What's the most ridiculous thing you've managed to hurt yourself with?

I pirouetted while running and broke my wrist on the concrete sidewalk. several times from 9 to 21.

I’m not sure if this counts but I tried masturbating with my sisters Tea Tree Oil conditioner.

Not advised.

@johnpowell Oh yeah, that counts.

Packaging. Of various kinds. If I had control of the world all of the people who invented packaging would be sealed up in their creations!

@johnpowell That must have stung!

I stuck a very fine and short quilting needle through several layers of cloth into one of the joints of a finger. Several hours later, it had swollen to the size of a Kielbasa. After a trip to the Er at the then tiny Lake Placid hospital, I was admitted and hooked up to an IV antibiotic drip for 48 hours, There were only two other patients there beside me. It was a nice mini-vacation from being in charge of and cooking for five teen-agers in our camp with no road access,

Delusions

Αn umbrella rib that was sticking out of an old and broken umbrella. I tried to open it and it went through my hand and hit a little vein. It wasn’t a major wound but the blood was unbelievable, non-stop bleeding.

Oh I forgot, when I opened a can of corn it remained attached at to points I tried to open it with my hand and I sliced open my thumb… I used up all of the bandages and it still bled. So I used lots of toilet paper layer after layer until it got hard.

Also I used a q-tip in my ear and spend five silent hours in the emergency room in the middle of the night, the doctor irrigated my ear and my hearing came back.

I cut my lip and scratched my throat with a Pringle.

A sheet. I jumped off a balcony using one as a parachute when I was 11.

It didn’t work.

A fork. I was working in a kitchen, scrubbing cutlery in the sink by hand (there was no autoclave or dishwasher in this kitchen) and the prongs of the fork jammed into my finger, right into the top knuckle joint. I lifted my hand out of the water and the fork was still sticking in there and when I pulled it out I felt the bones pop back together. It didn’t hurt much and it bled hardly at all, but I went straight to hospital for a tetanus booster.

Tea Tree Oil conditioner… Aye, there’s the wrong rub.

Jalepeno juice in my eye.
Hard-shell taco in my gum.
Scratched my throat taking too large a pill once, too, thought I was going to die.
Not to mention countless times choking on my own saliva or water.

Putting in a raised floor in the IT dept. after warning everyone not to step on the loose tiles hanging over the edge of the new floor, I promptly stepped on one and knocked myself out when I hit the underfloor.

@WestRiverrat LMAO….sounds like an IT guy kinda thing, saved everyone else though!!!

Soap dispenser at a friend’s house, just last week. My nail got caught somehow, and it hurt for a few days. In my defense, it was the most complicated soap dispenser I had ever seen.

A sweet potato. I was going to throw it at my brother (we are idiots, we throw everything at each other), but I ended up dropping it and bruising my foot. Those things are dense!

A staple gun. Well I suppose it’s easy to injure yourself, but when I was on college wrapping wood frames in canvas cloth for stage backdrops, I stapled my left hand to the flat with my right. It didn’t hurt at all, and I sat there for a bit, thinking, “Crap. How am I going to get that out?”
They warned is that the canvas had to be really tight!

Ummm..

1. My last day of eighth grade I jumped off a roof onto side hill, so the elevation drop wasn’t much. Bu there was a bender board under the ivy and I landed on its edge right under the arch of my left foot. Sprained my ankle, and couldn’t dance with Debby Williams like I was planning to.

2. One time I was trying to improvise an alcohol lantern in the bathroom by putting rubbing alcohol in a wine bottle and lighting it. I tipped the bottle over so I could light it with a lighter, the alcohol poured over my hand and went up in flames. Burned the shit out of my hand, huge blisters.

3. One time when I was living on the bluff above the beach in Isla Vista CA, I tried to hit a golf ball into the ocean at low tide. I was quite drunk, it was four in the morning. I fell off the bluff, fell 65 feet to the beach. Broke my right leg and my left arm. My friends told me i was to never again pick up a golf club.

