General Question

emjay's avatar

How does one break free of their mental problems?

Asked by emjay (681points) December 9th, 2013

I have an abandonment complex…
And a “my mommy didn’t love me” complex.
I’ve been thinking lately, both of those play a pretty big part in who I am today. It takes a lot for me to let people in or trust someone even a little. I don’t stand up for myself and I don’t have a lot of self value. I feel like most of these are pretty common stories. How do other people break free of these issues? Coping suggestions? Anything?

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15 Answers

snowberry's avatar

I took several courses through Landmark Forum. It was amazing.

khajuria's avatar

By thinking that this is all normal and a part of life. It teaches us and opens before us bewildering ways to look at things and think about our own mental perceptions. You can also feel good if you read some books on mind, hypnosis, behaviorism, psychology and spirituality, to name a few.
One thing more, don’t let your mind think about it with a negative perception…Rather, say that It Served You A Purpose.

emjay's avatar

@snowberry, googled “landmark forum” second result: “is it a cult?” Lol.

KNOWITALL's avatar

My mom sent me to poise classes and modeling classes to build my self-esteem, it worked to a degree, but what really helped was saying ‘F—- it, I’m going to be me’.

You can look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself you are beautiful, you are worthy of happiness and you are intelligent (or whatever you have issues with.) Self affirmations are powerful! Write them on your rerigerator or mirror, etc…

I had daddy issues, was very shy, a tad overweight as a pre-teen, braces, contacts and poor fashion sense. You can evolve into anything you wish as you mature. Although I still have a very hard time getting close with people and trusting anyone, I’m not sure that will change for me personally, but it may for you.

DWW25921's avatar

I’ve embraced my issues for years. I find if you’re open about it to folks it helps weed out the friendship deadwood when you’re in need. Some of my best friends have had serious issues. I would just say accept who you are first and rely on people second. I’ve been known to be very “clingy” to folks and feel devastated at personal losses as well. It’s a real pain but I move on and deal with it because I know I’m a fantastic person! I find that accepting who you are as a person makes all other decisions, changes and situations a little more amiable.

janbb's avatar

Therapy, therapy and more therapy have helped. I have similar issues. In recent years, they have nearly destroyed a close friendship I have with a guy. I have worked very hard to separate out my abandonment shit from the reality so that I don’t lose the friendship or my self-esteem. It’s an uphill battle but you can do it.

emjay's avatar

@janbb , I sometimes laugh at myself for the abandoment thing. I was never really abandoned. I just lost a lot of people at once and now I’m afraid people I care about are going to just up and disappear without notice… Its the worst.

janbb's avatar

@emjay Yup. I had an erratically loving mother and a brother who died when I was 4. It’s not easy to let go of that baggage especially in the wake of recent losses. But awareness and reality checks help; which is where therapy comes in handy. I have also learned to like myself which helps a lot.

snowberry's avatar

@emjay There are folks who say it is, but I went in looking for “cultish” earmarks and found none. I am a strong Christian. A lot of the Christian people I know still insist it is, but I do not see it, and I have taken more than a year of advanced courses. It’s also morphed a lot from what it used to be.

Some people don’t like being confronted by uncomfortable truths about themselves (which could be the reason for some of the negativity).

They challenge you to look at the stuff you believe about your life (the stuff that keeps you stopped), and give you the tools to transform it into something that inspires you instead. That’s exciting, and well worth the money.

In my case, I stopped being a drama queen over every day stuff and now I choose the drama (such as telling stories). That’s far more inspiring. I also learned how to confound my abusers because they no longer controlled me, and eventually won the biggest one- hubby- to my side. (woo hoo!)

Because of my childhood, I never learned how to play. I took the Wisdom course and explored what it means to play as an adult and I do it all the time now. That knowledge is a source of great joy to me now.

emjay's avatar

@snowberry, I wasn’t necessarily agreeing or disagreeing with the cult statement, just found it amusing. I am starting to see how empowering it is to show people who hurt me that they have no power over me. For instance,this week I told my Ex fiance (who I talked about not knowing how to deal with in a former question) to leave me alone because I’m in love with someone else and don’t want anything to do with him. It felt AMAZING.

snowberry's avatar

@emjay I wrote that for anyone who googles Landmark Forum and reads all the stuff. And a participant gets out of it what they put into it. If you’re not ready to delve deep, don’t expect much in return.

Good for you about telling the ex. That’s a good start.

hug_of_war's avatar

I don’t know. I’ve seen two therapists. I found both helped me in no way despite really liking the first. There is no therapist who treats adults with Asperger’s in my network so I’m unlikely to try again (It is one thing that colors everything in my life and why I think I’ve had so little success with therapy).

I’ve tried ignoring things, but I sick at that. I want to bring something up until I fix it. I’ve tried being open about stuff but then they just ignore me, which gives me more issues.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I have noticed that this question is one of several recent ones where mental and or emotional concerns are presented to a lay audience requesting methods or tricks to overcome complex problems. Such problems can be adequately resolved over a period of time between the person with the problem and a professional, experienced therapist.

Even for those of us with such training, we can’t offer a useful answer based on a question asked here. Therapy is a collaborative process require dedication and patience.

Smitha's avatar

Abandonment fear, to some extent is a normal part of being human, but when abandonment fear is too deep, frequent and beyond control then it can interfere with healthy relationships and can cause many issues in your life.
The fears and feelings resulting from the past may never go off completely but there is always hope. Think about the positive things happening in your life. Give more importance to that. Learn to care for yourself, try to surround yourself with close friends and relatives that you trust. With proper help and guidance from a professional counselor and appropriate treatment, you can learn to manage abandonment issues in a healthy and productive way.

ISmart's avatar

go to the beach and walk around

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