General Question

playthebanjo's avatar

Do you and your S.O. share an email account?

Asked by playthebanjo (2949points) June 22nd, 2008 from iPhone

I know people that do. What do you think about this?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

63 Answers

iwamoto's avatar

i’d never do it, my email is private…that’s it

mzgator's avatar

Nope! I have mine, and he has his. I don’t check his, and he doesn’t check mine.

nikipedia's avatar

Similar thread here.

And like I said in that thread, I think it’s totally creepy and an invasion of boundaries.

cookieman's avatar

No. My wife and I have our own separate ones. But she can certainly see mine whenever she wants, and vice versa.

playthebanjo's avatar

@niki – It is a similar thread, but the question’s premise is different. I am talking about an email account that you both share rather than 2 separate accounts that you each have access to through known passwords.

thebeadholder's avatar

Nope…why in the world would you?

BirdlegLeft's avatar

We did up until about a year ago. And, had that same one for probably ten years. I kept that one, and she got her own. There’s nothing in my e-mail that she can’t see.

wildflower's avatar

Considering how easy it is to have personal accounts – and managing multiple accounts on same computer, I really don’t see why people would share one account. I wouldn’t like my friends doing that. I might not want their SO to see what I send to them.
My husband and I share a domain, but not email address.

witchhazel's avatar

I know people that do share e-mail accounts but my SO and I do not. We are able to access each others account if we wanted to, but don’t. Same as @cprevite. Hopefully, that says something good about our relationships.

mzgator's avatar

I would not have a problem , nor would he, for us to check each other’s email. We are not trying to hide anything.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

I need by own space and privacy.

marinelife's avatar

We have separate accounts, but like cprevite and witchhazel, we both know each other’s passwords. We could look at each other’s email, but we don’t and wouldn’t without asking although I can’t imagine why I would ask. If there is anything we want the other to see, which happens fairly often, we forward it to each other.

Trance24's avatar

My grandparents share an e-mail. It seems better this way actually as far as my grandparents go. I mean they share everything else. And no e-mails come in directly for one or the other.

As for me me and my b/f do not share one, but we both know how to access each others. If for any reason we ended up living in the same house together and things of that nature I dont believe we would share one. It would be way to cluttered, and unorganized. Its better to keep our things separate.

sccrowell's avatar

No, I have mine own as does WTF, but WTF has all my passwords or knows where to get them should I need him too.
I have nothing to hide from him. Nor he from me…

bridold's avatar

My husbend and I don’t share an email account, but it’s not because we keep anything from eachother, it’s just because we both have a bunch of emails and we don’t want to get confused at whose is whose.

We do know eachother’s passwords though, not that we ever use them…

blueberryme's avatar

Such an odd question! I only thought that people born out of the digital age did that (my parents, grandparents and such). Fascinating to think that younger couples would share a personal email account! It seems odd to me. I do know one couple who got a gmail account to deal with wedding stuff specifically, but that is different due to the jointness of the endeavor. Oh, the Fluther! Always making me think…

charliecompany34's avatar

aint no way in the world. she’d never understand.

dragonflyfaith's avatar

We have our own accounts but know each other’s passwords. I don’t care if he checked my email but he doesn’t, nor do I check his.

St.George's avatar

We share an email address but most of his email gets sent to his work address. I don’t think he reads mail that is obviously for me, though it would be okay, and I don’t read his.

I’m not sure what’s weird or not weird about it. It just is.

wildflower's avatar

To me, the biggest downside of a shared email is how it’ll impact your relationship with your friends. I know when my friend shared email address with her SO, I didn’t pour my heart out over email – I wouldn’t want him to see that!
As a result, we shared less. Now she has her own, so I can be a bit more free with what I write to her.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Heck no.

