Who wants to play Corrupt a Wish?

I wish I had a new car.

Sure! But the engine is sold separately.

I wish I had a puppy!

Fine… Now pay the 500+ dollar in yearly costs it comes with…

I wish I had bacon…

I wish I had a Big House.

Bacon is not good for you !

OK! Here’s your new prison.

I wish I had a new computer.

But anyway you have the old one with you.
I wish I had “nothing to do” ;)

You would still be ‘busy doing nothing’!

I wish I had a Swatch watch.

You get the watch but it is always twelve minutes too fast or too slow.

I wish I had musical talent.

Fine, but you’ll never have a record contract. We only want pretty and untalented people.

I wish I had a new hairdo.

What’s so special about it?
I wish I owned this website.

You have the website but it’s full of staunch Independents.

I wish I had a display cabinet full of PEZ dispensers!

Forget that.
I wish I had all the money in the world.

But then you have all the world constantly begging you for money, and you never sleep or eat in peace again.

I wish I always had perfect hair.

You get perfect hair but but only at the cost of uneven and chipped nails…

I wish I had a smaller desk.

You have it!
I wish I was a magician and controlled the universe.

You get to control the universe… As a Dalek!

I wish I had new snow boots…

Granted. The boots are literally made of snow.

I wish I was a kid again.

Not practicable!
I wish I was the most beautiful person.

You’re beautiful but have an overwhelming awful odor…

I wish my new snow boots were not made of snow… (sigh)

You have got to try it a lot harder!
I wish I could get off my computer and go to sleep!

You get to sleep only to be awakened 10 minutes later.

I wish I had a cheeseburger.

Come to my home, I will give you one!
I wish flip86 had not asked this question( Its a chain reaction )

He didn’t, it was the voices in his head!

I wish my dishes would wash themselves…

No way that could happen!
I wish I could see dww25921.

You see me but only as a horse!

I wish my avatar was my horse…

How come?
I wish somebody stops this….. ;)

@DWW25921 Changes avatar to Sarah Jessica Parker.

I wish I could go to the moon.

You’re on the moon but trapped with REGIS in the same pod!!!!

I wish I was as rich as Regis.

Yes, work hard.
I wish I had Extra Sensory Perception.

You would see ghost porn.
I wish I had unlimited wishes.

You get them but it only involves Oatmeal.

I wish I could fly!

Go ahead, make yourself sit on an airplane!
I wish the world ends right now.

It ends, but only for you.

I wish I had some chips.

The California Highway Patrol comes and takes you away!

I wish I had a Harley…

Permission granted.
I wish you all love me :)

We do but in an icky, stalker sort of way…

I wish I ruled the world! Mua ha ha ha ha ha!!!

You can’t.
I wish I never die.

You live forever… As a statue!

I want Chocolate.

Not again!!!
I wish I say you Goodbye :)

You do but no one hears…

I still want chocolate.

I don’t have.
I wish I have nothing more to say ;)

You have nothing more to say on interesting topics. You can only comment about boring things.

I wish Mars was habitable.

You only think about things that are not possible.
I wish you stop saying anything.

He is now mute but now you hear his voice in your mind…

I wish I was from Mars.

You are already, men are from mars, you know!
I wish you could laugh hard right now!

I laughed with a mouth full of chocolate.

I’m glad I got chocolate. I wish you had some.

@khajuria gets chocolate but it’s the laxative kind.

I wish I was a doctor.

You already are.
I wish I leave this game now. Bored of it now!

You’re gone but want to come back…

I wish I was even more attractive than I already am… (If it’s even possible…)

@Flo You are a proctologist in a weight clinic woohoo. I wish I lived in Hawaii.

Granted but soon after moving, your house is engulfed in lava. Luckily you and yours survive.

I wish I never had to pay my bills.

Done. Your neighbour will pay them for you. In exchange, you are on-call 24/7, providing him with foot rubs and feeding his ferocious pet iguana.

I wish I never had to get up early again.

Granted. You’re dead.

I wish I had some crab Rangoon.

You’ve got it but you have to clean the crab with your toothbrush and you can’t get another one.

I wish I had a new toothbrush.

Here you go!

I wish I could figure out a name for my son’s new puppy

Your sons new puppy’s name is “Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All”

I wish I had a puppy.

Granted but you have no way of letting him in or out of the house.

I wish I had a cabin in the woods.

Cute! What kind of doggie is it @Seek_Kolinahr?

You have a cabin in the woods but… I hear banjos!

I wish I could play the banjo…

I don’t know! We think he’s some kind of lab/pit mix, but we’ll find out more soon. Maybe @syz will see and know.

