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blueiiznh's avatar

What excuse would you fabricate to explain an inexplicable attack?

Asked by blueiiznh (16683points) October 18th, 2013

Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizzare existential problem: He/she is going to die unless you kick this slumbering friend, as hard as you can, in the rib cage. If you don’t do this, e/she will never wake up. However, you can never explain your actions. If you later inform your friend that you did this to save their life, your friend will die from that.
So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t explain why.
Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this seemingly inexplicable attack?

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12 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

I am going to let him die.

Sunny2's avatar

Oops. Sorry. I didn’t see you lying there on the floor. I tripped.

tom_g's avatar

“Your annoying, unbroken ribs were annoying the shit out of me.”

If he doesn’t buy that, I tell him the truth because he is annoying.

Berserker's avatar

Just tell em I tripped. I’d be like, what the hell were you doing on the floor, dillhole?

KNOWITALL's avatar

Kick the crap out of them and say I thought you were an intruder?!

This is an odd

cookieman's avatar

Prior to the kicking:
• Gently cover him in a soccer ball-patterned sheet.

•Tune the television to UniVision and the soccer game that is inevitably playing.

Immediately after the kicking:

Seek's avatar

Point to other person in room.

He pushed me. Sorry.

Pachy's avatar

Blame it on Cruz.

glacial's avatar

Brain cloud.

CWOTUS's avatar

Knowing as I do that my kick in his ribs “as hard as I can” might very well kill him, I’d let him lie there, and I’d take my chances protecting him from whatever agent presents the choice.

SnoopyGirl's avatar

Hmm… Odd question indeed. Knowing that I hate to hurt the people that I care about, I would quietly ask for forgiveness and for the strength to hurt this person. I’d put on my softest pair of shoes and kick 1 time as hard as I could in the ribs. At this point, I would have to quickly go into another room and shut the door quietly. I would have an awful, sick feeling in my stomach and probably want to cry. I’d get myself together and go out there and see how my best friend was feeling. I’d go up and give them a hug and ask how their nap was. I believe that the pain I felt having to kick my friend for their life, erased the pain that my best friend would have felt afterwards. In other words, my best friend woke up with no pain in the ribs! Life is good!

KaY_Jelly's avatar

I’ll give @KNOWITALL‘s answer.

FRIEND: “Why did you kick me in the ribs so hard you knocked the wind out of me?”

ME: ”That is an odd question with a slightly more odd answer since I just got home and there you are laying in the front doorway, you fool, blaming me for lord knows what now! I haven’t got the time or the patience for your dumb games, now or EVER. If you weren’t on the floor freaking out maybe you’d now what hit you because I just came in and there you are freaking out on the floor.”

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