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Mama_Cakes's avatar

If you were a sh*t disturber as a teen, are you worried that your kid is going to go the same route?

Asked by Mama_Cakes (10930points) July 17th, 2013

If they’re in their teens are they giving you grief? Or, have they been there/done that, and gave you hell during that time?

A friend of mine was pretty bad throughout high school and her early 20’s. She had quite a relationship with the local police department. Now her 13 year is starting with boys, partying, drugs and whatnot. I feel bad. It’s all coming back to her!

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11 Answers

Katniss's avatar

I was a total asshole as a teenager. I never got in trouble outside of the house, but I was a mean, bitchy, pain in the ass. Fortunately my son is a great kid. Unfortunately for my sister, my niece is just like me. lol

Judi's avatar

I raised my kids to question authority. It made for a miserable adolescence but I kind of like the adults they became.

Mama_Cakes's avatar

*A few typos there. Too late to edit, though.

JLeslie's avatar

My friends who were the most out of control as teens, who did the most reckless things and tended to spite their parents most, are also the parents who worry the most about how out of control their teens might be. They also tend to be fairly strict parents and were often raised in very strict households themseves. Yet, they don’t see a pattern. LOL. Not that teens can’t do destructive things no matter how great, strict, liberal, terrible their parents are.

ragingloli's avatar

Of course not. I installed a remote detonator at the base of her skull. She will never defy me. And live.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I’m always worried about some of the things my daughters might get involved in, but I’m really hopeful that they won’t do stupid shit just to “prove me wrong,” like I did to my mother.

I will say that I have a totally different parenting style from my mom, and maybe that will help. It’s too early to tell, but my oldest is already 12 going on 16, so we’ve already had very long, heartfelt talks about certain things I really don’t want her to do, for her own safety.

Thankfully, she talks about those things like they’re incredibly stupid anyway, and seems to have a really good head on her shoulders. My main concern would be that she falls in with the wrong crowd and succumbs to peer pressure.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I was completely insane as a teenager. I raised myself, and boy, I sucked at responsible behavior. Somehow I survived and I think I turned out okay. If I had kids and they did a fraction of what I did I’d send them to a JD facility.

keobooks's avatar

My parents were insane workaholics and were never home when I was a kid. They weren’t too into giving me attention and I think I did a lot of things because I was craving attention on some level.

Now my daughter is lucky in one sense. I am too lazy to work 80 hour weeks so when I go back to work, I will never be gone as much as my parents were. My husband is also good about keeping the work week reasonable. I also think we are a LOT more affectionate than my parents ever were/are. We are also a lot more patient.

I am hoping this staves off most of the behavior I had as a kid. I don’t think it will quash all rebellion, but I think at the very least it will stop my daughter from staying out insanely late like I did because I’ll be home and NOTICE she’s gone. After my parents divorced, my mom would be gone for days at a time and would just trust me not to have parties or get into trouble. I never had parties (because I was too lazy to clean up after them) but I got into tons of trouble simply because I was unsupervised for way too long.

geeky_mama's avatar

I find @Judi‘s answer comforting. I’m not so worried about a rocky adolescence as I am in making healthy, productive, well-balanced adults.

We have two teens so far. I keep telling myself that while their stubborn streaks may drive me crazy at times we want that sort of tenacity and drive in them so they follow their passion as adults.

I was stubborn, but very harshly disciplined, excessively sheltered (locked away from the real world), and not allowed to speak freely or have an opinion of my own until I moved away from home at 17. So, my defiance was all beaten out of me—or pent up and used to propel me as soon as I could go off on my own.

Our kids are being raised in a lot more open & affectionate environment..and I hope they’ll end up more emotionally healthy and with wonderful self-esteem…but that they’ll remain tenacious and self-motivated at the same time.

Judi's avatar

@geeky_mama, my daughters have said that the modification they are making is to reach their kids to question but RESPECT authority. I’m anxious to see how that works out. The oldest grandchild is only 7.

JLeslie's avatar

I always think of it is the big worry is that they stay alive and healthy. Some conflict between teens and parents I think is extremely healthy. The teen is practicing standing up for themselves with safe people; their parents. Any child who is extremely obedient really worries me, especially girls. Are they going to be good obedient wives and employees also? Anyway, the conflict is usually about the teen wanting some independence. I think when teens specifically do things to spite their parents that is worrisome. I never did that. I did do some things I know my parents would not apprive of, but not to spite them, not to “show” them, not to try and get away with the very thing they would be angry about. When I did something they wouldn’t like, I felt a little badly about it, but I wanted to do it. For me, it was regardless of them. It gave me zero joy to go against them, but it was pursuing something I wanted.

Also’ kids act up with their parents, but often they are well behaved when away from them, and that I think is really significant. As a parent you want to know they know the right way to behave, to be gracious, to be polite, responsible, curtious, etc. That they will be “good” adults when punishment from parents no longer exists. An internal compass for what is right.

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