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Mimishu1995's avatar

What should I do (details inside)?

Asked by Mimishu1995 (14755points) January 3rd, 2014

It all started at the military camp. My friends (a total of 4) and I stayed together in a room. The military course required us to stay at the camp for a month, which meant that we had to live with each other in the room 24/7. When we began to find out each other’s bad habits, things started to get wrong. And for me, some things happened that turned everything into a disaster: Two of the girls one day claimed they didn’t like my way of talking, saying I didn’t seem to share many interests with them. To make the matter worse, there was a time that I accidentally spread my cold to the same girls just days before our first test! After all those horrible incidents I had the feeling that they seemed to avoid chatting with me, those all of us still hung out together at our free time.

I was so scared that they had stopped being friends with me that I talked to the two other girls privately. They were quite sympathetic and stated that the problem was just because we had to live together and everything would be back to normal after the course. And now the course had finished and we were back to the university. But when I met the two irritated girls, I felt as if a heavy weight was put onto my shoulders. I just want to say hi to them, to join their conversation and laugh with them like the old time, but somehow I felt afraid. I’m afraid they still don’t forget the incidents and will tell me to go away. But seeing all the four girls talking happily to each other just break my heart. I don’t know why I don’t have the gut to ask them directly what they feel about me, but I don’t want to talk to the two other girls about my problem, least they will think I’m starting “overthinking it” again (I am famous among my friends as a “exaggerating queen” for my tendency to worry about things which actually isn’t very serious).

Now I’m very depressed. Am I right to worry, or am I just overthinking the problem? What should I do now? Sometimes I just wish we didn’t have to take that course or I could go back in time so that I didn’t have to deal with all of this.

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9 Answers

snowberry's avatar

I was in the military when I was young. What I heard everyone say was, “Hey, it’s basic training. You can do anything for 3 months,” which is how long our training camp was. Stick it out. See if you can find a book to read or a quiet activity (art pad and colored pencils for example) for those times when you’re alone, and stop thinking about them so much.

My whole childhood was pretty much as you describe. It wasn’t fun, but I managed, and you can too. To get through this with poise, you’ll need to shift your focus onto things other than “friends” who aren’t really friends.

dxs's avatar

Now that you’re back at the university, can you find other people to get to know?

KNOWITALL's avatar

You can make an overture, like inviting all of them to a dinner or lunch, you pay and just have a good time. That way you will find out how they feel or treat you, but you don’t have to be a drama queen, just observe and have fun.

Spreading a cold isn’t your fault in close quarters, so if they hold that against you that’s a little crazy. You have to have confidence in yourself most of all. :)

YARNLADY's avatar

Talk this over with a counselor.

LDRSHIP's avatar

Just want to be sure is this high school or college?

Mimishu1995's avatar

@snowberry @dxs I can do like what you suggest, but my problem is that no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to forget them. Before the military course we were good friends and we had a lot of good memory. I just can’t shake those memory out of my head and I keep comparing the past and the present.
@LDRSHIP It’s college. Why do you ask that? Is it because my behavior doesn’t fit a college student?

Katniss's avatar

From what I’ve read, you did nothing wrong. As hard as it may be, you should try to talk to them. If they insist on acting like assholes, do you really want them in your life? They are causing you stress and pain. Real friends don’t do that.
Talk to them, tell them how you feel, if nothing changes then I think it’s time to find some new friends.

ETpro's avatar

Don’t tell us, tell them. Tell the two girls you clashed with everything you told us. Like @Katniss, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Surely you didn’t deliberately pass on the cold. If you could use thought control over viruses, you wouldn’t have come down with the darned thing yourself. Shit happens when you have to live in close quarters for an extended time. But none of us are in a position to move on. Only your two friends who are now acting distant can do that. So you need to tell them what you told us.

See if they are willing to understand, and hit the reset button. If not, move on. “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

snowberry's avatar

@Mimishu1995 I never said you will stop thinking about it. You do think about it. A lot. But if you’ve got your hands busy, or if you can concentrate on a book, it’s a help. And do keep telling yourself that these folks are not worth worrying over, because the truth is, they aren’t! Sooner or later you’ll start to believe it.

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