What are the tricks to self discipline?

Quite possibly, self discipline is overrated.

I see it as you deciding whether you believe in your goals or not. If you really believe in your goals, you will discipline yourself to achieve them. If you are not finding the discipline, then your goals are not really your goals. They are goals you think you should want, but not goals you truly want.

The trick to self discipline is aligning your true goals with your superego’s goals. Then you are in agreement with yourself and you can easily do what you want to do.

For example, most people get stuck because their parents in their head tells them to do one thing, but what they really want is to have fun. The true goal and superego goals are not aligned. They won’t be able to discipline themselves. They’ll find themselves seeing movies or gaming or fluthering instead of studying or writing the manuscript or whatever else they thought they should be doing.

I have self-discipline but I hate being told what to, or how to think. I submit reluctantly.

Sure, like it I’m dieting and want a cupcake then I will eat the cupcake occasionally when I feel like I reallly want to.

Self-discipline works best when a person is mature enough to recognize how important it is and to not set unrealistic goals.

The “trick” is learning how to disengage from unhelpful desires and thoughts. This is an exercise in purposeful attention.

You’ve probably heard of the famous Stanford “marshmallow experiment”, where 4-year-olds were tested on their ability to hold off on eating treats for 15 minutes; if they succeeded, they were rewarded with twice as many treats. Those who succeeded pretty consistently employed the same strategy: they diverted their attention away from the treats sitting there on the table and occupied themselves with other things.

You can develop the ability to consciously direct your attention. It will naturally tend to lock in on things that promise short-term reward, and as long as it’s engaged there, the urge to gratify those desires will be overwhelming. But you have the choice to put your attention elsewhere. It can be a struggle, but once the attention is no longer caught up in the attraction, it loses its compelling power.

It’s hard to overstate the importance of acquiring this basic skill. The researchers followed the kids in the marshmallow study into adulthood and found that those who had mastered this ability to use their attention purposefully grew up to enjoy uniformly happier and easier lives.

Don’t eat the marshmallow.

A friend of mine posted an article on that very topic on her Facebook wall. You might appreciate it.

@burntbonez That is an interesting outlook. It must take a lot of self actualization to reach that point with success.

@KNOWITALL I am very stubborn and am naturally antiauthority. I also ignore what I deem arbitrary rules that have minimal benefits. So I get it.

As to the cupcake thing makes sense. A little reward and avoid the feeling of self deprivation or self punishment.

@thorninmud no I actually had not heard about that study. I did no preliminary research on this topic. But thank you for sharing. Redirection is something I employ often at work it is very effective. Well and on myself but not so well, because it takes self discipline to consistently discipline myself..

@cazzie but but… ok…
@CWOTUS I did find that link to be fascinating and I was agreeing right along with it. Thank you for the share.

I think it is a habit. Like any habit it takes a couple of weeks to ingrain and continue. I can use and example. Coming out of my depression the last thing on my mind was housecleaning and doing washing.

Currently I am functioning fairly well. (I get seriously bad days though).

But I have a routine now. I get up, clean the apartment, shower, dress, clean the shower and have everything ‘just so”. This is so I can welcome massage clients into my home. I put folded towels on the bath side with crystals on top. I burn incense, I wash towels the night before. My goal is one massage a day. Then when I have earned my money that day, (goal), I go to the mall to bank it and buy what I need that day.

Its a lot of discipline for a person that sat like a stone for a year. And couldn’t even get into the bath.

Some days I fail. But I try again the next day.

The point is, I find myself now cleaning and doing those same things, even on days I do not work. It’s now an ingrained habit. I would feel crazy weird not washing the bathroom and placing towels in certain ways after a shower for example.

@Shippy I think that is wonderful.

I understand the paralyzing effect of anxiety, maybe not to the degree you deal with but it is powerful and can easily rob one of the ability to function.

Small steps are major victories. And those little acts become the launchpad of coping mechanisms.

This touches a personal note with me because I have been struggling with anxiety all week.

It took a huge amount of energy to barely stay on a wobbly course. It may not be a huge victory to most people but I know I would have been much worse even several months ago.

Thanks for sharing. To clean bathrooms and arranged towels.

@YARNLADY I did read you comment earlier it slipped my mind and I must have been scrolling too fast on my phone for it to register. Sorry for my rudeness.

Unrealistic goals are a big component to failure, at least my stumbling around on my own I have found this to be true.

It is good to be reminded.

Think of it as a muscle which gets exhausted, but it can also be trained. Roy Baumeister shows us how.

Self discipline is not one of my strong suits (not good for a writer), but in at least one matter that’s very important to me, my weight, I’ve learned to use it by visualizing how much better I look and feel when I’m at my optimal weight and then just start eating right and walking at night. This happened most recently six months ago. Nothing I owned fit me, and I felt sluggish and ugly. After six months of very disciplined dieting—really, just careful eating and more walking—I’m down to my fighting weight and feeling terrific. I may still be ugly, but I feel great!

@mattbrowne Mental note look up Roy Baumeister. Good analogy.

@Pachyderm_In_The_Room Smiles at your success. Well if you are a writer you must have more discipline then you give yourself credit for.

@rosehips, I’d like to write you a thank you note but I can’t work up the energy. ;-)

@rosehips Honestly, I don’t think self-actualization has much to do with it. Or maybe some. But mostly it’s self-awareness. Observing yourself and studying yourself as if you were not yourself (to try to avoid bias). In this way, you learn your own patterns, and you develop theories about what you “really” want based on your behavior, rather than based on your thoughts.

Once you have a good theory about what you really want, you can work to align yourself more closely with those goals, instead of beating yourself up because you aren’t really working to get what you think you should want. Working for shoulds is what most people do. Then they beat themselves up when they find themselves not doing what they think they should do.

If we find out what we truly want to do—that is, what we will actually work towards easily—then it becomes easy to be disciplined, because you are always doing what you want to do.

It is possible to delay gratification when working for what you really want to do.

@Pachyderm_In_The_Room I was going to cry but I dried up. So I’ll let it go this time. : )

@burntbonez I suppose it is quite possible. It sounds good. Reality has too heavy a grip on me. It dictates to me what I no longer have any choice in.