Social Question

Eggie's avatar

Can a guy really get a girl if she doesn't show strong attraction?

Asked by Eggie (5833points) May 28th, 2013

I work at this restaurant on weekends where I wrap sandwiches for customers, and this really hot girl was in line.I was taking a break at the time but when I saw her I got back to my post. So when she reached up to me I told her ” You are the first girl that actually made me get back to my post…you are better than my boss!” She smiled and took her food and left. Her body language however was like she wasn’t that interested in getting to know me better and I have experienced that with girls I generally try to hit on in the street or at parties and at the mall. I just want to know from the Fluther Players here what kind of techniques I could use to make my game better. What you girls have to say about this.

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36 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

I’m thinking compliment her, but don’t let her know you went out of your way. Not that I think you ruined your chances or anything. Talk to her, flirt, see how the rapport goes for a few days or a couple weeks.

Ask her out.

Seek's avatar

99% of girls, and that could be too modest an estimate, are not going to respond positively to being “hit on” in the street or at a deli sandwich counter, at least not on a one-time basis.

Women spend so much of their time staring blankly at the ground or in front of us, blocking out unwanted comments from strangers on the side of the road that it’s amazing more of us aren’t hit by buses. You know what would make you stand out? NOT hitting on that random hot chick in the street.

Random Hot Chick came in for a sandwich, not a pick-up line.

Now, if Random Hot Chick were a regular, who comes in about the same time a few times or more a week, you have the ability to start building a rapport. Or if Random Hot Chick were at a party, perhaps you could offer to bring her another drink, and introduce yourself.

“Hi, I’m Eggie. My turn is coming up for horseshoes, want to be my teammate? I’ve owed John a good crushing since he beat me at the 4th of July barbeque last year.”

For what it’s worth, I met my husband at a party. He was playing guitar with a couple of other guys, and broke out some songs I really like. We started chatting about Fleetwood Mac and 80s hair bands and the heavy metal bands that no one else in that party would consider listening to. And lo and behold we both play Dungeons and Dragons and would he like to join me at the Renaissance Festival coming up?

elbanditoroso's avatar

I am trying to understand what “get a girl” means.

Are you going to lasso her up and drag her to the barn? Are you going to walk into a store and buy her?

You don’t “get” someone, in that sense. You talk, you woo, you sell yourself and your virtues, and if you are lucky, she is interested. Remember that she is an interested party in this as well.

“Getting” her in the way you describe is demeaning and insulting to her – like she is mindless and you are in some way rescuing her.

poisonedantidote's avatar

There is a technique I developed, that seems to work and turn a no in to a yes. While this is by no means a scientific fact, my friends and I have tested this out in the past, and it seems to work well almost all of the time.

Day 1 – Talk to her.

Day 2 – Talk to her, and then warn her that next time you see her you are going to ask her out on a date, but make sure she knows that you are not asking her out on a date today.

Day 3 – Ask her out on a date.

The idea, is your actions on Day 2, will give her time to think about you in a different way. Basically, by revealing you like her, but not asking her out yet, you give her time to convince herself that she likes you.

For example, there could be a girl out there that you have not noticed yet, who likes you. If someone told you she likes you, you would start to think about her in a different way, and eventually, your curiosity and imagination will win out, and you will end up liking her back.

If you just walk up to a girl in a club who has not even noticed you are in the club, and hit on her, she will feel pressured, and uncomfortable, and you will get a knee jerk defense no answer, as she has not been given time to think, and just wants you gone so she can get her comfort back.

Sow seeds, apply water, and harvest. :)

marinelife's avatar

Tell her you are attracted and would like to get to know her better. Then she will tell you if she is already in a relationship or if she is available.

ucme's avatar

“Fluther Players”…get the app here.
99% of the girls i’ve ended up in a relationship with have just happened, no cheesy chat-up lines, no preening/grooming, in fact, most of the time I wasn’t even “on the pull” just chilling with pals on a night out, working, or randomly bumping into girls & striking up a conversation whilst out & about.

cookieman's avatar

@poisonedantidote: Or, between Day 2 and Day 3 she has enough time to file a restraining order.

Eggie's avatar

I cannot tell her that I am interested in getting to know her just like that because most likey it is a one chance that I am seeing her. I really do not mean any insult when I say get a girl. I do not mean that they are cattle and I want to laso them in. I like the idea that poisonedantidote has but again I was not sure that I would be seeing her again. What I am really looking for is a way to get her number or a way that would make her want to see me again. Maybe if I was looking like Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington, maybe. P.S some people say I look like the Rock…..

Mariah's avatar

Based on what I see here I just think your attitude is all wrong.

Your last sentences in your last post imply you might have fallen into a common trap among guys who have trouble with girls, an attitude which is incredibly unattractive and offensive. The sentiment that “Oh I’m only having trouble because girls are shallow and only pay attention to super hot guys.” Ugh.

