General Question

thebeadholder's avatar

Do you keep an open mind when taking parenting advice from others?

Asked by thebeadholder (872points) June 17th, 2008

Or do you just go with what works best for you? My friend doesn’t want to listen to what anyone says so we never give her any advice or step very lightly when we do. I believe “it takes a village”. I listen to what everyone has to say (esp. my elders who have raised children before me), take from it and learn even though I don’t always agree with everything. I am a better parent for it.

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16 Answers

Harp's avatar

I’m open to advice, but in the end I have to trust my own judgment based on what only I can know about my children. That said, I’m very reluctant to give advice to anyone else, especially if they haven’t asked for it. It may take a village to raise a child, but I’m less sure that the village should be trying to raise the parent.

Bri_L's avatar

I try to. I always think there is something I can learn even if it is what NOT to do.

Dog's avatar

Every child is different and nobody knows your child as well as you.

While advice is great to hear you ultimately need to use your own judgement.

shilolo's avatar

I’m with Harp. Lots of people get annoyed at unsolicited advice, as they internalize it as “They think I’m a bad parent, or, I must be doing something wrong.” Alternatively, if you solicit advice from others, and are open to it, you are free to either utilize the advice/techniques or disregard it altogether if it doesn’t fit in your parenting worldview.

babygalll's avatar

I’m with Dog.

Every child is different and you are the only one that knows what works for your child.

It’s ok to ask for advice/techniques from other parents. It won’t hurt to listen what others have to say. It’s always good to hear what works for other kids, since every kid is different. What works for one child of yours may not work for your next child. You can listen to the advice, but it does’t mean that you have to do what they are telling you. In the end it’s your choice what to do.

PupnTaco's avatar

Try to, but always consider the source.

gailcalled's avatar

My therapist once told me that giving unasked-foradvice is “hostile behavior.” I have found that very useful altho I stray occasionally, and usually get into trouble. Personally, if I want advice, I will ask.

SuperMouse's avatar

It depends who is giving the advice. If it is someone who’s parenting I respect (shout out to gimmedat), I’ll listen, if not I just nod and smile.

At times I even ask for advice. When I see a parent who has a teenager or grown kid who seems like a great person, I always ask what they think they did right. To a person they have all given the same answer – they spend time with their kids and are involved in their life and activities.

thebeadholder's avatar

Bri_L, Taco & supernut: I completely agreed with your answers (that’s how I feel).
I respect and appreciate all of your answers in this thread. Thank you!

that1mom's avatar

I do. It is important to take advice from people who have been goo parents to their own children. I think that people older than myself with happy, and well-rooted kids are the best to go to for advice. I have found that the people with total messes for kids are the most adimate aout giving advice though :( Anyway, I always try to take others’ advice into my thought process at least.

skfinkel's avatar

Unless someone asks for help, it becomes unsolicited advice that will most likely be ignored.

If you see child abuse or something extreme, you must step in. Otherwise, you might suggest that if they want to ask you, you have some opinions. But the truth is, no one really wants to hear what they don’t want to learn. And no one will listen.

This is coming from a Parent Coach.

thebeadholder's avatar

Like I said, I don’t give her (my friend) advice. She does her own thing and is a great mom (I learn a lot from her). I just like to learn from everyone…how I can be a better parent or what NOT to do.

treuprosperity's avatar

Only if I have seen them parenting their own children and they are doing a good job. Most people want to give you advice that they don’t adhere to themselves. However, I do like older people’s advice, usually they have seen or heard it all.

Bri_L's avatar

With our neighbors, we had a conversation. “if our kids are miss behaving please let them know your rules. We don’t allow this, that. We don’t scream or spank or hit. We do raise our voice to alert in danger or grab their arm if they are to close to the metal press…” etc. That is nice and it invites the same on their part.

scamp's avatar

I’ve always listened to suggestions, then decided if they were right for my child. I also try not to give parenting advice unless it is requested. Generally, if you give advice when it is not asked for, you are wasting your breath anyway.

jnglejo's avatar

You have to keep an open mind, how do you know if the person giving advice knows what they’re talking about. When I had my son eight years ago, my Mum had recently died, I had no friends and no one to turn to for advice so I just had to go by gut instinct. Luckily everything worked out and my little boy is very loving and happy.

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