@zenvelo: Better to have been advised to never pick up a bottle of bourbon again rather than the benign golf club?

I got Superman cape for my fifth Christmas. Immediately after I opened the gift and while my proud parents were overseeing all my other sibs were opening theirs, I went out back, climbed onto the roof of the barn for a test flight. I woke up in the back seat of the Chevrolet while my dad was speeding to the ER.

Nothing. Literally, I injured myself with nothing. I was sitting at a desk, stationary, and suffered a knee meniscus dislocation.

A pencil. I was registering my son for kindergarten and they provided pencils (I don’t recall if they required the forms be in pencil or whether I’d not had a pen with me). There was a lot of papers and materials they gave us, so I stuck the pencil in my trench coat pocket. When I left and got in my car, the pencil somehow wedged between my belly and my thigh and the point pushed through the coat lining and my pant into my thigh. It is my only tattoo.

When I was 4 years old I put modeling clay into my ear and my body heat melted it into my eardrum. Surgery to scrape out the clay from my ear for that little moment of childish whimsy.
When I was 8 my friend and I had a pussy willow nose shooting competition.
Insert pussy willow bud into nostril of your choice, pinch off alternate nostril, inhale deeply, fire the pussy willow bud at warp speed at your friends face.

Uh huh, I accidentally snorted one of my pussy willow buds waaay up into my sinuses
took some looong tweezers at the doctors office to extract it.
Could have been worse I guess, I could have had a willow tree sprout out of my nose. lol

as a kid I used to lay on my side on the floor and watch TV, @Coloma. I had a BB gun and frequently had a BB to play with. Rolling it around in/on my ear was mindless activity. They’d fall in my ear, and I’d just turn over and shake them out. A BB failed to come out one day. A calm child, I forgot about it. One day weeks later there was a glob in my ear…the wax had brought the BB out!

@Coloma comes in a very close second to @thorninmud‘s son’s rare earth magnets. There is something irresistible about the nose and ear openings for kids, isn’t there?

Haha..children discovering all their bodily orifices. lol
I also remember being about 6 or 7 and holding a mirror between my legs to watch myself poop. Kids…of course some are more curious than others. Count me in the curious club. haha

@Espiritus_Corvus, you are my kinda (super) man. I tried the same thing once, though not from a roof. I was a Superman addict.

@Coloma “being about 6 or 7 and holding a mirror between my legs to watch myself poop”

Your life. Defined. Bravo.

LMAO

I tried to chop down petrified tree and I got a redound from the axe into my temples.

@ibstubro Hey..inquiring minds want to know!

Once in a hurry I happened to staple my own finger!

For a professional klutz like me, this is a “pick one” moment.

How’s this?

My family was preparing to spend the afternoon at a local festival that included a parade. I was sent out to the garage to collect the canvas camp chairs from a rather high shelf. Why the only person in the house under 5’10 was sent out there is beyond me, but there you go.

Whilst trying to balance on a makeshift foot stool and dragging the camp chairs out from beneath a precarious pile of sleeping bags, I managed to knock over a glass hurricane lamp, full to the brim with oil.

It, of course, hit the concrete garage floor, shattering into a billion pieces and coating my legs entirely up to the knee with lamp oil.

I was soundly reprimanded for my incompetence, then sent to clean myself up quickly before we left. I scrubbed my legs with Dawn dish soap until I was fairly certain I had gotten it off, then zipped up my favourite, very stylish suede knee-high boots and headed out to spend six hours in Florida summer heat.

When I took my boots off that night, a layer of skin came off with them. Took months for them to heal, and to this day my shins are about 16 years younger than the rest of my body, haha.

Thomas the tank engine ran over my finger as I tried to fix a bit of track, I broke a nail…bastard!

@gailcalled It took another nine years before friends thought I should consider not picking up a drink. Haven’t had a drink in 27 +years.

@ucme Was that when Ringo was Mr. Conductor at Shining Time Station?

^ I liked it during the George Carlin years.