Oh Lawd. Rarebear is lurking in my woods!

You can, but they are illegal and if anyone catches you buying one, you’ll be executed.

I wish my shower was fixed finally.

The shower is fixed but it forever has cold water.

I wish I was President of the USA.

Your shower is fixed but it only pumps out orange juice. (Well, that was random.)

I wish I had some orange juice.

~~Awkward.

You both are President of the USA, but there is a nationwide Orange Juice shortage being blamed on your administration’s juice showers.

I wish I lived where it snows.

Orange juice. No…cold water. No. Orange juice – oh, damn it.

Granted, but it only snows orange juice as a result of the shower runoff.

I wish I was taller.

@Seek_Kolinahr That was awesome…

You are taller but everyone can see up your nose…

I wish it was Christmas!

It is, but you’re still on Mars. All alone.

I wish I could play the piano.

I would also like to know how old @Seek_Kolinahr‘s puppy is.

You can but you have to do it in orange juice on mars with a puppy.

I wish I had a puppy.

The puppy can talk and never lets you forget that you took his manhood.

I wish money grew on trees.

Granted but it turns into Monopoly money 30 minutes after you pick it.

I wish it would snow here like it’s snowing in Philly.

It snows like in Philly but only cocaine… like in Philly…

I wish fleas vanished forever.

Granted but for every flea that vanishes two cockroaches take their place.

OK, but they’re replaced with mosquitoes! (I’d rather have fleas. Srsly.)

The puppy is 7 weeks old.

I wish he were a beagle, so I could name him Darwin.

Granted, but he evolves into a cockroach and then a mosquito and then a pteridactal and lives to be 100 years old.

I wish 60 minutes was on right now.

60 minutes is on but only lasts for 59 minutes and Andy Rooney rants about pennies the entire time.

I wish I could type faster.

Granted but auto correct can never be overridden.

I wish I was in Hawaii.

Done. You can’t leave your miniscule 1-star hotel room, though. Have fun.

I wish I had banana bread.

You have your banana bread but it was made in the 1950’s using the now virtually extinct Gros Michel banana variety

I wish I had walnut brownies.

Poof! You do. Hope you don’t mind that Coloma made them. And they’re triple strength. :D

I wish someone would come clean my house.

It is done! Sadly the “someone” is a large pregnant spider.

I wish my lawn looked better…

Done. But you owe $15,000 for the spray paint.

I wish I had a million dollars.

Granted but you get fined by the IRS for tax evasion and you go broke.

I wish Chinese food would be delivered to me.

You get Chinese food but in the bag you hear… MEOW!

Great… Now I want Chinese food…

Granted but you can only eat it after watching the Karate Kid remake starring Jackie Chan.

I wish Family Guy would bring Brian back from the dead.

Granted, but he is forever a Night of the Walking Dead Zombie Dog and hideous to look at.

I wish they made sitcoms with the understated humor like they used to (thinking of The Andy Griffith Show.)

Granted, but they’re only in Spanish.

I wish for world peace.

Whirled Peas.

I wished there was automobile that gets 55 MPH and carries 8 people.

You get the 55 MPG(I think this is what you meant?)automobile but the gas savings are outweighed by the poor design and mechanical failures.

I wish Mitt Romney had won. not really

Mitt Romney won! (not really)

It would be nice if the cats decided to attack something other than me when I go to bed.

Sure. Hitherto they will now attack your messy obnoxious roommate, oh yeah you have one now.

I wish I could fly.

You can fly but every time you do, you age 5 years.

I wish I had x-ray vision.

X ray vision granted but now instead of seeing luscious curves and you see black and white bones.

I wish I actually knew what I wanted.

You now know what you want, and that you can never have it.

I wish I was Bill Gates.

You are Bill Gates! Sadly however, you are also trapped in a glass prison in the center of the earth with no chance of escape.

I want come coffee but it’s so late if I have it now I’ll be up for like ever.

You don’t get coffee for 20 years and sleep the entire time like Rip Van Winkle.

I wish Conan O’Brien was still hosting the Tonight Show.

He is! Just not on a channel that anyone watches…

I wish the new season of Dr. Who would start already…

Nobody knows what you are talking about.

I wish the Denver Broncos will defeat the Patriots in post season and make Tom Brady cry.

Okay, but he’s crying on YOUR shoulder and makes you uncomfortable…

I wish the heads of our school district weren’t a bunch of flaming morons.

They’re no longer flaming morons but they do appear to be on fire!

I wish @jonsblond was a Dr. Who fan! I mean, who hasn’t heard of The Doctor?

