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jordym84's avatar

Why is this so upsetting?

Asked by jordym84 (4742points) April 14th, 2013

Whilst browsing the Meta section just now, I discovered that three of my favorite Jellies are no longer with us (as far as I can tell, two left of their own accord and the third one may have been banned?). I liked them all for different reasons, mainly for their unique Q&A contributions, even though I only communicated with one of them on a PM level. The other day, while at work, I randomly noted the absence of one of them in the back of my mind and this had been bugging me for a few days, so when I got home this evening, I looked them up and I was shocked to see good ol’ Triton munching on a Jelly.

Has it ever happened to you that you came on Fluther and realized that one of your favorite Jellies had abandoned ship and, as a result, felt a huge sense of emptiness? I miss their presence terribly and now feel like, at any moment, I could lose another favorite Jelly…it’s a sad feeling.

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28 Answers

Inspired_2write's avatar

Why is it that we only seem to miss people when they are gone?
Is it at that point that we realize there worth?
Such is life I guess?

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

You are not overreacting. Your emotions do not need to be excused.

You had respect and admiration for what these particular jellies contributed to the site, and now they are gone.

In my opinion, the first thing to realize is that we are all here on Fluther at the whim of the owners. The site does not make them rich, and they keep it open and running anyway.

The second thing I like to keep in mind is that the nature of the Internet is transient. Users come and go. Things change. It’s tough to cope at times, but it is the way of things.

I also remind myself that I know few jellies really. I visited with one on Skype one time, and we got along very well. I would like to visit with that user again on Skype, but I live in a weird time zone and so does the other person.

I know a few jellies on other sites on the Internet, and we get along well. Still, it’s not the same thing as knowing a person in real life. Close, but not quite the same.

You seem to be feeling a sense of loss, and that’s completely normal. Part of your experience on this site has gone.

Don’t let the grief swallow you up and drive you away. Perhaps, you could instead make it a point to welcome one newcomer each time you log on. Except for new spammers. We all want them banished to the farthest reaches of the Inferno.

Bellatrix's avatar

I agree with everything @Hawaii_Jake has said. Especially that it’s not unusual or unreasonable to feel a sense of loss when someone we have become fond of or made a connection with online is no longer there. There are people who have gone who I still miss. I’m quite upset about the latest jelly who is AWOL. With people who are banned, well they are gone and all I can suggest is you could try to connect with them via Facebook.

With those who voluntarily leave, some may not really be gone. People disable an account and in time open another. For whatever reason they may decide not to share with the community that they were here before under another name. Obviously we don’t know why they’ve made this decision so we can only respect their choice. Still it does mean that some of those we miss, may only be missing in name. Others may come back at a later time and re-instate their account.

Try not to be too sad. There are people here who care about you and would be sad if you weren’t here. I like @Hawaii_Jake‘s idea of using your loss as motivation to welcome new members.

marinelife's avatar

Yes, it can be upsetting, but you will find that people come and go on this site. It’s the nature of the beast.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

We’re all here at our own free will. If we find the downside is more than the upside we’re free to leave. And it’s pretty easy for some people to hide behind a computer screen and throw bombs at people to see what kind of reaction they can get. It gives the small and weak a way to feel strong. Sometimes it gets to me as well. But I have a bunch of special jellies I have got to know, some really well. I’ve learned to brush aside the bomb throwers like the gnats they really are. But I have a fairly thick skin. But it is upsetting when we lose a jelly that is special to me. But there isn’t much I can do about it other than keep in touch with other means.

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

Yes, it is a little saddening. I had one great jelly who told me they were leaving, but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss them.

You have to realize also that could it mean that the name that you knew is gone but they are still actually here.

I am one of those people.

I was here a long time ago and just took it too personal. So I left.

Then later I came back a better, stronger jelly. If you take a liking to someone you should ask for their email.

