If you are a transvestite and someone you feel is heterosexual is hitting on you, at what point do you feel you should inform them that "you can't always judge a book by its cover."?

Have you had a disappointing experience recently or something?

No. Anyone on a random woman is a sexist pig hunting for some quick pussy. The shock of a penis is exactly what they deserve.

@bookish1 No I have been with the same woman for 8 years now. I’m just trying to get to know my “fellow flutherers.”

@ragingloli Well lets assume that not all men are pieces of shit (I’d like to think I’m not) and they are actually looking for a compatible woman for romance as well as companionship. By they way, where does this question state that the “tranny” has to be a male pretending to be female? There are some women who make convincing males. This can be from all points of view.

Do you think one should wait until the other person falls in love and then tell them?

(Did someone get played recently? You seem a little tense at this question?)

It’s not any different than anyone elses sexual preferences. I’m a hetero female and have been hit on by gay women many times.
I just take it in stride and let them know I am not interested.
Hell no….do not wait until someone has fallen for you to drop the bomb that you don’t swing that way. No, no, no!

We need to sort out a few terms first.

Transvestite is a derogatory term for a male-bodied person dressed up in what is perceived as a female dress code. It does not mean, whatsoever, that they are trying to “pass” as being female, or that they personally identify with being female.

Also, we need to sort out gender and sex. Chances are, the person hitting on me in this hypothetical situation is more interested in my biological sex than my existential perception of what “gender”.

If you mean transgender, that is a completely different term and the way a transgendered person decides to present is variant. Some try to “pass”, others mess with gender presentation on purpose, etc.

Now, to answer your question: Fuck that noise. I have no obligation to tell anyone my gender identity or to “sort out” the way I dress with the way I am. If I want to tell, I’ll tell. And I won’t do it sooner no matter what the other person would prefer.

I think that those saying it’s the individuals own business are right, ethically. But following that advice might lead to an embarrassing and potentially even a threatening confrontation if the transvestite allows things to progress to the point where they begin to disrobe. That said there are not very many transvestites who, upon close observation, pass for the opposite gender well enough to fool someone, though. The person hitting on the TV may know and find that enticing.

Is this a hypothetical question, @Self_Consuming_Cannibal, or are we talking about a real-life adventure you are considering? I have to ask, given that you mention having been with a female partner for eight years.

Dude, don’t use the word tranny. Seriously. If you were speculating about gay people, would you call the hypothetical gay person a faggot? This isn’t about being politically correct. This is about not perpetuating hateful words that are uttered when trans women are beaten, raped and killed.

I think we all have the right to know ASAP if a potential sexual partner is of the sex/gender that they seem to be based on mainstream codes of dress. If you are like a man and behave like a man, I need to know if anatomically you are one before we go any further so that I won’t be disappointing and deceived when I find out you are not what you seem to be. I think that people’s sexual tastes can be detected when the two people are talking and being direct on what each person wants so that there won’t be any problem later on is the best approach.
Some of us are not totally acquainted with the right words to name the whole different categories.
I think @Self_Consuming_Cannibal clearly stated that he wants to know about his fellow jellies. He is certainly showing interest in the subject, but from that to jump to assumptions to whether he is considering an adventure of this kind is a bit far fetched. In any case, his question should not allow others to try to get into the realm of his sexual fantasies if such were the case.

@Yeahright This is not an inherent right that you possess any more than it is your right to know whether the person you are hitting on is a registered Republican or democrat. It is your right to know whether someone is registered as a felon or sex offender, but that’s not something that you can see, but something that you look up.

This hypothetical situation isn’t about someone you yearn to date in a serious, romantic way. This is someone who is hitting on a non-cisgendered person. We should have the right to open up about ourselves, about any component of our identity, when we feel ready to and not feel threatened to do so out of obligation.

Of course it is going to matter in a more serious, intimate relationship, and that is a major hurdle that they will have to cross together. But if some random person starts hitting on you, and says “Damn, you’re hot. Want a drink,” why should the response be, “By the way, I have a penis”? We default the “responsibility” to the non-cis person.

@muppetish I was referring to a situation in which going to bed seems possible, not just anyone hitting on anyone but they never get to the point where there is an actual probability of having sex. If the person is Repubican or Democrat will have no repercussion in the event they decide to have sex. If I go to bed with someone thinking he is a guy and it turns out to be a woman, I will feel totally deceived and profoundly offended. So yes, I think the person should know before they hit the bedroom. If they conceal that info, it will sure lead to trouble that can be avoided by being truthful from the start.

