Social Question

youth's avatar

I have a crush on a girl, but I can't show it because of my job?

Asked by youth (19points) January 20th, 2013

Im a female Resident Advisor in a university, and have developed a crush for a girl on my floor. The two of us hang out a lot. I’ve begun to feel that she too likes me (I know for sure she is a lesbian). She hangs out in my room a lot, and we talk so much, also she sits super close to me, and our hands would linger over each others for a few seconds more than usual, but I would always pull away. Same with hugs.

However, I can’t be in a relationship with any of my residents due to my position as an RA. What should I do? It’s so hard not to talk with her, hang out with her, and not have an urge to hug her in a way that isn’t just a friend.

Also, I haven’t exactly come out to her, or anyone before at all. I’ve only recently begun to realize that I am probably bisexual. I am still figuring things out. I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone before either. So this relationship thing is new too.

I’m in a limbo. Help! Suggestions? Tips?

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14 Answers

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

Tell her. “I like you, and I’d like to be closer to you, but I can’t yet because of my RA job.”

fremen_warrior's avatar

Happiness is rare, and you can always find another job, simple as that.

marinelife's avatar

Tell her that you can’t have a relationship with her. Perhaps she can move.

wundayatta's avatar

It is important to stick to the boundaries, as you have. You should feel good about that. It can be hard to stick to them, but remember this, if it is love, it will last. You have a few more months as this person’s RA and then, unless you are a senior, there is next year. Or even the summer. Waiting can be part of the delight of romance, and it can be a test of the relationship.

Of course, if you are not really thinking about a long term relationship, then it is even more important to follow the rules of your job. A short term affair can be very damaging, especially between an RA and a student. So it is best to wait until you are no longer in an official relationship.

Of course, in the real world. there are a lot of people who don’t do what they should. But still in this case, you should try not to let your emotions get the better of you.

youth's avatar

One thing is, Im afraid that if I tell her I like her, but cant go any further until I’m no longer her RA, I will ruin the great friendship that we have.

Then, on the other hand, if I continue the way that we have been, and waiting it out, without directly stating the above, I will be viewed as just a friend in a few months time, and not anything else when I am no longer her RA…Also I think she thinks Im straight…Ive only talked to her about guys…

marinelife's avatar

Tell her. Cards on the table.

wundayatta's avatar

It would be very inappropriate to tell her. Be friends for now. It is your responsibility to do that. When your professional relationship is over, she might see you as a friend, but I think that once she understands what has happened, if she was once interested, she will still be interested in moving to a new relationship.

Or you could tell her and then try to keep it a secret. But everyone will soon know. She will probably talk about it. Then everyone will know and if it goes bad, or if you are reading her wrong, you could even get into trouble and lose your job. Telling her is inappropriate and highly risky. As long as you know the potential consequences, you can make a reasonably informed choice.

I’m always in favor of love, but there are times when it seems you have to put it aside due to other commitments you have made.

bob_'s avatar

Ah, forbidden lesbian love…

* closes eyes, smiles *

Shippy's avatar

I’m not sure what a RA is, but if it is a counselor type relationship can you not end that with her. You know like say I can’t be your RA anymore. Then you are free to pursue it?

wundayatta's avatar

An RA is a resident advisor in a dorm full of college kids. You can’t really end the relationship without one or both people moving out of the dorm and finding somewhere new to live. The RA would have to resign their position as well. It’s not so simple. Better just to wait three months and the semester will be over.

youth's avatar

Resigning is not an option for me…no way am I moving back home. Being an RA is what keeps me living on campus.

So I guess, I just have to continue the way Ive been going… :/ I was just hoping there was something I could be doing instead…

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