No offense, but are most divorced men over forty alcoholics?

I didn’t start drinking until after my divorce. I don’t do it before 9, and beer is fattening. Whiskey is the way to go.

Now as to why this goes on, most of my friends who are around 40 I do consider alcoholics are at the tail end of bad marriages. I assume the bad marriage starts the heavy drinking, and when they get divorced they have no one nagging them about it.

No, most divorced men over 40 are not alcoholics. They may have been married to an alcoholic. Or it may have been something completely different. There is no bigger proportion amongst divorced people than in the general population.

Alcoholism is a family diseases, so you may have noticed it in people you know. I’d ask you, why don’t the “wives” go to Al Anon instead of begging?

Why does your ex’s sister repeatedly choose alcoholic men to date?

@zenvelo I never inquired about Al Anon but I think my ex’s sister would never choose an alcoholic to date. There are so many ways they hide it from her for awhile and then she starts to get suspicious. But she has been single for so many years I think she’s very lonely and tends to want to believe she’s imagining things. Then she comes home to her 52 year old alcoholic son who is divorced. He was what was called a “Jesus freak” during his long marriage then, when his wife left him, he began drinking. I suppose she could have gone to Al Anon; we only talk once every two years so I don’t know. It is so hard for women to know when a man is crossing the line from having a drink at dinner to gradually starting at 9am. Oh; her husband became an alcoholic after they had been married for decades. He taught Sunday School as did she and he was a Boy Scout leader.

Why would anyone take offense at a silly and unfounded assumption and generalization?

Oh, wait… never mind.

I’ve been separated since 2001, and only not-divorced for personal reasons having to do with my wife’s health care. So you should consider me divorced. I am certainly not an alcoholic. I have maybe one or two drinks every month or two. I know lots of guys who are also divorced. I don’t think I know anyone that I suspect of being an alcoholic.

This is no more disproof of your assertion than your experience is grounds for such an unfounded assumption.

For the record, of the alcoholics that I have known over my life, and there have been a number of them, nearly every one of them was married.

I’m divorced. I will let you know when I am over 40 if I become an alcoholic.

@CWOTUS you must have misread my question. I asked, ”......ARE most divorced men over forty alcoholics?” The alcoholics I’ve known have been mostly, not all, divorced or in a bad marriage. So I began wondering about it hoping no one would be defensive.

I’m not offended—just amused by the word “most.” I’m divorced. Over 40. A non-drinker.

I am, however, a cheeseoholic.

When anybody says, “no offense, but…” I ignore the “no offense” part of the question. Saying that does not make whatever is written less offensive.

For example if I write, “No offense, but have you always been this asinine?” do you take offense any less?

What a bizarre (and unfounded) assumption.

Most divorced men over forty (or even thirty -seven) are not alcoholics.

How do I know? Because I am Jewish and thus smarter that most people (or at least most women over forty.)

Extrapolating from “one’s family” to “most people” is also illogical.

@Aster Actually, the assertion you raise in your last post is very real- that is, men (and women) who are active alcoholics do not have thriving or long lived marriages. But it is the alcoholism that ruins relationships, not the divorce that causes alcoholism.

@Aster I know that science isn’t your forte, but when you ask a question such as this you are stating a hypothesis. And that’s fine. It’s a valid question, as questions go, but you’ve already expressed your bias in the background to the question. So it’s disingenuous to throw up your hands defensively and say, “Hey, I was only askin’!”

A more valid question might be “Is alcoholism (or other drug abuse) behind most divorces in the USA?”

Ah, I see that @zenvelo beat me to my own response… on both counts.

The question that begs to be asked, @Aster, is why are there so many active alcoholics and enablers in your family and your circle of friends?

Also, people don’t just become alcoholics out of the blue at a certain age or when a certain crisis happens in their lives.

I’m 27, divorced and already on my way to alcoholism. Your assumption must be entirely correct now. Lol.

Drunks come in all sizes, shapes, ages and marital statuses.

And as @zenvelo says, anyone who finds themselves in the constant company of alcoholics needs to go to Alanon. I will go one step further and say that we attract and are attracted to people who have complementary neurosis. So you must have a problem if this is your situation (not you in the your, but anyone). They definitely need Alanon or ACOA.

No.

Not as simple as chicken and the egg idea. I’m sure some men would love to say that their bad marriage drove them to drink when what really happened was that they tired of their wives nagging them to be grow up, sober up and step up. I’m equally sure that some men probably found more solice in a bottle after a split up, when, before, they never consumed alcohol to that level before. I’m also sure there are men that stopped drinking for what ever reason, or never cared for the stuff and are over 40.

Only the Jewish ones.

