General Question

tjckmr1234's avatar

What do I have to do to make my girlfriend trust me?

Asked by tjckmr1234 (24points) December 25th, 2013

My girlfriend and I have been together for four months now. I love her with all my heart but she is always jealous of other girls and thinks that I am going to cheat on her. Tonight she got mad at me for telling a girl thank you for wishing me a Merry Christmas, she got very angry and said ” I really don’t wanna be around you that much” that hurt me so much because it is Christmas day she should be happy that she is spending this wonderful day with me. I try so hard to show her that I wont cheat on her and I even made her a promise that I would never cheat on her and still it seems she don’t trust me.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

31 Answers

Response moderated
Seek's avatar

I say:

Guilty conscience.

If you haven’t actually done anything that could be constituted cheating, it’s likely an issue of projected guilt.

Mature adults do not play such mind games.

I say cut your losses, thank Providence you learned about her before you got married, and find someone who isn’t so damned controlling.

Best of luck, hon.

tjckmr1234's avatar

Thank you, I have done nothing to make her jealous or even have to worry about me and i trust her fully i just don’t see how she can always think like that

tjckmr1234's avatar

It just hurt a lot for her to tell me she don’t really wanna be around me on and it is Christmas day?

LilCosmo's avatar

If you put the same effort into this girlfriend as you did into editing this question (that is to say none), then the answer to the question posed in the title is a resounding no.

That being said, if you have done nothing to betray her trust, she sounds irrational, insecure, and extremely jealous. Turn and run as fast as you can away from her.

marinelife's avatar

Your girlfriend is insecure. The problem is her not you.

There is nothing else that you can do. I would tell her, “Look, I really like you and I have told you that I would never cheat on you, but that’s all I can do. The rest is up to you. You need to like yourself enough to trust us and the relationship.”

If she doesn’t change, I would break up with her.

tjckmr1234's avatar

Thank you, I will tell her that, I don’t want a girl who is always gonna be like that and tell me she does not wanna be around me because why do I need a girl who don’t wanna be around me

gailcalled's avatar

How old are you both?

(Gonna? Wanna? She doesn’t.)

tjckmr1234's avatar

i am 22 and she is 19

gailcalled's avatar

I would have guessed 14. She sounds very insecure and very immature. Run.

Kmredgate10's avatar

I am his gf and maybe if he didn’t hide massages on fb and delete them. I trust him but when he dose scetchy ass shit it gives me reason to worry.

Judi's avatar

Got really can’t do anything to change her. You only have 4 months invested. I hate to say this but these things usually get worse not better.

tjckmr1234's avatar

I hope she is not always this jealous and she does change her ways but only time can tell, my ex was a very jealous girl to and I took the ride hoping it would change but it did not, but I love her a whole lot more then I did my ex so I hope it changes

gailcalled's avatar

Hoping she will change is just pie in the sky.

”... when he dose scetchy ass shit it gives me reason to worry” does not bode well for your relationship, even if I understood what that means.

Coloma's avatar

^^^ Hope away but usually really jealous and insecure girls ( people ) stay that way for a very long time.
If you’re up to waiting to see if she becomes secure and less jealous you might be waiting until you are 45. lol

Seek's avatar

Waitaminit… do we actually have the attention of BOTH interested parties?

@Kmredgate10 – Why are you looking at his facebook messages?

It’s a valid question. I don’t even read my husband’s facebook messages, and I’m the admin on the PC we share.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

@Kmredgate10, If I had a bf who was like the kind of gf you are, I would dump him. Who can’t be trusted? Anyone who would intrude in any of my accounts, online ir on paper, would not be welcome in my life. I would say this man is putting up with a lot. So what if he erases stuff? If he has harmful secrets, then shame on him, but looking into his accounts is scandalous of its own.

Kmredgate10's avatar

We’ll I went throw a lot with my ex and I’m not ganna let it happen again. I need to make sure I don’t get hurt. And he looks throw my stuff just as much as I look throw his

Seek's avatar


Your time would be better spent prescreening your romantic partners than trying to control them during the relationship.

tjckmr1234's avatar

I’m nothing like her ex nor will i ever be as I told her the same thing :)

tjckmr1234's avatar

I just want the same love that i give to her and trust from her

snowberry's avatar

Yeah, it’s not happenin’. I agree. You can’t control each other. Either there is a level of trust, or there isn’t. Once trust is broken, deserved or not, it’s a long long road back to trust again. I’m speaking as one who has been married for 36 years.

Either way, if there’s going to be any chance at it, you can’t afford to go checking up on each other all the time. Oh, and lose the drama. It’s a great way to destroy whatever relationship you have left.

serenityNOW's avatar

@tjckmr1234 – Its been four months. Cut your losses and run. If she doesn’t trust you by now, and you truly haven’t done anything to breach her trust, she’s immature and a waste of time.
P.S. If the two of you are online, both posting on Fluther, why are you talking to us and not each other?

Judi's avatar

My sister in law was like this. After years of Therapy and becoming leaders in Recovering Couples Annymomous she finally doesn’t get jealous if my brother hugs me but he is not allowed to even watch a movie if a girl has a low cut shirt on.
They’ve been married 20 years.

gailcalled's avatar

P.S. If the two of you are online, both posting on Fluther, why are you talking to us and not each other?

Sensible advice from @serenityNOW, which i will reinforce.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

You can’t make someone else love you or trust you if they are not inclined to do so. See my response to your other question right above this one.

talljasperman's avatar

Diamonds sometimes work.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Be trustworthy.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Facebook massages???? Did one suddenly create a fluther account to answer the question the first jelly asked?

bolwerk's avatar

This probably isn’t a trust issue at all. She sounds really insecure, like a 14-year-old girl. Her expectations are unrealistic. Her behavior is controlling. Any time anyone – male or female – acts this way, it’s time to run.

Dump her.

jca's avatar

It seems like you’d have to devote a lot of energy to dealing with her anger and jealousy issues. Who has time for that?

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther