Social Question

JLeslie's avatar

Does your spouse have a hobby or interest that makes life more complicated?

Asked by JLeslie (65558points) October 7th, 2013

Maybe the complication is just watching them running around doing everything it takes to participate in the hobby. Or, he asks you to help him with it and you don’t want to. Or, it costs money you don’t want to spend.

I’m interested in how it makes life more complicated and how much it bothers you.

My husband loves cars and car racing, as many of you know. For the most part I don’t mind, and we have made great friends participating in the sport. But, it also comes with worrying about storing the cars, it’s expensive, and getting the stuff done that needs to get done can be a bunch more chores. I tend to be more simple life oriented, while my husband has more stamina to do whatever needs to get done to have what he wants, and he wants more. It has made him more successful than me in many ways, I’ll give him that.

Some of my friends and family make comments on how annoying his hobbies must be. I don’t feel overwhelmingly annoyed. But, it does add some stress to the mix no doubt about it.

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28 Answers

Seek's avatar

My husband is in a band. He also promotes and supports the local metal scene as a whole.

They’re actually good, I enjoy the music, the crowd is great.

However, he automatically has just about every weekend night claimed. Which makes planning my own activities somewhat difficult.

It’s not terrible, though. I’m pretty much an introvert, and I don’t have many local meatspace friends or go out much.

Coloma's avatar

My ex was into woodworking and fly fishing/fly tying but I was the ranch girl.
We had acreage and I wanted lots of farm pets and gardens.
For about 6 years my daughter and I raised exotic poultry and showed our birds, everything from Japanese Shamos to Chinese geese.
We built elaborate poultry yards, houses, and went to many poultry shows.

Showing involved elaborate pre-show preparations, bathing our birds, oiling combs and wattles, trimming toe nails, banding them, buffing them with silk cloths and lots of travel.
Often we would be up at the crack of dawn loading birds and traveling 50 miles or more for local shows.
My ex never really got into this at all, he did, however build our compound and various other farm buildings and housing.
It was great fun and we won many awards for our birds.

whitenoise's avatar

I love my wife… That surely comes with complications. :-)

Judi's avatar

My husband always has something going on. When I met him it was golf, we went through the scuba stage, the flying stage and many in between. Right now he’s a volunteer fireman and that is consuming a lot of his time. He’s taking emergency responder classes and has lots of meetings.
Yes, it sometimes gets in the way but I wouldn’t have t any other way. I have a tendency to be a bit of a couch potato but he gets me moving and keeps me on my toes.

janbb's avatar

He did; he did. His sailing was one of the things that drove us apart.

Headhurts's avatar

He does a lot of weight training, but it doesn’t bother me, even though it has cost quite a bit of money. He goes through fazes, one was a Whisky tasting one. He spent a lot, though I don’t know how much, on about 200 miniature bottles of the stuff. Out of them all, he likes about 4. I have got a taste for it also. It costs more than I would like each month, but neither of us socialise so it does no harm. We would probably spend more than this if we did socialise.

rojo's avatar

My wife and I spend a lot of time together on shared interests. About the only hobby she has that does not interest me is shopping and I benefit from it too. Not to mention that while she is out shopping, I get to sit in the library and enjoy one of my favorite pastimes, reading.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Fishing. Every Sunday morning until around noon and the occasional Friday and Saturday evening from around 4 till 11. If I had a hobby of my own, it probably wouldn’t annoy me so much, but all I do is sit around and watch TV while he has fun with my step-father.

ucme's avatar

Horse riding, I tend to fall off a lot which leads to two small issues.
1: It hurts my arse.
2: She laughs at me, uncontrollably.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Nope, I love him & help his dreams come true. It makes my jaded heart happy to make him happy I guess.

cookieman's avatar

Yes. My wife is a great cook and loves to spend an entire Sunday cooking — and I am fat enough dammit. ;^)

oneSasyRN's avatar husband works a fraction of the hours I do, so he enjoys his time out in the garage woodworking making crafts that 10 years ago would have sold like hotcakes (no….I did not say pancakes, lol) because he is quite crafty…but people just aren’t buying anymore….we have a garage full. So, I work and also attend college while he creates…it is enjoyable for him and I do benefit if it is something I have seen elsewhere and he reproduces it or something we dream up together…I just wish it would sell to help with the bank account!

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

Ironically, this was a discussion me and my partner had just last week. He has been part of a baseball team for years and although I support his hobby, sometimes it’s hard. His hobby brings some annoyances with it.

One of the main issues is the physical pain it brings him. He has ankle and foot problems that flare up during and after his games. I always wonder how the pain could possibly be worth it. But for whatever reason, he sticks it out.

The other annoyance is the timing and frequency of the games. They’re usually twice a week. The weekday games aren’t usually a problem but when they fall on a Sunday morning and last until past dinner time, it becomes more of an issue. I try to bring my son to his games but he’s too young to sit through them yet. So we end up sitting at home waiting for him to get back. The games are normally very far away so the travel time is an issue also.