@jonsblond becomes a fan but shortly after, he snaps, goes on a rampage, and murders the entire cast.

I wish George R. R. Martin would finish his A Song of Ice and Fire series.

@flip86 Nooo!!!!!!!

He finishes it up with a lame zombie tie-in which irritates fans…

I wish I had a never ending supply of coffee…

You have a never ending supply of coffee. Instant. Decaffeinated. Cold water only.

I wish I had talent.

You have talent. But your talent is in bathroom scrubbing. You are the best in the world and you have your own weekly show.

I wish I could play the piano.

You can play the piano, but you can only play in the low register because the upper is too much treble…
You can also play only for a few hours in the middle of the night.
I wish I was naturally good at being organised.

Now you are. But you are also OCD.

I wish I had a cat.

You have it.
I wish I was never born.

No..you have to corrupt the wish! See some of the responses above….

Ok. So you have never been born. All accounts will be deleted and all of your worldly possessions will be transported to Goodwill.

I wish it was summertime!

It is. You are standing in a meadow, listening to the birds chirp…getting sunburnt, and fifty miles from home. You don’t have anything with you apart from a backpack filled with bricks. Your only company is a pesky mosquito, and the dirt road leading you home.

I wish my cold was gone.

It’s gone. Now you have cancer. Cold wasn’t so bad, was it!

I wish I didn’t have to go somewhere now.

Why do you have to? Its already plenty cold. Stay locked indoors.
I wish I could never procrastinate.

You are full of energy and never procrastinate again! Sadly, your newly found compulsion drives you to clean every public toilet you can find.

I wish my awesomeness would spread to others making the world a better place!

Your awesomeness grows and grows, then it becomes unmanageable for you to handle. You then decide to be the way you were before.
I wish I do not waste time.

You don’t waste time anymore. Now, you’re in such a frenzy of time management that you wish you could slow down a little.

I wish it wasn’t raining so I could do a thing.

But you can not control the weather. It had to rain, so it is raining.
I wish I could eat macaroni and cheese along with you. :)

You could, I have some in the fridge. By the time you get here it will be bad…

I wish I had some ice cream.

You have 50 gallons of ice cream! But your freezer is broken.

I wish I never had to eat.

You don’t have to eat, because you’re dead!

I’m glad I’m still alive… Poor Dutchess…

Well, I wish you weren’t @DWW25921! (JK. :) Butyou didn’t make a wish so it was on me….

I am no longer dww25921…

I wish I was a horse again… Or maybe a hippie van…

You’re a hippie van, but you’re stuck in a swamp and can’t move.
I hope we will soon find a way of explaining quantum gravity and black holes.

Done! But the knowledge triggered the collapse of the universe and the next Big Bang. See you in another 15 billion years!

I wish my husband and I could finally settle this debate over what the past participle of the verb “to drink” is.

It’s “had/has/have DRUNK, goddammit!”

The argument has been resolved, but now you will have drunk so much that you will be drunk for two days and awaken with a turrible headache.

I wish @DWW25921 wouldn’t butt in when I’m composing!

I’ll only but in when it suits me to do so.

I could never drink from where a drunk has drank.

From where a drunk drank.
Or, from where a drunk has drunk.

De drunk drunk de drunks drink. Oh wait. That’s another thread.

Seek sipped Screwdrivers somewhat speedily.

Jelly’ jacked juicy jamborees judiciously. I can not believe I spelled that all right the first time!

But the jamboree turned ugly when the boy scouts started making out.

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener. THAT is what I’d truly like to be.

You become the wiener of a man named Oscar Meyer.

I wish religion was just a small fringe group in society.

Granted, but they have control of all the world’s nuclear warheads.

I wish to let everyone know we named the Christmas Puppy Russell

@Seek_Kolinahr What breed is it? At first I thought it was a dachsund, but the proportions don’t look quite right. He looks adorable!

Granted, and the new puppy tries out his new teeth on everything in the house. :D

I wish placing little green army men around the house was an excellent security system.

It is, if you’re barefooted and the lights are turned off. OUCH !

I wish that Utilities were free.

They are, but your rent has doubled.

I wish that I were healthy. Don’t poopoo that one, lol!

Not really sure, some kind of mutt. He has almost a pit bull face, so probably a pit mix.

He’s SO young, though. Keeps trying to nurse on me and my hubby.

@Seek_Kolinahr If he’s trying to nurse on you, it sounds as if he was taken from his mom too early. Animals like that often grow up to suck on their tails or paws. I hope that’s not the case for him.

Granted. You are so healthy you become a health guru and the paparazzi won’t leave you alone.

