Social Question

Beatrix's avatar

Would you initiate conversations with someone over IM if you weren't interested?

Asked by Beatrix (50points) January 5th, 2014

This guy has been initiating conversations with me over IM most days the last two weeks. I’ve known him for years, but not very well. He was at my University but was more of an acquaintance. We hadn’t spoke to each other in years since I randomly bumped into him one night last month. I spoke to him briefly, so maybe that triggered it? I think I’m starting to get a slight crush on him. Turns out we have a lot in common. I’ve been thinking about him a lot. Could he be interested in me too?

- He starts conversations saying things such as ‘Merry Christmas missy’, ‘Forgot to say, I’m glad you enjoyed the movie.’’ and ‘How far are you through the book? Hope you’re all good’.

- The conversations started off 5 minutes long when we first started chatting around Christmas two weeks ago. Then they ended up being around 20–30 minutes long. Most recently (the last few days) they have been much longer. One conversation we had a few days ago was 3 hours long and one we had yesterday was an hour long. He has initiated about 70% of them.

- He has given me his username and password for his Netflix account without me asking for it.

- He makes typos when he gets carried away and talks about something he likes. He’s apologised but I told him not to worry and that it’s easy to type nonsense when chatting about something awesome and I do it all the time too. He replied saying “Aww that is reassuringly true”

- There has been no flirting in the conversations. We’ve just been chatting about stuff we enjoy and have in common. “Well, to be honest I think it’s more impressive that you could… blah blah” and saying that I have “pro skills” is the most flirty he has been.

- He hasn’t said anything that makes it seem like he fancies me or finds me attractive.

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7 Answers

chyna's avatar

Typing for 3 hours has to be exhausting. Why don’t you go to the next level and ask him to call you. Yes, I think he likes you.

zenvelo's avatar

He is interested in you. Have any of your conversations been about your relationship status? Does he know you are available?

I agree with @chyna – time to step it up a bit. Ask him for his email address and write him a long note, or set up a phone call.

hearkat's avatar

Someone taking the initiative to communicate with you show some degree of interest – but only that person can tell you what their interest in you is. Based on what you tell us in your details, I would say the odds are that he is interested in you, but is not comfortable with the interactions. I have always found shy guys to be more attractive and sincere than the ones who seem so smooth and suave.

I don’t see a problem with typing, as long as you both are comfortable with it. Some people, usually introverts, prefer to communicate this way than by speaking. My fiancĂ© and I are like that, and when we first became friends and then romantic, we still communicated mostly by text and email.

Since he does seem introverted and/or shy, you may need to drop some less than subtle hints, and even take some initiative in moving this forward. For example, I shared information about a special museum exhibit and when he said he’d like to see it, I suggested that we meet up and see it together.

marinelife's avatar

I do think he is interested.

janbb's avatar

Sounds like he is and talking about mutual interests is a good way to start.

Beatrix's avatar


Okay I sent him a Facebook message and suggested a place we should meet up. It has been over 24 hours and he hasn’t replied.

It’s strange as before I sent that I was getting really strong vibes from him. He was initiating conversations with me more than ever and was chatting to me ¾+ hours a day. I wouldn’t have asked him out if I wasn’t sure he liked me.

He must not be as interested as I thought.

hearkat's avatar

@Beatrix – Or maybe he’s nervous or busy or who knows what. Give it time, go about your day, and don’t stress about it. If he takes you up on the offer, that’s cool; if he declines, the you have your answer and can move on.

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