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Carinaponcho's avatar

Do you believe there is a right age to lose your virginity?

Asked by Carinaponcho (1376points) January 25th, 2013 from iPhone

Do you believe there is a right age to lose your virginty? Do you believe that you should wait until marriage until you lose is, or until someone feels ready?

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35 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I think you’ll know when you’re ready to lose it. Don’t let anyone pressure you one way or the other.

JLeslie's avatar

I don’t believe there is a right age, but I think waiting until at least 16 is a good idea. I think waiting until marriage is unrealistic and causes people to do ridiculous things like getting married too young so they can finally screw their brains out.

I also agree with @Adirondackwannabe never do it because you are feeling pressured. Wait until you feel ready and want to.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

When you are willing and able to be responsible for all the consequences for yourself and your partner and the same is true with your partner.

janbb's avatar

For me, it had to be in the context of a loving relationship but not necessarily a marriage. I was 18 and it felt like the right time. Everyone is different but I do think as @JLeslie said that under 16, you are probably not ready.

Shippy's avatar

I personally feel when you are old enough to support a child. Not that you would have a child, of course. But around that age.

HolographicUniverse's avatar

I do not advocate teenage intercourse as I find the potential consequences too risky. I feel that 18, by legal standards and developmental wise, is the “right” age

But thats simply my opinion, someone may say that there is no right” age once one reaches puberty.. It’s a matter of timing

diavolobella's avatar

I advised my daughter to wait and I’d advise you the same. You’ve already told us in another thread that you are a high school sophomore. My daughter is 18 and still has no intention of having sex. She says she’s not ready and I’m glad she is strong enough not to let someone persuade her otherwise. Her last boyfriend was sexually experienced, but she let him know upfront that it was not going to be an option with her and if he had a problem with that, they need not date. He respected her all the more for not doing something she wasn’t ready for because he might have preferred it. I sincerely wish I had been as strong in my beliefs as she is because I deeply regret becoming sexually active when I was younger than her. If there is one thing in my life I could change, that would be it because it began a long series in my life of me compromising myself for the benefit of a guy, when it wasn’t what I really wanted.

As I told her, life is complicated enough. Once you add sex into the equation, it is another complication. You have to worry about birth control, STDs, pregnancy, etc. This is the time of life when you are probably more able to be carefree than at any other time in your life, so enjoy this time because the older you get the more complicated life gets and the more responsibilities you will have. Be a kid. Savor it, because it’ll be over before you know it. You have all the time in the world to have a sexual relationship when you truly feel ready and are genuinely able to make smart decisions and protect yourself.

Just like I said in your other question, relax. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up.

burntbonez's avatar

No one should lose their virginity until they are 35. Men and women should not be allowed to associate with each other until that age. Ok. Maybe 30. But definitely not 25. I lost mine at 25 and that was definitely too soon!~

diavolobella's avatar

For the record, my son is almost 21 and he’s not sexually active either. We are agnostic, so religion has nothing to do with it and all the advice I ever gave them was that it complicates life a lot (for the reasons stated above) so if you really don’t feel ready there is no shame in choosing not to until you are. He just says it has yet to be the right time/person. I give both my kids major props for being true to themselves

HolographicUniverse's avatar


I wouldnt say it “complicates” life but rather that it’s not a necessity in one’s life, there is no intrinsic benefit therefore it is nothing they are “missing” in terms of being happy. I wouldn’t try to instill them with fear, however, regarding intercourse.

diavolobella's avatar

@HolographicUniverse I think it does complicate life. You have to worry about a whole set of things you don’t have to worry about if you aren’t having sex. Birth control and how to pay for it, whether it will work or not, pregnancy, STDs, your reputation, whether the person you are having sex with is faithful or trustworthy and most importantly whether you are doing it to give pleasure to someone else, when you physically aren’t ready to enjoy it yourself. Those things are hard enough to deal with when you are an adult, but even more stressful when you are still a kid. I haven’t said sex is something to be fearful of in any way, just that in a practical sense, it presents a bunch of issues you have to deal with that you otherwise would not.

DominicX's avatar

I don’t think there’s any “right age” that can be applied to across the board. To err on the side of caution, it might be wise to avoid having sex before both people are at the age of consent, and on the whole, just based on my own personal feelings, I’m not crazy about sex before 16. But that’s no rule that I would apply to anyone. For me, the right age was 17, a month before turning 18. I don’t feel it could’ve happened a better way.

muppetish's avatar

I waited until I was in a loving relationship. That was all I was waiting for and I am glad that I did. Relationships just didn’t interest me when I was in high school so I never felt any pressure to become emotionally or sexually involved with others. My friends who did, struggled more with determining whether they were making the “right” decision.

What I think it really comes down to is whether you feel capable of handling any possible outcome (emotional attachment, whether reciprocated or not, pregnancy, disease, etc.) Knowing how you would handle those situations is important. At the very least, you should have someone that you feel comfortable talking about these things. If someone doesn’t have someone like that, if they don’t even feel comfortable talking about sex, then they should probably wait.