@bkcunningham “The question that begs to be asked, @Aster, is why are there so many active alcoholics and enablers in your family and your circle of friends?” Answer: that is a good question. Several of them are close relatives of the family my daughter married into. My ex MIL’s husband , both of whom are deceased , was over forty and I met him twice. Her first husband, also deceased, she accused of being an alcoholic and I knew him for 18 years. My ex’s sister’s son, 52, is alcoholic and I knew him for many years . So obviously I’m not related by blood to any of them. My present husband’s father, now deceased, was said to have been an alcoholic but I never saw any signs of it. So this post of mine is making me think that alcoholism is very widespread and covered up by millions of people. And I had them in my immediate family, too. I wonder if half of the people alive today are alcoholics?
@Rarebear , yes; I have always been this asinine. Have you always been rude and obnoxious? Why not busy yourself writing out prescriptions for chemical substances under the guise of helping someone?

I wouldn’t be surprised if I know more teenage and twenty-something girls that are showing alcoholic tendancies than divorced men over the age of forty.

I wonder if half of the people alive today are alcoholics?

That would be 3, 486,692,200 people, give or take a million. Where did you come up with that idea? Using solipsism can lead us all down mysterious paths and would generate my private theory that half of the population has gone to college, gotten degrees in the Liberal Arts and OD’d on potato latkes.

I think it is genetic, @Aster. I also think that the behavior learned in childhood by children of alcoholics makes them more likely to be attracted to what they are familiar with in their own relationships. There are people who don’t drink a drop but are part of the cycle of dysfunctional, codependency. You have to learn to recognize your own behaviors and that is all you can be responsible for changing.

@Aster aaaand you just made my point. Thanks!

I see a lot of this in both post-divorced sexes over forty. When I was newly divorced about ten years ago, I forewarned myself. I’d seen countless apartments of divorced male friends strewn with newspapers, 24hr ESPN permanently on TV, and the remote on the coffee table cluttered with empty beer cans or a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels next to an overfilled ashtray. I swore I wasn’t going to waste my release into the wild this way. Once I started seeing women again, I noticed it was hard to find one who wasn’t tippling too heavy or bombed on Xanax after dark. I think these people are bored and lonely and at loose ends. Mid-life can be a bitch, I guess.

I chose to recall all the things that fell by the wayside during 20 years of genteel domesticity. All the activities I pursued before marriage such as diving, surfing, sailing and traveling. I took up kite-surfing for awhile. I renewed my private pilot license. But sailing was always my favorite thing. I began going to film festivals again. I went to book shows. I gave my TV away. I found a great little cafe to hang out in near my gym. Luckily, I can’t drink. It makes me sick as a dog. I began meeting healthy people who were into the same things I was into. The women I meet, active women, seem to be able to handle their demons a lot better. I recommend this. Recall your interests and pursue them like your life depends on it. Join a club headlining those interests. First thing I did was join a Scuba club to defray costs. Women who swim a lot generally have beautiful legs and derrieres. I’d forgotten that. It’s worked out fine for me.

Interesting question. I think a lot of males over 40 appear worse when they drink. Lot’s of younger men drink, or drug. But somehow they can get away with it. As being fun, or crazy, or out for a laugh. When you are over 40 you become sad.

@Shippy That’s why it’s just better to drink at home and wallow in the sadness alone where no one can judge you for having fun while you’re old in public lol.

No I am forty, divorced for a year now and I don’t drink and smoke.
I don’t sit and watch sport all day, I don’t care about the news or weather reports on TV.
I exercise and do a little yoga when I got time to attend classes.
I go hiking regularly and even take out the old ladies trash. I don’t like cars, I hate, bars, clubs and strip joints, I do own a car and a bike. And I have been shopping around for a yacht.
I am involved with nature conservation and is a active member of community organizations.
MY POINT IS NOT ALL DIVORCED MEN ARE LAZY FAT SLOBS WHO HAVE NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE!

^^^ And not all divorced men shout a lot either.

@gailcalled true indeed.

I’m over forty and divorced. I would’ve been an alcoholic but being Jewish cancels it out.

@zenzen I do know Jewish alcoholics. They tell of seder’s with four bottles of Manischevitz each.

I think getting drunk once a year on Pesach does not an alcoholic make.

@zenvelo: Anyone who can actually swallow four bottles of Manischewtz is not an alcoholic but a sugar junky (and just plain a ritch in kop).

There’s evidence that men don’t handle divorce as well as women, so maybe that’s a factor.

@Paradox25 don’t agree, I was overjoyed when my wife left me. Just hated everything about her and her family. Being married for twelve years was pure torture.

My own experience, if anyone is collecting data… My ex spent the first two weeks of January in the psych ward and is now on serious anti-depressants, but I don’t know if that has to do with our upcoming divorce, his diagnosis of ADD, PDD-NOS, or that his new girlfriend, more than 10 years younger, broke up with him, so perhaps that is no evidence at all?