a recluse to most of the world. He calls me almost weekly, and I talk to him. And these are some of the things I say to him:

1. Breathe. Sit in a chair and breathe. Don’t sit and rock. Don’t smoke. Don’t drink a glass of water. Just sit and breathe. Count your breaths up to 10 and then back down again. Do that as many times as you can.

2. Get up and wash the dishes. If you have no dirty dishes, take the clean ones out of the cupboard and wash them. There’s something about the warm sudsy water and the action of scrubbing that helps clear one’s mind. If your mind is still swimming, clean something else. Dust the books one by one. Anything.

3. If you believe you’re still at the end of your rope, check online or in your local phone book for a crisis line to call for help. Call them. If they tell you to go to the nearest hospital, do it. If they tell you to call your doctor’s office as soon as possible, do that. Hearing a live person could make all the difference in the world. A real voice can soothe in ways that we can’t on the Internet.

In the end, we all start by helping ourselves. Once we realize that we begin it, opening ourselves to the help others offer becomes easier.

wundayatta's avatar

I think when you are depressed, you may be unable to perceive the things you have. Especially, you may be unable to feel love. Usually because you don’t feel lovable.

hearkat's avatar

I feel that the people who “have it all” often work so hard to keep the appearance of being in control and living up to perceived expectations, but it ends up being an empty cage and they are unfulfilled. One can be loved and cared for by others, but not feel loved and cared for, nor believe themselves worthy of that nurturing attention. One can have the best therapists and doctors in the world, but the work still has to be done by the patient, and they have to truly feel that they deserve and are capable of being happy. None of the external circumstances matter, it’s about what is going on internally—I suppose the flip-side of that coin is the example in the question Did you thank god today, when a person who seemingly has many challenges in life still finds reasons to be grateful.

blueiiznh's avatar

I for one have never thought or contemplated it as a choice.
I have been through some shitty stuff and tough times, but thankfully my mind never went there.
So in that for me, I don’t understand it.

I have known a few people in my life that chose that during their tough times. That makes me very sad that times got so tough for them.

Support is key from family and a therapist, a psychiatrist, or whatever helps them.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’ve never been suicidal, so I know nothing about what would make a person want to end their life. However, I’d say that a great majority of those that actually go through with it have some mental illness, such as depression or bipolar disorder, among others. And I’m sure many people that kill themselves have never sought professional help, so how would anyone know if they really were ill?

If this is the case, the illness is to blame, and there’s no logical answer as to why they did what they did.

Judi's avatar

It is clinical depression. an overwhelming sense of hopelessness which causes people to act outside of reason and not consider the consequences of their actions.

janbb's avatar

@Shippy I wasn’t being critical of you at all, I was just saying that externals don’t always help when one is in despair.

Sunny2's avatar

A friend once told me, when a person I cared for committed suicide, that the person looked ahead and could see nothing ever changing or getting better. Whatever pain the person had would never end. Made sense to me. Despair is not always obvious.

YARNLADY's avatar

My grandson’s girlfriend feels that she is worthless and a burden on everyone. She knows he loves her, but thinks he deserves better. She contemplates suicide often, even though she has everything anyone would need.

wundayatta's avatar

We (who contemplate suicide) share so many similar thoughts and feelings. You’d think we’d have figured out a way to prevent it by now. But it isn’t that easy. Our brains don’t all work the same. We get these ideas about how worthless we are and how our loved ones deserve better, and it seems to make perfect sense against all logic.

Meds do help. So does therapy. But they don’t work in all cases. We need people who understand; people who can be credible with us, and who can show us how our brains trick us, so we can learn how to counteract those tricks without falling for them over and over.

I know it’s hard for people who have never been there to understand. I didn’t believe it until it happened to me. All I can say is that the more patience you have and the more love you show, the more help you can be to someone who is suffering. But don’t expect them to get it. We have these incredibly strong filters that filter out love and positive strokes very effectively.

But keep on being there as long as you can stand it. Keep on trying to reach through. It’s not your fault if you have to give up, or if we do choose to end it. So don’t take it personally if you can’t get through. But still, whatever you can give, know we are grateful, even if we can not allow you to love us. That probably only make sense if you have the right diagnosis.

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