The other thing I see is that you’re looking at this as a game with a girl as the prize. Also, ick. We want to be cared for not won. There should be no set formula/strategy to it.

Girls are human beings, talk to them in a way you think you would like to be talked to. We can generally sense when we are being viewed as a trophy and it generally creeps us right the fuck out.

Sorry if I’m judging too harshly or prematurely. If none of this is how you really think, you may want to rethink the way you phrase and talk about such things, because it gives this impression.

Seek's avatar

I can’t possibly apologise for making a snap judgment, because the OP is asking for advice on how to make a woman make a favorable snap judgment about him.

Here’s the thing: There are very few instances in which I’m going to allow a total stranger access to my personal life – such as a phone number or an email address. One is witnessing said stranger saving a baby (or even a kitten) from a burning building. Another is sparking an interesting conversation. And the conversation must consist of something other than how my physical appearance appeals to their personal aesthetic.

Frankly, all you have is a first impression. If you’re working behind a counter somewhere, that is not the time to try to attract a woman. You’re there to work. Hitting on customers is not good for business. It makes women uncomfortable and they don’t return to places where they feel uncomfortable.

Good places to talk to people, and hold a conversation that may lead to a date: bookstores. Coffee shops at which you are not employed. Social events.

Bad places: Any time the prospect has somewhere else to be or will make her feel unsafe, such as: On the street, in traffic, while she is spending time with her family or friends, dark alleyways, shadowy dive bars, your basement.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I refused to date anyone ‘blindly’, it’s so uncomfortable and awkward.

A lot of women get into F*&) Buddy relationships because it’s fun to be comfortable around a guy, laugh, then have sex with no commitment.

Be a friend or make a friend, make her laugh, then take the next step slowly and Seek’s right, ladies get hit on all the time, it feels invasive and rude most of the time.

augustlan's avatar

I’ve dated lots of guys, and not one of them was someone who hit on me in the two minutes we were passing each other on the street or standing on opposite sides of a store counter. It just…doesn’t work like that. Pretty much ever.

You have to have actual conversation, discover a common interest, maybe develop a friendship. At the very least, you have to get acquainted! This takes time. “You’re pretty. Wanna’ give me your number?” is just not going to do it.

Do everyone (including yourself) a favor, and stop hitting on random girls just because they’re pretty. It’s bad form.

Incoherency_'s avatar

Sure you can, even if the attraction isn’t initially mutual.

Next time some bitchin’ babe buys food there, write your phone number on the receipt. Underneath that, a nice poem like, “Call Eggie and he make you preggie!” should turn the trick, so to speak. ;-)

Eggie's avatar

@Mariah I think youre really cute and I want to just shack you up and give you all of your wildest dreams….all I ask of you is your phone number… me what love is and I promise ill love you forever

Eggie's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr You say no…but your eyes say yes….I want you to be my trophie

Seek's avatar

* Sets phaser to “stun” *

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr You are SO funny!!!

Eggie's avatar

Augustlan is so beautiful and is so talented I would love to have your number…round 3..hope I get through this time

Eggie's avatar

Now that was just mean…...........augustlan

augustlan's avatar

Sorry, @Eggie. I was just bustin’ your chops. :)

Brian1946's avatar

So getting one’s call blocked is mean but getting blasted by a stun gun isn’t? Perhaps through countless zappings from phasers, tasers, and macers, the OP has developed an immunity to them. ;-o

Seek's avatar

I haven’t actually shot him yet…

Eggie's avatar

@Brian1946 why don’t you try….and as for the rest of you girls…you dont know what you are missing…its your loss!!

Seek's avatar

I’ve made peace with that.

augustlan's avatar

Me, too. Plus, you know, @Seek_Kolinahr and I are married. Not to each other. :p

Seek's avatar

There’s still time, Auggie.

Eggie's avatar

I got money Auggie, lots of money…...

Mariah's avatar

I need to ask now if you are just joking around or if this is how you go after girls in real life. Because if these are your tactics, I have a LOT more advice for you.

Eggie's avatar

@Mariah ouch…..on a real I am a very cool person who if you give me a chance to take you out sometime, would show you a really good time. I am also very respectful of girls and I take that really seriously. And…well just going from what most guys and girls have told me before I am quite goodlooking…

Seek's avatar

Having a good time with someone shouldn’t require planning or a show. You should be pleasant to be around whether or not someone agrees to “have a good time”.

Eggie's avatar

I am generally pleasant to be around are you saying otherwise?....was just joking before you know

Seek's avatar

Well, busting your chops has been mildly entertaining. Haven’t got a clue about you otherwise.

Eggie's avatar

On a real @Mariah sounds totally like my type…..;)

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