Huh. Really thought this question was being asked by a certain other jelly until I looked closer.

Note that this issue also comes up for us heterosexual male gamers who use female characters in an MMORPG. I figure that if I’m going to spend hours looking at my character,I want one that is nice to look at, but I have been hit on by people that assume that my character is the same gender as I am.

I generally don’t let that go on too long before revealing my RL gender.

All my characters are female, too, but I have a different reason.

@muppetish Is transvestite really a derogative term?

@dxs Good question. Personally, I always thought of it as a term used for those who merely liked dressing as the opposite sex to separate them from those who actually wished they were of the other gender.

@dxs Yes, it is derogatory. I would use cross-dresser over transvestite. There is certainly a distinction between the connotation each word evokes.

The major problem, though, is that too many people confuse the term transvestite with transgender. And that is a far worse faux pas.

When they are hitting on me? I have no obligation to tell them anything more than I want to tell them.

However, if I end up liking them and wanting to take things to more intimate places, then I think I should prepare them a little if I don’t want to risk getting clobbered.

Or worse.

I can’t imagine ever wanting to go that far to anyone who was hitting on me for my looks. More likely I’d be suggesting they check into a mental hospital.

@muppetish Looking it up in Merriam-Webster Dictionary I find, “a person and especially a male who adopts the dress and often the behavior typical of the opposite sex especially for purposes of emotional or sexual gratification.” That fails to mention it being derogatory. But the Psychological Terms they connect with it, “fetish, hypochondria, intelligence, mania, narcissism, neurosis, pathological, psychosis, schadenfreude, subliminal” include some that are far from flattering.

Based on the Wikipedia article on it, I would say cross dressing is a much broader topic than transvestism, and encompasses the transvestite within it.

@ETpro I am aware of the fetishism aspect. In the context of this question, however, I doubt a heterosexual male would mistake a “transvestite” by Merriam-Webster’s definition, as a woman. My point was that transvestite and transgender are not interchangeable under any circumstances. And you would not refer to just any male cross-dresser as a transvestite. It’s a very niche group if you want to use it without the term sounding derogatory.

@muppetish I don’t see any lack of clarity in the dictionary definition or the wider definition of cross-dressing stated in the Wikipedia article. Definitely, transgenderism is different from transvestism.

I can’t imagine that transgendered man or woman would want to take things so far that the first inkling that they didn’t have the expected parts was at the disrobing stage. Just like everyone I know they want to be accepted for who they are.

@muppetish Ok, ok. Thanks for the lesson in fucked up sexuality. Sorry I didn’t know all the terms.

@ETpro This is just a hypothetical question, just to see how different people’s minds work. I would never cheat on my wife and if I did, it certainly would NOT be with a man.

@Self_Consuming_Cannibal
” @muppetish Ok, ok. Thanks for the lesson in fucked up sexuality. Sorry I didn’t know all the terms.”
A can of worms just opened up right there.

@Self_Consuming_Cannibal
Fucked up sexuality? YOU are doing it with a WOMAN! How disgusting is that?!

Disgusting? Thought most humans mated, copulated, and reproduced like that. I have never heard of two men or two women procreating (adopting yes). So, no it’s not disgusting.

@Yeahright I think that was supposed to be ironic.

^Didn’t get that. Have a bit of a problem detecting tone here and making sense of remarks like that.

@Self_Consuming_Cannibal Aha. Thanks for clarifying. Back before I married, when living in the wild West of Hollywood, I seemed to gravitate to those with unique twists on gender. I had several friends who self identified either as transvestites or cross dressers. Most wanted to find a woman who would find their hobby acceptable, or even sexy. But there were some who wanted male attention only when in drag, and they were able to find men willing to pay the role. I never became close friends with any such guys, but it certainly seemed they were not gay. When not fooling around with TVs and CDs, they pursued XX style females.

I guess the possibilities for human sexual interaction are enormous, and if it can possibly happen, it will.

@ragingloli Well to answer your questions, “Fucked up sexuality? YOU are doing it with a WOMAN! How disgusting is that?!”

It’s not disgusting at all if you’re a heterosexual male (me), a lesbian (Ellen Degeneres) or someone bisexual.

@ETpro Right you are. As always speaking with you is always a pleasure as well as enlightening.

@Self_Consuming_Cannibal :-)