Social Question

chyna's avatar

How would you handle this "other" woman relationship problem?

Asked by chyna (46320points) June 17th, 2013

A friend of mine has been seeing a married man for quite a while now. She knows how I feel about it, but that’s not the issue.
She just found out he is in the hospital with a life threatening illness and can’t see or talk to him.
How does the “other woman” or “other man” deal with this type of crisis?

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17 Answers

augustlan's avatar

I feel like I saw a movie or read a book featuring this exact situation, but I can’t remember what the outcome was.

I don’t think there’s really anything the other woman can do besides hope for the best. It’s sad, but I guess it’s part of the price one pays when opting to be in such a relationship. She probably feels very helpless, and could use a good friend to lean on.

Bellatrix's avatar

There really isn’t anything she can do. As to how she deals with it, apart from support from people who care about her, there isn’t very much she or anyone can do. It’s the collateral damage of being involved with a married man. She has no rights and she can’t make things worse for his family by getting involved in any way.

Aethelwine's avatar

@augustlan The Descendants?

I was thinking the same as Auggie. She could hurt the family of the man she loves if she takes a chance to visit, then gets caught. He needs his family right now to be by his side. She made the choice to love a taken man and live a life full of secrets and lies. It doesn’t always go the way you hoped it would.

Evian's avatar

She is seeing a married man. She knew what she was getting into, especially if its been “quite some time. ”. She has no rights to visit, or contact him in any way shape or form. He is married. His family will take care of him. She has no business being there at all. She is a destructive force in his life.

trailsillustrated's avatar

She can’t do anything, except to worry that if it goes really south maybe her rent won’t keep being paid. The only reason to be seeing a married man lol.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Maybe she should use the time to rethink why and how she got into this relationship with a guy that’s legally committed to someone else and revaluate her future with the guy figuring he pulls through?

Judi's avatar

My sister in law had 2 kids with a married man. They couldn’t even go to their fathers funeral. So sad. It wasn’t their fault.

elbanditoroso's avatar

She could go to the hospital and introduce herself to the wife. That way the wife will have two major worries, which might kill her (the wife). If that happens, then your friend and the married man (now the widower) can ride off in the sunset together.

Or the wife (who would know know about your friend), might lash out and the friend and slug her, in which case your friend could be in the same hospital as her paramour. Sam outcome, good for your friend, bad for the wife as she is carted off to jail.

This is a no lose situation.

KNOWITALL's avatar

She can have flowers delivered with her name and something politely banal. That’s all she has the right to do in this situation, if anything. When you date a married man, you are not the priority.

jca's avatar

I don’t know why she can’t just go to the hospital and say she’s his friend, if asked, though. She’s not wearing a sign on her forehead that says “I’m f***ing your husband” is she?

Adagio's avatar

@jca Isn’t she?

chyna's avatar

@jca She can’t do that because she doesn’t want to stress him out.

jca's avatar

If she went at a time when hopefully the wife was not there, and if she lied to the wife and said “I work with your husband” and the husband would go along with it. She might not stay visit long but just to see him – I’m thinking if the husband is the cheating kind then he’s already lied to his wife anyway.

cheebdragon's avatar

She needs to just stay the fuck away from him. Your friend might care about him but if he honestly cared about her at all he, he wouldn’t still be with his wife.

Judi's avatar

And if she cared about him she wouldn’t put him through the stress of his wife catching her at the hospital. Then again, it’s against the nature of a cheater to consider how their actions might effect anyone else.

elbanditoroso's avatar

@Judi – let’s be clear, there are two cheaters here. Not just one. Hubbie is just as culpable and detestable as the friend is. Just because he is lying in a hospital bed does not make him less odious.

Judi's avatar

Exactly. How can someone trust a person when their relationship started in the selfish act of cheating.

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