Social Question

Highbrow's avatar

What do you think about infidelity?

Asked by Highbrow (366points) January 5th, 2013

I honestly think it’s a bad thing to do, but most of the time, people have their reasons, and it can either help or hurt a relationship depending upon the situation and the temperaments of the two partners involved. If you’re feeling unhappy in a relationship for any reason whatsoever, I personally believe that it’s best to talk to your partner about your feelings and go on a break before you decide to become intimate with anyone else, but sometimes relationships aren’t open enough for that kind of communication, which is why many people end up cheating on their partners.
However, I don’t think people are “bad people” if they cheat on their partner. It happens more often than you think, and it doesn’t make them a bad or immoral person. It just makes them human with flaws, just like everyone else. But it can either break a relationship down, letting both partners know that perhaps a different route is best for the both of them, or it can actually help a relationship, by letting the cheating partner realize that they simply don’t feel the same way for others as they do for their current partner. It sends them back into being faithful, in a way, by making them realize how good they have it and not to take advantage of their partner’s kindness or caring nature.
One of my boy friend actually told me last night that he once cheated on his girlfriend and his girlfriend once cheated on him, but both times it made them realize how much they truly do love each other because they had a weak moment and collapsed, and wound up crawling back to one another. And I think it was so human of him to admit something so raw as that because it’s so true, and most people in society and in the media automatically label infidelity as something extremely wrong and sinful when really it’s just a life experience.

What are your impressions on it?

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13 Answers

marinelife's avatar

I think it is breaking your word and therefore it is bad.

Coloma's avatar

It’s cowardly, immature and of low integrity.
Decent human beings do not deceive others, and IF they do, they own it immediately and take their lumps accordingly.
I can understand a one time slip, especially in very young people who are still developing their integrity and impulse control, but anyone over the age of 25 that cheats is a moral loser IMO.

If you’re that tempted in the first place have the balls or breasts to either share your desire with your partner and have an adult discussion about your feelings, or make a clean exit without assaulting anothers heart because you’re too much of a mental and emotional baby to make a choice and stick with it.

linguaphile's avatar

I don’t think there’s one simple answer. Each affair/infidelity has different reasons, causes, results— I think it’s mostly wrong, but even then, sometimes good things come out of bad things, including infidelity.

I know one extremely loyal and controlled person who fell into an affair—then realized from the affair that she wasn’t getting what she needed from her marriage. It wasn’t so much being immoral—it was more of an unpleasant wake up call that helped her realize her life and marriage was not what it needed to be, and she took steps to fix that.

I think many times an affair is not the problem, but a symptom of a larger problem.

Coloma's avatar

@linguaphile I agree, but it is rare for an affair to actually be the catalyst for change, usually it is the death rattle of the relationship, which IS, often a good thing!

Shippy's avatar

If there weren’t so many loose men and women about, there wouldn’t be so much infidelity about. Besides feel sorry for the sad sack that has an affair with a married person. Because that is what they are a sad sack of shit.

jca's avatar

I shall not judge until I’ve walked a mile in the person’s shoes.

burntbonez's avatar

I think it happens often. I think it indicates that one or both people in the relationship are disconnected with each other. I think it can create an opportunity for people to work on a relationship, but usually people react so strongly that it often ends a relationship or creates a permanent mistrust between the pair.

I don’t think calling it good or bad helps much of anything. If you find someone saying it is bad, that is pretty much a sign they are ready to end the relationship. It is really hard to call infidelity bad and still be willing to do the work you need to do to fix the relationship. In calling it bad, you almost always put 100% of the blame on the person who was unfaithful. In circumstances like that, it is very hard to repair a relationship. If you want to have any hope of repairing the relationship, you have to be willing to share blame half and half. It’s usually better not to assign blame at all.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Bad, bad, bad, bad! Very bad!

livelaughlove21's avatar

It doesn’t necessarily make the cheater forever a horrendous person, but it doesn’t say much about them as a person at the time of the act. It’s a cowardly, dishonest thing to do – sneaking around and dishonoring your commitment to another person with complete disregard for their feelings? Come on.

As for having “reasons”, I call bullshit. No matter how open (or not) a relationship is, you should at least have the decency to tell your partner you’re unhappy or break it off before sleeping with someone else.

I’ve been cheated on, but I’ve never cheated. I don’t know how I could remain in a relationship with someone that cheated on me. All I’d be thinking about is them being naked with someone else, kissing and touching another woman. I could never touch them again.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I think it’s common. I think many people engage in some sort of infidelity. I think it’s a topic that isn’t black and white, there are a lot of ‘well, it depends.’ Cheating continuously for years is not okay, never dealing with the problems in your relationship is not okay, lying straight up to your partner is not okay, never giving another chance after a person cheats is also not okay. That’s how I feel about it, others have their own ideas. I’ve been a cheater and I’ve been cheated on, if it helps.

Supacase's avatar

I am so naive. I know it happens and, apparently, it happens a lot, but I can’t think of 3 people I know who have actually cheated. well, cheated and gotten caught or confided about it to me.

Coloma's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Well…as I told my ex husband, sure, everyone deserves a second chance, it’s just not going to be with me. haha
Hit the road toad.
Hop on down the bunny trail and wrangle up some new bunny tail.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Coloma Well, like I say, it really depends. You are the best judge of your situation.

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