General Question

jeremy0207's avatar

Help with a situation that has me thinking?

Asked by jeremy0207 (202points) January 22nd, 2014

Well let’s get right down to the point.
From what my mom has told me, I’ve had something called the herpes simplex virus (since I was younger). So as you may or not know, I get it, but not too often. This is a bit embarrassing for me to say but I need some urgent help, so I believe when I had it, I had oral sex with my wife (this happened maybe a couple of weeks back). Now she has noticed some bumps, or pimples on her vagina. Do you think I might have infected her? I just want to make sure, if I did, I need to be straight forward with her and tell her, because she’s scared of what it can be.

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33 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

Is this a serious question? Anyone who has herpes should have been coached long ago not to let an outbreak, or even a tingle that an outbreak is coming on, have contact with someone else, because they are likely contagious. You are supposed to even be careful not to autoinnoculate yourself, always being careful not to move it from your lip to your eye or some other part of your own body by washing hands and not touching your face.

Why both of you didn’t see a problem with having oral sex when you had an outbreak is beyond me. She can get it tested if she has only had the outbreak for a few days, otherwise the doctor will make an educated guess about what she has, and if he believes it is herpes he can give her medicine.

It might not be herpes. Women can get pimples on their vulva and all sorts of things.

BosM's avatar

The story is a bit strange. Your mother told you? Hmmm… if my mother told me that I would have done a lot of asking questions and research before having oral sex.

That aside the answer is yes. Read the article from WebMD, it gives you more information on how the disease can be acquired and transmitted to others.

livelaughlove21's avatar

You’re married, so you must be an adult, and your mom needed to tell you about this diagnosis? Have you never seen a doctor about it since you became an adult? How did you not realize you could pass the virus onto your wife if you gave her oral sex during an outbreak? Of course she may now be infected; you need to tell her so she can get to the doctor and find out for sure.


gailcalled's avatar

Why did you put “girlfriends” in your tags?

filmfann's avatar

You are married, and haven’t told your wife you have herpes?
She needs to know!

JLeslie's avatar

Good question @gailcalled. Something definitely doesn’t ring true on this Q.

jeremy0207's avatar

@JLeslie @livelaughlove21 @filmfann @gailcalled

Sorry to anyone I confused, she’s my girlfriend, not my wife. Sorry for the inconvenience.

But I don’t understand, whenever this happened to me, I would usually get told that it was that I was bitten by a bug or something. It’s strange because it would usually happen overnight too. Is it my fault for believing them though? (this is my family we’re talking about, and they have told me this since I first began asking about it).

JLeslie's avatar

Your family put other people at risk by not telling you to be careful. Didn’t they go over it in sex ed at school?

livelaughlove21's avatar

@jeremy0207 Please tell your girlfriend to see a doctor, and please learn from this. Go see a doctor and learn about the virus and what precautions you should be taking. Your family was definitely wrong for not telling you more about it, but now it’s time for you to become informed and take responsibility.

jeremy0207's avatar

@JLeslie Yes but since I was told it was probably only a bite from a bug, I didn’t worry too much about it. That it was because I ate candy or something that attracted the bug, that I should’ve brushed my teeth before going to sleep.

@livelaughlove21 I have told her, since she first noticed it, I told her my opinion on it, and she told me her opinion. I told her, well if you don’t feel as though you want to speak with anyone else about it, I believe you should go to the doctor. I want to go with her, to accompany her, and also because I want to see if I am the cause of this happening to her.

JLeslie's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I understand. Your family was wrong, not you, you didn’t know. This is one of the hazards of sex. Sex makes a lot of people sick. It sucks.

But, whenever you have anything not right, a sore, a cut, a cold, pain when you pee, all those things are signs you might be unhealthy and can pass whatever might be wring to someone else. We don’t know for sure what is wrong with your girlfriend. Even if she has herpes, she might have had it before she was with you. It’s hard to pinpoint herpes, but it sounds like it is possible you gave it to her. If she goes to a doctor he can diagnose it. If she chooses not to, then if she has the same thing reoccur again she can be pretty sure it is herpes. Herpes usually happens over and over in the same location. Some people only get the first outbreak an never again.