Not that I have anything to hide, but sometimes you need to vent to a friend or whatever and reading that sort of thing in someone else’s email can be hurtful, especially since you don’t know their mindset and it being text in email can make things sound harsher.

noraasnave's avatar

Nope, sharing an email account doesn’t work for us. It is too easy to jump to conclusions when I get some crazy spam in an old email account. I would think that if there were trust issues that a couple might share an email account and delete their own individual ones or if they don’t use email very much to make it easy to tell both of them something. It is too easy to create a private one anyway. My wife asked for my passwords because of baggage from previous relationships and I granted her access. It was a problem from day one. She read emails from my Mom that were slightly disapproving of her (as mother-n-laws tend to be), she saw spam from what looked like a friend of mine saying “single in my local” area. She did more damage to our relationship by chasing wild geese generated from my email account than deploying to Iraq did. Instead of people identifying feelings and sharing them, it seems the current trend is to be surprised that one feels emotionally low and then look for things that justify the feelings, instead of realizing that many times feelings follow the ‘verbs we insert into the narratives of our lives’. For Example: If you do things that are healthy and that you enjoy you will feel good! In relationship I realized that our private email had to be private emails, and everyone is happier. (I told my Mom to stop being negative about my wife also btw and to email my wife if she has a problem with my wife) ;)

MrMeltedCrayon's avatar

This is a slippery slope that I’ve slid down before.

A now ex-girlfriend of mine told me her e-mail password (without me expressing any desire what so ever to know it) and then got pretty offended when I didn’t share mine. I think privacy is an important part of a successful relationship and told her so. This brought up the question “Well, what do you have to hide?” I didn’t really have anything to hide, but the idea that she felt the need to spy and peek in on my correspondences to validate the trust she supposedly had in me felt wrong.

I, personally, would never ask my significant other for their e-mail password, and in a situation like the above, if I knew it, I wouldn’t use it. Nor would I give them mine.

redsgirl4eva's avatar

No my s.o. does not even go onto the computer but I do not care what he sees on my account. He never knows what I am doing so he sometimes is behind me when I am on one all I have to tell him is I am checking my e-mail and he will move. He ALWAYS touches me when he come up behind or close to where he can see what is going on with the computer.

allengreen's avatar

as with most women: what is her’s is her’s, and what is mine is our’s….

wildflower's avatar

Allen, you really must have about the healthiest relationship in the world!! Certainly no pint up anger, hostility or resentment there, is there?

allengreen's avatar

i was talking about the question posed by play….

Wild are you projecting again?

wildflower's avatar

Not at all my friend. I’m just slightly saddened by your view of women – that’s all.

allengreen's avatar

@wild—the culture of what is mine is mine and what is your’s is ours——are you saying that this view is not pervasive?
How does it reflect hostility? Does it not reflect reality?

wildflower's avatar

I interpret (and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong – I hope I did misunderstand you!) that line as you saying your SO is more likely to consider what’s yours hers than you are to consider anything of hers yours…...which to me seems wrong, for a number of reasons – certainly doesn’t seem fair on you if this is something she’s enforcing or it may be that you don’t consider her to have anything of value that you could potentially share in….there are many possibilities, but none of them particularly good or healthy for a loving relationship IMO, but each to their own.

allengreen's avatar

OK, I’m getting my own email account! No more password sharing for this dude!

wildflower's avatar

haha, nice comeback! :)

klaas4's avatar

What’s a SO?

iwamoto's avatar

Oh my dutch friend, that’s a Significant Other, you know, a partner…but not like harry klein is derrick’s partner, more like in…love partners

klaas4's avatar

Oh OK. Thanks :)

acebamboo77's avatar

no i do not share an email account with my bf nor do i go into any of his online accounts. how can u build trust when there is no opportunity to? you don’t need to share everything physically. everyone needs their own space and you have to trust that your other is honest and faithful.

Mamradpivo's avatar

Oh hell no! Neither of us would ever bring it up.

I don’t have anything in my email that I’m ashamed of, and I’m sure my wife doesn’t either, but really? Sharing an email account? It seems to me like it would cause way more inconvenience and misunderstandings than it’s worth.

mamabeverley's avatar

Yes, we share email, but I am the only one that checks it. He has one at his job that is always getting him things to do! So, he could care less about the one at the house!

ram201pa's avatar

No, however, I set his email account up for him. On occasion, he would ask me to check his email. That is how I found out he was cheating on me. What a dope he was—key word being ‘was’. I dumped him right away. Pity…we were together 14 years.

jackfright's avatar

i think it’s a level of stupid only one step below sharing all your bank accounts.
always, always have one of your own that your SO doesn’t know about.

roboticmouse's avatar

We are pretty open about everything, but still maintain separate email accounts. I personally never sign out of my email account while at home and don’t care if my husband can access it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

we don’t need to have the same account but we know each other’s passwords

patg7590's avatar

um, no- I have 5 email accounts.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

This is an interesting question….and one that came up recently.

