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JK9497's avatar

What should I do about being a 'push over'?

Asked by JK9497 (65points) January 15th, 2014

My girlfriend and I were speaking about a situation happening with her best friend and well the whole “what would you do if a guy was talking shit about me” conversation came up. Well she gave me honest answers and yeah I wasn’t too happy to hear them, but it’s okay, because all that really matters to me is that she trusts me enough to open up to me like that.

Well my issue is, in middle school, I was the push over as it may seem. Letting people do what they want, talk shit, all that. Me, I wouldn’t respond, I would just sit quietly and just ignore them. I got bullied, emotionally, verbally, physically. It just so happens that now and days I really could give two shits about what people think about me, or if they say something, I just ignore them and walk away. My girlfriend does not exactly like this and I would like to change this because it makes me seem like a ‘push over’. Any ideas?
Yeah I think it’s a waste of time fighting or arguing with someone for something they said, but if it gets to the point where they touch her in any way, that’s where I don’t tolerate it. But the problem is I am only like 5’3. Most guys are way taller than me, stronger than me perhaps, this is another conversation that came up, and the result is me working out. I know that height or strength has nothing to do with it as long as you know what you’re doing, but what do you suggest I do to be able to not be “beaten” by someone taller or stronger in case it does engage in a fight?

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20 Answers

50ShadesOfNope's avatar

In my opinion, I don’t think you should have to “find a cure” to being a push over. Yeah I guess the stereotype is that all men should be all strong and fight and whatnot. But honestly, if that’s not you, you shouldn’t have to change. You were right to ignore your bullies (karma will get them in the end anyway) and I think you should do the same in this situation. Whatever you choose, I hope all goes well. :)

KNOWITALL's avatar

Take karate, it’s teaches you discipline and you’ll also have the confidence to get physical if it goes there. I believe everyone owes it to themselves to be able to feel comfortable that they can handle defending themselves. Also, if you’re a good smack talker, most people will back off, of course you may have to back that up eventually.

People like to bully smaller or weaker people, and I find it unacceptable. I’ve known some small people that could rock your world, so don’t think your size means you’ll lose.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

The martial arts idea is good, but it still has it’s limitations. My uncle taught me to fight, but he also taught me that even if you win the fight, it’s still going to hurt. Maybe develop the wit and sense of humor to deflect the bullies attention. It’s hard to be nasty when someone is making them laugh.

JimTurner's avatar

If this was 40 years ago I would tell you to ball up your fist aim for the face and hit as hard as you can. Problem solved nobody would ever bother you again. This scenario was common when I grew up and it worked like a charm.

However kids are crazy these days they carry knives and guns to school so it is wiser to use your brains not your brawn . Be smart and exercise your right to say NO.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

I am heavy these days, but I’m your height, and when I was younger I was a skinny girl. I had a fire inside, and when it was needed, people saw it.
Fearless is in the spirit, and the eyes, not the muscles. I never had to fight. ONCE I was involved in a fight, but I refused to respond. I had absolutely nothing against this girl. She was mad at me because she’d been lied to. There was a crowd there. She followed me after school, until we were around a corner. I was surrounded, and could not run. I got all Clint Eastwood. I would not throw a punch, but I stood defiantly in her face, and refused aloud. My two friends were hiding in the car lot across the street. I took a punch to the shoulder, one to the gut, one to my nose, which gushed blood. I only blinked on that one. I didn’t sway or wobble. I saw fear sweep across her face and fill her eyes like shower steam. She wanted out. More frightening than someone who can throw a punch is someone who can take your best punch.
You can take lessons to learn to protect yourself, it couldn’t hurt, but like I said, it’s something inside you that people can see. You don’t have that. That is fine.Most days between now and the day you are very old and expire, you will be okay without it. You were born a different type. It would take something extreme, such as long term brutal torture, to put that fire in the eyes of someone who does not come by it naturally.
Be you. If that doesn’t suit your little friend, then down the road, she will realize the sort of person she turned away from.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

Most people just stay away from people who try to bully or talk bad about them – that is the mature thing to do. But getting physically tormented is different. My husband was 5’ 7” and not very heavy, but he was fearless and could take down anybody and has done it. But he grew up on the wrong side of town and was no stranger to street fighting. However, my sons, who are 6-footers, are pretty much strangers to violence. The one has a bad temper, so when he has had enough, woe to the perpetrator. The other one, I can’t even imagine him physically attacking anyone.

I am a 5’ 3” girly-girl, and stood toe-to-toe with my husbands big, fat cousin when he insulted me once. And that cousin had fear in his eyes because he never saw anyone that mad before, I guess.

So what I am saying is that you can’t change who you are. Size doesn’t have a lot to do with it, some of the most vicious guys I’ve known were small. It might just not be in you, and that is okay. I think if you or your girl got into serious trouble, you might surprise yourself with what you are capable of.

creative1's avatar

The stronger and bigger person is able to get up and walk away with out confrontation. Don’t let anyone try to change who you are, you’re certainly not a pushover by any means. It means you have the ability not to sink to their level. Think about the most sucessful of men or women do they step forward and start a fight because someone says something they don’t like, nope they lift their head higher and let what ever it is drive them to succeed even more than.

Judi's avatar

If you cope by ignoring and it works for you then I’m not sure you should try to change your nature just to please a girl. That rarely works out in the end.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@JK9497 If all else fails, do the crazy eyes and say “you don’t want to go there with me, I black out when I get mad” hahahaha

JimTurner's avatar

@JK9497 You’re welcome. Good luck.

JK9497's avatar

@KNOWITALL Haha yeah I guess I’ll find out when something happens

DWW25921's avatar

Being a jerk takes practice for nicer people like you but it’s worth it in the long run. Start simple, use your middle finger more in traffic. Yell at random neighborhood children for minor irritating offenses. Swear mercilessly at telemarketers. Oh, the things I could teach you! I have to say though… People generally don’t mess with me…

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

@DWW25921, I’m not scared of you. Bring it on killer puss! I break middle fingers just to hear the snap.

DWW25921's avatar

@Jonesn4burgers We’ve already determined that I fear you in previous questions… I was talking to @JK9497 and gave some pretty darn good advice I think.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

I think together we just made the point. Talking smack doesn’t guarrantee the other will back down. Admit it, you and I make a good team, and you KNOW I really like you.

DWW25921's avatar

Fear breeds respect. It’s a natural phenomena. I could totally take you

LornaLove's avatar

Being the better person is dealing with things with a certain dignity. Also being ultra calm when someone is blowing their top, makes you look like a top dog and them look like an idiot.

Keen wit and clever retorts can also make irate people look like monkeys.

Does you girlfriend want to change you or does she want to protect you? That is important.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Watch this short video by Louis C K.
He is the better person while she is the jerk. “It’s time for me to put you in the cab now.”

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