I hope the lovely (cold) weather we’re having here continues! (I LOVE cold weather, ice and snow, blizzards and all!)

@Seek_Kolinahr Poor little guy. Be sure to get him social, seven weeks is pretty early, and his nursing is not a good sign. He’s an adorable mix, though. His ears remind me of a Rhodesian Ridgeback’s, but his face and legs are pit bull.

@snowberry Done. It is cold and lovely. You, however, are trapped in the cellar, listening to an endless loop of the “Animaniacs” theme song. We’ll get you out of there by March, at the latest – promise!

I wish my house was tidier!

Done! But now all your treasures are gone.

I wish I had a winter home in Arizona. Oceanfront.

You get your oceanfront home but soon after, Sharknado hits and you are swallowed by a great white.

I wish I could live comfortably and never have to work again.

Granted, but you’re now a quadraplegic.

I wish I had some Kona coffee.

Some big-gutted burly dude in a hula skirt is going to deliver some to you. But before you can make a pot you have to sleep with him.

I wish I could take naps without feeling guilty.

You can take guilt free naps but now you can’t eat without feeling guilty.

I wish I didn’t have to clean the snow off my car.

But you can’t drive without cleaning.
I wish I could always do what I feel.

You can’t always do what you feel.

I wish my dogs didn’t stink.

Well for that you can dip them in water ;)
I wish I was a Dutchess….

@khajuria The point of the game is, the person gets their wish, however there is a negative attached to it.
For example, “I wish I had a kitten.”
Response might be “Granted. You have a kitten. But the kitten has rabies.”

Try again! :)

I wish my dogs didn’t stink.

But the wish can’t be stated twice , deary!!
I wish I had a muffin!

@Dutchess_III Your dogs don’t stink but now they bark constantly and you never get those guilt free naps.

I wish I was a successful entrepreneur.

But then you had to deal with too many things too soon. Your head starts spinning and you are drained of all your energy.
I wish I was Barrack Obama.

Granted, you are now a shelf in a pub, with an “Obama” sticker attached.

Mind your spelling!

I wish I was Miss America.

The spelling thing was intentional!!!
You become Miss America, now all the guys are chasing you and you decide to give up.
I wish I was Angelina Jolie!

Granted. But you’re stuck with Brad Pitt, whether you like it or not, for the rest of your life!

I wish I knew what that rather large thing was that the dogs just pulled out of the empty baby pool in the back yard.

That rather large thing is a sleeping zombie that will wake up and eat us all!
I wish I had a website.

You have a website. However, it was created by the same folks who gave us healthcare.gov.

I wish it was 80 degrees.

Poof! You now live in Florida. It’s 80 degrees, but your governor is Rick Scott, and no one knows how to drive.

I wish I had a movie theater in my house

Oh shit!

You have a movie theater in your house! But all it will show are reruns of 1970’s General Hospital (Go Luke and Laura!)

I wish I had some tapioca pudding.

You get the tapioca pudding but now everything you eat tastes like tapioca.

I wish I’d never have to go to work before 10 am ever again.

O noes…I’m heating up lasagna as we speak. :(

Granted. But now you’re unemployed and the only job you can get is 3rd shift at McDonalds.

I wish everything didn’t taste like tapioca. Hurry up! My lasagna is almost done!

Granted. Only lasagna tastes like tapioca. :)

I wish a free pizza would get delivered to me.

Shit again!

Done. But all they have is tapioca pizza with anchovies.

I wish beer didn’t make me feel so full.

Well beer doesn’t make you feel full, but it makes you have intense chocolate and ice cream cravings that will never be satisfied.
I wish I could fly!

OK, you can fly. But you are blind and have no echo locator.

I wish it was bedtime!

It’s you bedtime but lasagna always keeps you up all night if it tastes like tapioca.

I wish I had a new car that only I could drive, required no fuel and was trouble free.

Granted. But its current location is Botswana.

I wish I had a delicious plate of potato pancakes, with blackberry preserves.

Ok, but you stuffed your stomach with these food items and started anti-peristalsis.
I wish I was the most knowledgeable person in the world.

Done! But the only topic you’re the world’s most knowledgeable about is the reproductive cycle of an as yet to be discovered insect living in the Amazonian Rain Forest.

I wish my new car that only I can drive, requires no fuel and is trouble free was parked in my obstruction free front drive.

Granted, but the keys(which can’t be replaced)are currently at the bottom of the Marianas trench and can’t be wished out.

I wish Askville had never shutdown.

Granted. But that is the ONLY website you can access.

I wish McDonalds delivered.

Granted, McDonald’s only delivers to Walmart.

I wish I owned Disney World.