I have an old friend from high school. We lost touch and then reconnected about ten years or so ago. She shared her email with her husband and honestly, I never, ever felt comfortable writing emails to her because I knew that he was reading them.

So, guess what? Gradually, I stopped writing and I lost touch with her. It’s a shame, but I had issues with that. I felt like my privacy was being invaded. And it felt creepy.

Hope that makes sense.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

No of course not. We are very open with eachother but sharing an email would get complicated. We’d constantly be searching every single email to see who it belongs too. It’s easier to have separate accounts.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

No, we don’t. I don’t want people feeling uncomfortable e-mailing me and I don’t want people feeling uncomfortable e-mailing him. To merge our accounts would be to “push our friends away”. What if someone wants to tell me something, but doesn’t want him to know? What if someone wants to tell him something, but doesn’t want me to know? Not everything people tell him is my business and not everything people tell me is his. What happens if one day he wants to plan me a surprise party? What happens if one day I want to plan him a surprise party? I think that e-mail is one of those things that should just remain separate.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Not an email account, those are personal and allow some privacy and also secret shopping stuff. I do share my Netflix acct. with him but I share it with my mother too.

john65pennington's avatar

Thats too close for comfort. no.

MissA's avatar

Privacy is a treasured thing.

HamstarOfFate's avatar

No. We’re in highschool and share a locker. That’s annoying enough.

YARNLADY's avatar

All my personal e-mail comes through a server moderated by my husband. If he cared to, he could read mine, but he is too busy with his. Some folders are shared folders. I also have several accounts that are separate. We also have a feature called logmein which allows him to access my computer.

mellisat's avatar

I can’t share my email id.. It’s private.

Loried2008's avatar

I don’t see the point in sharing an email, it’s kinda funny though… Earlier I walked by while he was on his email and looked at the screen and he flipped the crap out. Funny considering he never acts like that unless he’s hiding something. It kinda made me worried.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Separate accounts, although we have each others’ passwords in case of an emergency. We agree that any information that is worth sharing will be done so verbally. He’d rather go to to the dentist than read some of the messages from my girlfriends.

chelle21689's avatar

I know a couple that shares an fbook account, confusing!

Nullo's avatar

I have too much junk in my inbox as it is. Legit mail AND spam for two people would pile up into a big ol’ mess in no time.

AshlynM's avatar

2 people sharing one email account is silly. I don’t see the benefit of doing so and it’s just cause for future arguments.

suzanna28's avatar

NO.. are you crazy.. everyone has a right to privacy..

You don’t need to share every single detail of your life with your S . O. It is actually unhealthy.

dabbler's avatar

Did that once a long time ago and it was a total nuisance. Had to sort out who was writing to whom. Why’d you delete that? Why didn’t you delete that? Never mind lack of privacy.

YARNLADY's avatar

Yes. Mine comes in to the folders that are set aside for me, and his come in to his folders.

plethora's avatar

No way. I would never ever share an email account with anyone, and especially my S/O. I have at least a dozen email accounts.

dabbler's avatar

I have in-laws who share an email account. I find it awkward if I’m following up on a conversation I had with one of them, they both read it whether or not they both care about it. I feel like I’m wasting the other’s time.

I don’t share any accounts with my wife, and I think that has been a good thing for 25+ years we have been married. I have paid the bills I was responsible for and she did likewise, from our own accounts, and neither of us ever asked anything like “what was that 14.94$ spent for???” or any other waste of time on trivial matters like trying to keep an account reconciled with two people spending out of it. Several of our accounts are “joint” accounts, but that is only for immediate survivorship, we never get into each others’ accounts uninvited.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther