What are the drawbacks of living off a very rich married man?

I would imagine it is very lonely. I also wouldn’t want to labelled as a money grabber.

I feel if she were miserable, she would make a change. Since she hasn’t made a change, it must be ok with her to live this way. Maybe she enjoys being alone, and when she’s with him, she enjoys his company and enjoys the outings and trips and trappings of wealth.

She sounds like a very shallow person who doesn’t know a thing about autonomy or independence. She’s probably never accomplished anything on her own intelligence or ingenuity. I feel sorry for her because some time her ‘looks and figure’ will be gone and then she will really understand loneliness and despair; especially if she didn’t bankroll any of that sugar daddy money.

I feel sorry for her. I find that people who are very physically attractive and get so much attention for it often never develop a true depth of character and their self-worth is tied to their looks. I imagine that she needs money to spend on upkeep to remain attractive as she ages, and she has learned to use her looks to get herself what she wants.

But this is only speculation from an average-looking, frumpy, middle-aged, middle class, working person. For all I know, she is contented and feels fulfilled.

My opinion is also coming from an average middle aged, middle income female American. I’ve worked all of my life, began my academic journey at age 48 and at 54 am in a Master’s of Public Administration degree course. I’ve been told that I’m very attractive and in my youth was in beauty contests. But if asked, I’d rather have my brains over beauty ANY DAY. To posses a real sense of worth and identity overrides any form of beauty! Every fairly attractive woman could have the same types of proposals from older wealthy men, but to choose to stand on your own two feet and accomplish higher ideals is way more satisfying, in my perspective!

I’m not sure if any of our advice is relevant. This woman has been voluntarily in the situation for 25 years. She has clearly reach a comfort level – or else she would have changed something about it previously.

Her choices are not the ones that I would make. However, she is over 18 and reasonably intelligent, so it’s not our place to say much at all.

So why post it on this forum if not seeking other opinions?

@Aster “How would you advise her if you knew her?”

I wouldn’t give her any advice, unless she’d specifically asked for it, and even then I’d hesitate to say very much. People don’t like being told that they’re wrong and how to behave better. A 60-year-old woman should have grown a moral compass decades ago. She won’t change her ways now.

She’s taking care of herself in her own way. Almost every life has its sadness and loneliness. Every life requires making compromises. You never know until you walk in someone else’s shoes, they say. I’m not judgmental. If she’s okay with her situation, so am I.

How do you know she has three closets? Hmmm…..

I wonder if she has children. She might be lonely but I really can’t see anything wrong with her lifestyle- she’s probably just fine.

@FutureMemory How do I know she has 3 closets? Hmmmmm… she told my best friend that two days ago. Hmmm…..

I would try to appeal to her on a moral basis. I would pray with her and have her ask God for forgiveness and hope that she could change her lifestyle. If she continued her lifestyle, I would simply avoid her.

If Bob has been dating Carol for 25 years, and is still married to Alice, it’s probably an open relationship. It sounds like they’re very obvious about the dating- rides in limos, trips together- and if everyone involved wasn’t ok with it, the whole thing would probably have split up a long time ago. Alice might even have boyfriends of her own.

As far as Carol, some people want to be married, and some don’t. I can easily imagine how it would be appealing to have a part-time boyfriend and then be independent the rest of the time- especially if it’s something long-term and stable. That sounds like a very low-maintenance sort of relationship.

It sounds like he’s just giving her gifts, not supporting her financially. I guess the drawback is that if he dies or the relationship ends, she won’t have all that free stuff anymore. (And, of course, she’ll lose someone that she was with for 25 years.) But that’s a risk you take in any relationship, that it will end.

As long as she’s happy, I don’t see any problem with it.

@sujenk7422 – I have to ask if you were being serious or facetious.

Appealing to this woman on a moral basis seems ridiculous and will be completely ineffective. We have to assume that the woman is cognizant of what she is doing and what she has done for the last 25 years. Moral or not, she mad her choice a generation ago.

What makes you think that she would even consent to sit with the questioner and engage in prayer in the first place? Why would she ask forgiveness when clearly she is comfortable with her situation?

Essentially your are insulting her and totally degrading the life that she chose for herself.

It seems like you are trying to force YOUR view of morality on this woman, ignoring the choices and decisions that she has made for herself. If were her, i would be horribly offended that you had the gall to tell her how she ought to live.

@Haleth no; he gives her a bundle! Her son won’t have anything to do with her but why I don’t know. I get bits and pieces from my girlfriend as they’re resuming their friendship.

In actuality, I would try to befriend the wife that is the victim of adultery between her husband and this cool, know what you want 60s diva. I would never push MY views on anyone, but as the original post clarifies, “that she feels guilty and lonely around Christmas”, “that her friends have dropped her and steal from her”, and that she “has a bad reputation.” Obviously, this type of lifestyle is wearing her down and she’s experiencing the consequences now from early poor decision-making. I have found that most people with heavy hearts of remorse, loneliness, and guilt would LOVE to have someone listen to them and their issues, psychiatrists earn large amounts of money doing just that! I’m not insulting her but just questioning her decision-making capabilities. I find it ironic that you assume that she is comfortable with her situation, not really knowing the person, and come to defend her actions. I’m not a big fan of relativism – I believe in very clear standards of behavior, at whatever spiritual inclination. I believe in virtue and that humans should strive to be virtuous. By the way, one doesn’t just wake one morning and is virtuous, it takes a lot of practice doing the right things for the right reasons.

@sujenk7422: The OP is making an assumption when she states “I think she must feel lonely and guilty around Christmas.” She is guessing how this woman feels. You, therefore, are also making an assumption when you state her lifestyle is wearing her down and the is experiencing the consequences from poor decision making.

We really can’t assume the woman feels lonely and guilty – if the woman were totally miserable,she would strive to change her life. As far as assuming that everyone strives to be virtuous, that’s another assumption that I can assure you not everyone strives for.

@jca – thanks, you said what I was trying to say.

I would just wish her happiness and if she’s not harming anyone, leave her be.

People have stories and perhaps her soul mate died and she is incapable of anything more, that’s why we can’t judge each other, no one has lived our lives. :)

She didn’t have a soul mate. She had a husband, a doctor, who has a reputation of punching out his wives and has been married four times. Whether she knew this man who is elderly while she was married I don’t know . I do know she loves expensive things like jewelry and clothes. How she feels emotionally I won’t know until she goes out to lunch with my friend to whom she was very sweet upon learning of my friend’s very sad experiences of late.

To me, what another person does with her life is nothing I would spend a major amount of time thinking about. I have enough of my own life, work, family and stuff going on without expending energy wondering about some lady’s life who in no way affects me in any way.