What approach do I take on telling my son he has a absent father?

Asked by ItalianPrincess1217 (11979) September 15th, 2013 from iPhone

For those who don’t know my story, I have a 2 year old who’s father abandon him when he was only a few months old. He simply didn’t come home one day. It’s been almost 2 years since he left. I found out recently that drugs and cheating were among the reasons for him leaving us. He has made it known since him leaving that he is still involved with drugs (both selling and using). He’s also made it known that he wants only wants to be part of his kid’s life if I will take him back. Well, of course I’m not interested in that. Once he realized I have no intention on being with him, he disappeared again and refused all contact with me again.

I have made a nice life for my baby. He’s never known the struggles of being abandon because he was too young to realize what happened. Around the exact time that he started forming words and remembering who people were (a little over a year ago), I started dating my current boyfriend. We have made a loving little family out of our situation and my son refers to him as Daddy. He is all he’s ever known for a father figure and my boyfriend loves him like his own blood. You would never know he wasn’t his “real” child.

There are only a few problems with this situation. First of all, eventually my son is going to realize his last name is neither his mom’s or his “dad’s”. He took his blood father’s last name. He will surely ask questions. And second of all, what if I somehow manage to change his last name before he’s old enough to realize it but his blood father comes back in say 10 years and tries to be part of his life again. My mother has suggested I hide the fact that my boyfriend is not his real dad but I can’t help but feel guilty for lying. In the end if my son finds out from anyone other than me, he’ll hold that against me forever and lose trust. What is my best option here? If telling my son about his father is the only option, what age do I break the news? And what in the world do I say?

An additional comment: I have not been able to establish custody yet because every time there’s a court date his father is a no show and the judge continues to give him chances to come. So it’s just a postponing game now. So legally nobody has full custody.