@hearkat When I was in first grade doing homework at the kitchen table, and thinking, I held a sharp pencil in my fist, point down, and not realizing what I was doing, pounded my fist on my thigh. I ended up with my only tattoo from a pencil.

@zenvelo Haha, I have an old friend whose brother stabbed her in the nose with a pencil when she was about 10, leaving a blue tattoo dot. She finally had it removed after about 30 years. lol

My daughter has one of those near her eye from a stab with a bic by her brother.

Man, I must be the only person that fought my brother with knives instead of pens.

@zenvelo I blame the fat controller, shoulda warned me Thomas was coming, the little bugger still had a smile on his face too.

Man. I got nothing. Well, maybe… I hurt myself with a swimming pool. I scraped the hell out of my chin and nose on the bottom of the pool whilst being a Weekie Wachee Mermaid.

Ok, dragging my son in here.
He’s been hurt by a driveway, a snowboard, Walmart, a mail box, a stair railing, a bed, a nail gun, SAM’s Club, a roller board in PE, a grocery store, a brick, a car seat, a swimming pool, and by various and sundry falling objects that just jump off of their resting places when he walks by, and he got hit by a car once.

How about a Vietnamese foot? My friend kicked me in the jaw while doing a roundhouse when he slipped in the mud. I’ve also got knocked around with numchucks a few times, and knocked around by kickboxers. Martial arts dudes are sexy, what can I say.

Amended list: He’s been hit by 3 cars and a tomato frog.

This didn’t happen to me, but I have a co-worker who managed to slice her hand open on a Triscuit. I know, I’m still trying to figure out how that happened.

Amended…he also got attacked by a pond that (he said) contained sharks and the Wittle Wormaid.

“Wittle Wormaid”... I love it!!!
Once I was making chipped ice in my mother’s blender; I was making up a science lab that I had been absent for… the switch was faulty and when I was trying to get the ice out, the stupid thing started up and sliced the heck out of my fingers. Luckily I had quick reflexes so it wasn’t too bad. As an adult, I was washing a glass one time, and it broke with my hand in it, slicing my pinky badly enough for an ER visit. Oh!! And once I had a tooth break while I was eating rice crackers! Do I win a prize??;-)

Objects in ears and nostrils is commonplace when working in the Ear, Nose & Throat office.

A patient of mine tried showing a cousin how we’d made earmold impressions by putting Play•Doh in his own ear. It hardened up and hurt when the Doctor removed it. For years, I was the only person he’d let look in his ears.

Today was a good one. I was carrying an armload of branches from some pruning I did and one large branch stabbed me in the left nipple going through the gate to the gate to the dump pile. OW! I had to look and see if my poor wittle nipple was bleeding. It was not, but it hurt like hell. lol

Ooh ooh! Mama answer (since @Dutchess_III opened it up)

Here is the fish tank my son smashed his head into when he was 18 months old, leaving nothing but a ½ inch mark between his eyebrows and earning him the moniker “Fishtank Boy” by the local Urgent Care center. All the fish survived.

See this helicopter toy?
See that tiny red Lego-ish piece?
He stuck that on a lollipop stick and shoved it so far up his nose I’m surprised he doesn’t have brain damage.

Fortunately I had the foresight to bring the little green one with us to the urgent care center, where the doctors had a chance to practice with teh clean one before reaching for the one shoved up Fishtank Boy’s nose.

@Coloma Let me know if you need some massage assistance. Or even a kiss on your boobie boo-boo.

LOL. yes, please kiss it! haha—

You know those little foil covers that cover the tops of bottles of sauces and other condiments? Those things are a pain to tear off. I had the worst time trying to remove one from a new bottle of vanilla this evening. It was a tiny little thing. About the size of my pinky fingernail. I decided to try to tear it off with my teeth after unsuccessfully trying to remove it with a knife and my finger tips. I ended up cutting my lip. grrr

@Seek_Kolinahr Thank goodness our kids weren’t “friends!”