No matter what you both should read up about the virus. Google a little. The medicine does usually work very well, so that is a good reason to go to the doctor. Plus, if it isn’t herpes your girlfriend needs to know what is wrong.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@JLeslie I’m assuming you didn’t mean to say that to me.

jeremy0207's avatar

@JLeslie I understand. Even if it’s not completely my fault, I should have known. Right now I’m trying to convince her to go to the doctor. I am a little upset with this, because I want to go with her, so when we’re there, I can ask the doctor about my situation. Because I don’t want to tell my girlfriend, then she will freak out. Maybe it wasn’t me, there are many causes of vaginal bumps or pimples. Yet I know that I most likely did this to her. I just want to be sure. I know I should “man up” and just tell her already but understand I just want to know if I did this to her or not. But either I will be telling her about my herpes simplex.

JLeslie's avatar

@jeremy0207 How do you know yours is herpes simplex?

Seaofclouds's avatar

@jeremy0207 You need to go to the doctor and talk to them yourself about this. Ask your doctor about your history with this and go from there. Do you have lesions on your mouth? Do you have them anywhere else? Has a doctor ever tested them to confirm what the cause is? I understand your concern about your girlfriend and wanting her to go to the doctor to get checked, but you need to do the same thing for yourself. You are old enough to talk to the doctor about your concerns and get answers.

gailcalled's avatar

@jeremy0207: That it was because I ate candy or something that attracted the bug, that I should’ve brushed my teeth before going to sleep.

Surely you can’t believe that; if you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to connect to medical reality.

jeremy0207's avatar

@Seaofclouds I was thinking about doing this. Only because if she won’t go, then I have to go myself and try and see what I can find about all of this.

@JLeslie Well I did some research and found that it’s called herpes simplex virus. It only seems to appear on my lip, and nowhere else (in my case). I don’t seem to have any symptoms of anything else. From what I’ve found, it’s herpes simplex virus but I will goto the doctor for some more information on it. I want to make sure that I am not wrong.

Cupcake's avatar

Here is info about herpes tests (and different kinds of herpes, in general).

Do you have a driver’s license? A bus pas? Go make your own appointment with your doctor. Make sure you bring a copy of your insurance card. Talk to your doctor about your cold sores and ask whatever questions you have. Make sure you tell your doctor that you are engaging in oral sex.

She needs to do the same with her doctor.

Time to take care of your medical concerns. It’s called being responsible.

jeremy0207's avatar

@Cupcake I know, thank you

Cupcake's avatar

@jeremy0207 I thought I had herpes once when I was ~17 years old. I followed my advice to you above.

jeremy0207's avatar

@Cupcake Yeah? How did it go? (I know it’s personal business, you don’t have to tell me)

Cupcake's avatar

All clear. :)

I was very relieved I went.

JLeslie's avatar

@jeremy0207 The only accurate test is to test when you have the outbreak so they can culture it. They can do a blood test, and it might come back positive for herpes I or II, but a lot of people are positive and never even remember getting an outbreak, they have no idea they have it, they have no idea how they acquired it or when. The blood test will not prove what is on your lip is herpes, but it would be a good guess.

I personally wouldn’t bother to go to the doctor if I were you if you currently have no outbreak going on, but I am not a doctor. You already know the basics, you can give it to other people, and there is medicine for it. It is very dangerous to get it in your eye, if you ever start getting an outbreak near your eye it is an emergency.

Your girlfriend is a different story, because she needs to know what is wrong. It could be heroes or another STD or some other problem. If it is a pimple the doctor can pop it and it might help it heal.

JLeslie's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I failed to respond, yes, it was not supposed to be you. Sorry for the mistake, clicked on the wrong name.

janbb's avatar

You need to tell your girlfriend abut the herpes. She needs to talk to her doctor and you to yours.

funkdaddy's avatar

Haven’t seen mentioned that over 60% of the US adult population has herpes simplex, and probably closer to 80% of the world population. (wikipedia has an article)

So don’t feel bad, more people than not have the same issue, even if they don’t know it. Just get checked out and have your questions answered by a doctor.

JLeslie's avatar

@funkdaddy That was point, and why it is almost worthless to get the bloodtest.

Smitha's avatar

The first thing you need to do is, go to your doctor and get it tested. The doctor would conduct tests to diagnose Genital Herpes.. Also try talking to a certified STD counselor over the phone. 877–453-2960.
You will have to be honest with your girlfriend. Part of being in a relationship is honesty. In future when your partner gets pregnant or would be trying to get pregnant, genital herpes will be a major concern. Avoid sexual activities when you have sores on your genitals and also you need to talk to your doctor about taking medication to reduce the risk of transmission.
Check these articles for more information: Sexual Health and Genital Herpes

jeremy0207's avatar

@Smitha @JLeslie @funkdaddy @janbb @gailcalled @Seaofclouds @livelaughlove21 @filmfann @Cupcake

I want to thank everyone that helped me out with this situation.

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