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talljasperman's avatar

How to cope with the silent treatment that has lasted over a decade? (details inside)

Asked by talljasperman (21734points) February 20th, 2013

My family, and some of my friends are trying to hurt eachother by giving the silent treatment for decades at a time. Some are withholding info and contact. How does one get my their power back in such a situation… especially if the other knows that you really care about the past? (secrets and whatnot).

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7 Answers

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Are you in this situation? If so, what do you want to see happen?

Judi's avatar

You make a life for yourself outside of the other people. You do what you can but realize you can only change yourself, not anyone else.
You may need to get counseling to see yourself through the process and give yourself permission to find happiness without these people in your life.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

If someone tried that with me I’d just cut them out of my life until they learn how mature people act. I don’t need that crap. Maybe you should look in the mirror and ask yourself why you put up with it?

burntbonez's avatar

You have to forgive….

…and hope for the best.

wundayatta's avatar

Someone has to be the first to hold out an olive branch. That probably means accepting the blame and begging for forgiveness. Of course, if the parties have been silent for ten years, then I bet there’s a lot of pride involved, so I can’t see anyone doing this.

Still, someone has to be a grownup and decide this is silly and that whatever it takes to get back together is worth it. Otherwise it won’t happen.

zensky's avatar

Someone has to be the first to hold out an olive branch. It could be you – as you seem to be interested in resolving this – you did raise the issue here and are obviously thinking about it.

But first: answer @Dr_Lawrence ‘s questions. Then do as suggested above by these smarter jellies. Rinse and repeat. By that I mean – it might take more than one try; a canyon of silence might take a serious bridge to cross.

Shippy's avatar

I’d move on, the silent treatment or punishment does me a ‘good girl’ make. I’d move on to people who really loved me.

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