HolographicUniverse's avatar


But your exploiting the extremities involved, most of which are present in excessive intercourse only. Responsible individuals exercise healthy sexuality and have no problem taking birth control, using condoms etc.
But I do agree to an extent, I dont think people under a certain age should indulge in sex but considering the age of your children I wouldn’t discourage it but I would encourage safe sex… But I do agree to an extent Bella, just not entirely

diavolobella's avatar

@HolographicUniverse Bear in mind, the person answering the question here is a 15 year old high school sophomore, so my answer was tailored specifically to her situation. I’m not speaking of adults.

I also have not discouraged my children at the ages they are now. I gave them the same advice I gave the OP when they were the age of the OP. My point in mentioning them now is that, even at the ages they have now reached, they have decided on their own that they still aren’t ready and have not felt the need to cave to peer pressure. It’s their own decision and they know when they do decide they are ready that I will provide any help they need (if any) to assure they have access to birth control and other safe sex information.

Also birth control, the possibilities of STDS and pregnancy are not associated with “excessive intercourse” (I’m not sure I know what you mean by that term). They are facts and/or possibilities which must be considered every time you have intercourse, which should not be minimized. Birth control can fail resulting in pregnancy and/or STDs.

diavolobella's avatar

you can also get STDs from oral sex

Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

I’ve always heard that if you’re able to crawl then you’re in the right position.~ LOL

Here’s some youngsters who could use a little advise.

Coloma's avatar

I agree with @diavolobella
I gave up my virginity to a jerk at barely 16. My daughter waited until she was almost 22 in her first serious relationship. I agree…wait as long as possible, it does complicate things and the stress and worry of accidental pregnancies and other issues are not something a teen needs to deal with. True, there is no “perfect” age, but….if you can make it to 18 or longer, the better IMO.

AshLeigh's avatar

I think the age of consent in the persons state is the youngest they should be having sex.

bookish1's avatar

When you find the right person.

I first had sex earlier than everyone here who has stated their age. I wasn’t pressured. I was very lucky. The first person I had sex with was someone I loved deeply, who loved me. Who had saved me, in fact. We were in a profound and meaningful relationship for two years in high school, which is a long time when you are so young and changing so rapidly.

My only regret is that I allowed my standards to lower considerably after that relationship, out of the fear of being alone.

rooeytoo's avatar

When you are ready to be a parent. When you have discussed how you both feel about abortion in case of pregnancy. Because there is no 100% sure method of birth control.

bookish1's avatar

^ One of many reasons why homo sex is pretty cool.

DominicX's avatar

@bookish1 Woo! Homo sex :D

JLeslie's avatar

Still can get sick though. Pregnancy can be terminated, some illnesses last a lifetime.

bookish1's avatar

@DominicX : fistbump?

@JLeslie : Sounds like a non sequitur… Straight people get STDs as well. I was certainly taking precautions against them when I had my first experience. Being a queer teenager sucked. Bullying, having rocks thrown at me, etc. It was a small compensation to know that no one was going to get pregnant at least.

JLeslie's avatar

@bookish1 Of course straight people get STD’s. My statement was for everyone. My bigger concern is the STD’s is my only point, even some of the curable ones can leave women infertile.

deni's avatar

I think in general to avoid other emotional or mental issues, somewhere between 16–18 give or take a little is a healthy age. I say that because I only had one friend who waited, not by choice, longer than that. He was 22 and it drove him insane and I think he still has low self esteem because of it. I think that’s pretty common. Same (but in a different way) goes for someone who has sex at 12 and…. yikes. That’s self explanitory.

lillycoyote's avatar

I admit I haven’t read the previous comments. I’m lazy and tired tonight. I don’t think there is a “right age.” I think there is the right person, the right circumstances and the right time and that is going to be completely different for each person. You could be 15 or 40, who knows?

There aren’t too many things that are more personal and less subject to some sort of specific timetable than the first time you have sex.

desiree333's avatar

I don’t know if there is a specific age to lose your virginity. I don’t believe in waiting until marriage, but I do think you should wait until you at least understand sex. In the sense that you can truly enjoy it, because you are mature enough to understand your body.

I was talking with a co-worker/friend today and this somehow came up. She lost her virginity at 12. It actually made me feel a little sad for her, the fact that she hadn’t even reached puberty yet and she had already been having sex. Just thinking there was no mystery and spontaneity to her sexual experiences by the time she was just a teenager. It makes me feel happy for once that I’d “missed out” on sex during my teens.

Aethelwine's avatar

The age when you become emotionally mature and responsible. Until then, you aren’t ready.

ragingloli's avatar

After you are married. If you lose your virginity before that, you must be killed. Unless you were raped, than you get to live, but must marry your rapist. – yours truly, God.

bookish1's avatar

@ragingloli: ugh, I just heard that Morocco’s civil code allows for rapists to get out of punishment by marrying their underage victims.

Paradox25's avatar

My own opinion is a resounding ‘no’. I’m sure that many others do have a Mendoza line of sorts when it comes to this though.

Like others have said, more partners and sex doesn’t always mean better sex. Also some people prefer to grow sexually with their partner.

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