I did this with a jelly and although we don’t have much contact lately I. Miss. Him. :(:(:( even tho we are just a cellphone away and have been non fluther friends for years.

JLeslie's avatar

There are three jellies now who have left fluther for what seems to be permanent who I was very glad I was facebook friends with them also. One of them has now dissapeared completely from what I can tell, but the other two are on facebook still. Even though I see them on facebook it just is not the same as fluther. Fluther has richer discussions, the mods to keep total idiots out, and for those who wish it, anonymity.

ninjacolin's avatar

The trick is not to be anyone’s favorite. That way, it doesn’t hurt everyone so much when you get hit by a truck irl.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I think it is good thing you are a bit upset. I means you care. You are richer for it.
You get some much more out of the experience when you feel you know the people.

Lives change and many factors affect participation here: work load, health, family demands, activities, etc. (Also, some folks leave but come back under a different name.) Everyone gets something different from spending time here. That is ok.

Better to have lurved and lost than never to have lurved at all. ;-)

LuckyGuy's avatar

^^^ Ugh! I hate typos. “I think it is a good thing you are a bit upset. It means you care. You are richer for it. You get so much more…”

KNOWITALL's avatar

Every stranger we meet is another world to be explored, one you may not have known until you met them.

It’s not wrong to care, and it does feel less friendly/ homey when they leave. I hear a lot of blame placed on the site or moderators, but as in life, there are rules we must obey sometimes, so if our friends make the decision not to follow those rules, that is their choice. That being said, this particular site is “less” when people leave.

Berserker's avatar

@Inspired_2write A good point, but that doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy a user while they’re here. else, how could would we miss them when they’re gone? On my part, there are users that I never got to know, therefore, I cannot miss if they’re gone.

I can count four users who have gone in the passed month and a half. Our community is thinning out. :(

ucme's avatar

There are quite literally two…no, three people whose lives would be left empty & meaningless if I ever left this place. I’d just like to take this oppurtunity to set their minds at ease, rest assured, i’m here to stay pilgrims.
It’s a heavy responsiblity I carry for these fucking idiots people, but I work well under pressure :-)

zenzen's avatar

Imagine how we feel – those who have been here for years…

Sucks big time.

jca's avatar

@Symbeline: Yes, there may be four that left in the past month and a half, but there are probably a bunch more that just joined. Perhaps the majority of those will not be frequent contributors, but who knows. The community evolves…...

Berserker's avatar

I certainly have hope, but it’s been my experience on this site that out of ten new squishies, we might get one that stays and becomes a regular. (out of the four I’m counting, one was relatively new, as well)

rojo's avatar

I do miss some of the opposing points of view.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I used to like a guy named Zen but he disappeared.

JLeslie's avatar

@LuckyGuy He was reincarnated and now I worship him. Or, is that resurrected?

LuckyGuy's avatar

@JLeslie When I looked in the cave where they put his cancelled account, it was empty, so maybe….

thorninmud's avatar

“Lo, he is re-zen!”

glacial's avatar

@Symbeline I find myself wondering if they were really all different people.

Berserker's avatar

I know that at least three of them were. :p

rojo's avatar

It is nice when someone who has been gone for an extended length of time makes a re-appearance though!

lillycoyote's avatar

I guess, never a huge sense of emptiness, but I do miss people if they’re not around, though I’m not around here much myself, anymore. I haven’t been on Fluther since the middle of February and returned to find that one of my very favorite people here, who can’t seem to keep his big flapping mouth shut when it really counts, and has been banned at least twice, I think, maybe more, is back and I am very happy about that. :-)

augustlan's avatar

@lillycoyote Can you PM me who you’re talking about? I don’t think there’s anyone we’ve banned twice and let back in.

Brian1946's avatar

I think one of my favorite jellies, uyaQOahPBJ has been banned mucho times! I don’t why though, because he/she/it has always been sooo friendly. What other jelly has started every one of their posts with, “Hey buddy”? ;-)

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