General Question

Whattodo's avatar

Should someone who sold her eggs to an infertile couple for $10,000 when she was in college tell the person she's now planning to marry?

Asked by Whattodo (101points) June 25th, 2008

Or is this one of those take-it-to-your-grave secrets?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

12 Answers

monsoon's avatar

I would say it loudly and proudly. Donating eggs is a very brave and humanitarian thing to do. I know one probably does it for money, but it is a great service to your fellow woman, imo.

Trustinglife's avatar

What do you have to lose? I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. Unless you are. And then it’d be something to be supported and loved about. Are you afraid of the guy’s judgment, or even losing him?

jlm11f's avatar

i don’t see anything wrong with that. she got money to help her through college and also she helped a couple have kids, like monsoon said that’s something to be proud of :). i say TELL HIM and if he is weird about it, i would be really surprised.

playthebanjo's avatar

where does my wife sign up? Ten grand? That’s awesome.

cage's avatar

I agree in that there is nothing wrong with it, and I’d be really proud of my wife. I understand how it may seem awkward in that “that’s my kid” but only biologically, so yeah!

What I’d like to REALLY know its that why this is acceptable, but sperm donation is embarrassing and by some, looked down on! ???

waterskier2007's avatar

i would say tell him, if he cant respect u for doing something helpful for another couple, then idk why ud wanna marry him. ( not making judgement, just an opinion)

Dog's avatar

Great question!

And as a counter-question:
How would a WOMAN feel if she learned her fiancee donated to sperm banks?

I think the response on either side would be a very good indicator as to how compatable you are with the other.

Honesty is always best when dealing with a potential life-mate.

shilolo's avatar

All you guys out there trying to sign up your wives should take a step back and realize that this is not a trivial procedure. First, the woman has to take hormones so that she superovulates (i.e. rather than release one egg that month, which is normal, she developes 10 or more at once). This can be uncomfortable, and sometimes can be painful and dangerous due to the development of ovarian cysts. Second, the women have to undergo a “minor” surgical procedure to harvest the eggs, which itself is not simple. So, while I do think that egg donation is very altruistic, it isn’t without risk.

charybdys's avatar

I think it also partly depends on your agreement with the couple. If you’ll never see the kid, and it doesn’t bother you, you might not bring it up. But if you will see the kid sometimes, it might be a good thing to disclose. Also, if it bothers you to keep a secret, definitely consider telling. But don’t lie. Also, realize that otherwise great people could be weirded out about that one thing.

I generally think some secrets should come out, and others be kept. The whole complete truth isn’t always the best policy. But that’s an individual situation sort of thing.

autumnofage's avatar

I agree with Charybdys..if theres a possibility that the child could some day try and find you and successfully do so It’d probably be best that future husband knows so he’s not completely shocked one day

Knotmyday's avatar

No shame at all. Tell him.

The larger issue is, “Why do you think your fiancĂ© would have an issue with it?”

Not to suggest you reevaluate your relationship, but if you fear that he would be intolerant in this case, prepare for a bumpy road ahead.

kenn's avatar

Truth = Freedom. Obviously it’s worrying you or you would not have submitted this question, so recommend full disclosure going into a marriage.

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