An inconvenience? Yes. An annoyance? Sure. But would I ever make him quit? Not a chance. I have mentioned the health and timing problems and he acknowledges that most likely in the next year or so he will retire from the team. His 29 year old feet feel to him more like an arthritis ridden 85 year old’s feet. I think in time it will bother him enough to walk away from the game. But until then, I will deal with the minor annoyances and be supportive. He would do the same for me.

JLeslie's avatar

I had assumed men would have more hobbies, and so far that seems so. I find that an interesting thing about women actually. We don’t know our interests, or don’t pursue them, or something? That could be a separate Q I guess.

I like the answers so far, I hope we get more.

trailsillustrated's avatar

My ex did flyfishing. This meant driving around yellow stone park all day and dropping him off and picking him back up the river. Also shooting and collecting guns. Our only vacations were shooting vacations of flyfishing vacations. I am a beach type. If I wanted to go to a beach I had to go with my sister. I am not married to him anymore and live on a giant beach.

Seek's avatar

My annoying hobby takes place at home. Art and crafts. There are finished paintings everywhere, paint all over the kitchen floor… it was raining today so I got varnish dust from a silverware box in converting into a jewellery box all over the living room.

I’m not sorry. Haha.

YARNLADY's avatar

My husband is addicted to computers. The only bad thing about it is he loves his work so much he often spends hours at the office. He used to set his alarm so he could remember to come home, but now he is working on a special project and works for 10–12 hours a day, including Saturdays.

rojo's avatar

@ItalianPrincess1217 If it helps, eventually life will take care of your problem. I used to play soccer which meant practices during the week and evening games that sometimes went on until almost midnight. I eventually reached the point where the recovery time between games took longer than number of days between games and it just was not worth it any more.

Damn! I still miss it!

but I don’t miss the swollen knees, sore feet, aches, pains and bruises

hearkat's avatar

My fiancé‘s hobby is cooking. The only problem is that our long commutes mean that we get home so late and tired that we often get take-out or eat after 8:00 p.m.

gailcalled's avatar

I and all the women friends I have ever had have interests and leisure activities done for pleasure, often without spouses or SO’s.

When age and infirmity forced me to stop skiing and playing tennis, I began to swim, quilt, refinish furniture, knit, crochet, write, return to the piano, read more, work on my foreign language skills and volunteer for organizations that interested me. There are never enough hours in the day.

Blondesjon's avatar

No. We kinda got married because we enjoy the same things.

ucme's avatar

@Blondesjon So, you like giving blow jobs also? That’s taking one for the team right there, respect.

gailcalled's avatar

When I was married, we pooled all our income, did a very careful and generous budget for our lives and stuck to it. Whatever was left over was considered discretionary. We split that down the middle.

Since we were mature adults and at the height of our earning powers, it was enough to have a little fun with. We were each free to do what we liked with our half. We never measured our success by these activities..

My ex bought a used antique (1939) wooden Chris-Craft which required $$$ maintenance, mooring and winter storage.. He did use it while we had a summer house with no road, even though I was not allowed to drive it. (For good reason.) He ruined many of my sable artist brushes by using them to touch up the varnish on the boat.

I began, slowly, to buy a few cashmere sweaters and some 19th century country pine furniture to replace the junk that 5 kids had destroyed.

We occasionally shared the hobby time but often did not…he went to antique boat shows with his friends and I poked around old furniture stores with mine, or on my own.

Happy, everything (but the sweaters, which I will wear forever) increase in value and are easily resold. If we had needed to tighten our belts, we would have, easily.

I enjoyed the beauty of the old boats but was just as happy to drive a dinged-up fiberglass outboard that I could bump into the fire hoses protecting the dock if I had to. But he loved them.

And we had many shared interests. Being independent part of the time is vital however, be it for jobs or hobbies.

OpryLeigh's avatar

My fella likes to ride motorbikes and as sexy as I find it it makes things complicated because I can’t relax at all knowing he is out on his bike. I am terrified that he will be in an accident and when he says that he is going out for a ride or he’ll take the bike instead of the car I feel sick! Strangely, if I am on it with him I have a great time and don’t worry about the worst case scenario. I would never ask him to stop riding or give up his bike though, I know how much he loves it.

trailsillustrated's avatar

OH, and cars. I had a Jaguar xke and a Mercedes saloon. One day we went to a restaurant when we came out found someone had spit on the windscreen of the mercedes, a really nasty green and yellow goober. Another time I visited my sister in the Jaguar, and the word ‘bitch’ was keyed into it down to the metal. These were his babies. Hehe.

Smitha's avatar

He just loves cricket and I don’t. We both don’t have any hobbies in common. But I guess that’s where they get the saying “opposites attract”!

garyman's avatar

My SO loves baking…And I am the one who has to eat everything she cooks…Whether I like it or not…

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