(NSFW) If someone you love asked you to give them rules, could you create rules to make them feel good about who they are?

Asked by poisonedantidote (21675) September 29th, 2013

Hello again everyone, today I have a spicy question for you all.

This question is related to my previous question Do you think it would be possible to train another person to think higher of themselves? that I asked recently.

Unfortunately, the vague and metaphoric way I asked the question last time, did not really get me the kind of answer I was looking for, so I am back with a new more up front version of the question.

The situation is this…

Imagine for a moment, that your partner who you love and care about a lot, has had a life long fantasy to be controlled, given orders, and generally be submissive, but have never expressed it.

Then imagine, that this person gets their hands on a copy of 50 shades, finds out that the thing they like has an entire category called BDSM, and they start to feel normal because of it, they look at porn about it, and then one day they tell you about it.

Your partner then asks you to take control of them, and impose rules on them, and allow them to try to please you, and asks you to punish them when they fail at pleasing you, and because you too have also been interested in the subject for quite some time, you decide it would be fun and agree.

Finally, imagine that because you care so much about this person, you decide that you are going to try and use this power over them, to try and make them feel better about themselves, to have higher self esteem, and to make them feel sexy and desired.

Your partner has always had delusions that they don’t look good, when they are actually worthy of magazine covers, Your partner acts shy and lacks confidence in certain situations, such as job interviews or talking to new people, and you know from past conversations they don’t like that about themselves.

That is the situation in currently find myself in.

What I want to know is: Are there any rules, training techniques, or exercises that have been shown to make people accept that they look good, or make them feel confident?

I know this is all kind of a weird thing to share, but I am a bit stuck. I have tried some specialist sites, but the people on there seem to be mostly interested in how to abuse others.

I was thinking… maybe it would be possible, to train someone to feel sexy, by doing things such as having them dress up, walk about in sexy poses until it does not embarrass them anymore, and have them repeat to themselves in the mirror things about how hot they are.

So, the question/s is/are…

If someone you love asked you to give them rules, could you create rules to make them feel good about who they are?

What kind of rules?

Would something like this work?

Can someone be made to feel more confident at a job interview by being challenged and pushed in bed, so that they had been in though situations and know how to keep cool?

Can punishments for saying you feel or look ugly, correct those kinds of thoughts? if for example you are spanked and made to say your are beautiful and sexy?

Any relevant information at all? unrelated studies on self esteem and negative reinforcement and what not?

Thanks.