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Mandeblind's avatar

Help with depression after rhinoplasty?

Asked by Mandeblind (420points) January 26th, 2014

I had a nose job done for aesthetic purposes last year and ever since the day after my surgery I’ve been depressed. One side of my nose collapsed, so my bridge looks too thin for my tip and there barely is any difference on my tip. I look uglier than before, well actually before I was considered as a “gorgeous” girl, “the prettiest” of high school. Now I have no pleasure in anything. I thought that the nosejob was going to make my life better (I did have a slightly big nose for my face I believe and used too much makeup to make up for it). I do not know what to do, I feel so helpless… Anyone have similar experiences? How can I heal from this trauma?

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13 Answers

Mandeblind's avatar

By the way, after my nose job, no men ever hit on me that I liked, I’ve been single, most of my friends stopped talking to me, etc.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Mandeblind You are so much more than just your nose. You are the sum of all of your parts, visual, your heart and your soul, and your personality. Is it possible you are pulling away from everyone because of your feelings about your nose? My nose has been broken twice and it wasn’t good looking to start, but I have no problem connecting with anyone. What makes me me is what’s inside of me, not what’s on my exterior. Just relax, let your confidence come back and don’t push too hard or too little.

JLeslie's avatar

@Mandeblind Does your mom agree the nose job was bad? Someone who will objectively tell you the truth?

Have a consultation with two more plastic surgeons who are known to be very good and see what they say about possibly redoing your nose. I had a laser treatment that I wish I never did. It was supposed to tighten and reduce wrinkles, and I feel it created more wrinkles, and more puffiness around my eyes. I generally am afraid of any surgeries or medical treatments, but decided to go for it, and now regret it. I spent about 6 months sort of obsessed about my face and I never in my life worried about my looks or my face before that. All of a sudden I understood better how people who are unhappy with their looks feel. After about 6 months I stopped worrying about it, but it still bothers me now and then.

My sister had a badly done first nose job and 15 years later finally had it redone. It is better now, but still she would have been better with her original nose in my opinion or if the first job had been done better. Her problems with her nose job were not the same as yours though.

Mandeblind's avatar

@JLeslie Yes…

What was wrong with your sisters?

JLeslie's avatar

Yes what?

My sister made her nose narrower and straighter, the method the doctor used to narrow her nose left bad scars on the sides of her nose. The next doctor years later said the work the first surgeon did was really bad. That he used a method that he never would have used. It’s difficult to do a second and third nose job though, because their is less structure and more scar tissue. You really need someone who knows what they are doing if you consider it.

My aunt had her nose done when she was in her 30’s. I like her old nose better, but it was on the larger side. Her new nose is very good, does not look like she had surgery, but her nostrils are uneven after the surgery. The uneveness bothered her for a while, but then she stopped worrying about it. No one would notice her nostrils are uneven in my opinion. She was more self critical than necessary.

A friend of mine had her breasts made bigger and the surgeon did them fairly uneven. I don’t know what he was thinking. He put more cc’s and that breast is much bigger. I don’t know if he confused the breasts, or just spaced out or what? She has become ok with them though, she isn’t having them redone.

I had another friend who lost 100 pounds and did the surgery where they remove the extra skin and she had her boobs lifted and she is extremely unhappy with the results, although in clothing she looks great. I don’t know if her expectations were unrealistic?

Anyway, dissappointments like this definitely happen. I know more people happy with their plastic surgery than unhappy, but unhappy isn’t extremely uncommon. Since people usually get plastic surgery to look better, and they believe it will make them also feel better aböut facing the world, having it not come out as planned can be a big dissappointment, and understandably the person can become depressed.

I don’t know how you look; if it is worse in your head than how others would see you. If you are prejecting insecurity and a lack of confidence, people definitely pick up on that. I know two women, one I knew since she was a young teen, who have fairly crooked faces and a significantly crooked mouth, and they both have friends and careers, and when they meet new people they are smiling and friendly and people respond to them, not the imperfection on their face.

Are there other things in your life that might be depressing? Sounds like you might be lnely, that is a big reason a lot of people get depressed. How old are you?

Mandeblind's avatar

@JLeslie My parents both think that my nose is very crooked and unbalanced after surgery. I saw 5 other doctors and they all said that I have collapsed mid-vault because cartilage wasn’t put after my nose was narrowed, so it collapsed.

My face is a little asymetrical as well, so my nose is too. I don’t have much problem with that,since it gives me a character. But the fact that every time I smile my bridge looks like a thin line and my tip looks huge makes me angry.

This summer I am getting a revision but I am very scared. As you said it is very difficult. It’s also difficult for me to trust a surgeon again. My main surgeon assured me that my bridge would be the same width, and after the surgery when I confronted him he was like “it’s now a ilttle bit narrower”. I was shocked. He even told me to go to a therapist, that I am sick and that he did a great job. Uh, sorry but 5 other doctors agree you ruined my face.

I’m 20… I care about looks a lot. Mainly because I want to have a nice face that I’d like without make-up. I am a boyish girl who has a baggy style and I love unique faces with small noses. Why can’t I be what I love? I also like people noticing me, complimenting me and approaching me. It did happen before, so I know how much I enjoy the feeling. It is something I can not lose. In this life we all want to be better maybe, and this is a way. Koreans get plastic surgery like crazy for similar reasons too. I don’t know… I just want to look good to myself. That’s it. (All this does not mean I am vain and I care only about looks. I have the mind of the enlightenment era, so I am not just about that.)

Other things in my life… I’ve always had problems with trusting people. I’ve been betrayed a lot and never really had a long lasting friend or boyfriend. I am not the typical party girl. I like to be by myself more than I like to be with people.

Judi's avatar

Are you in the US or somewhere else?

Judi's avatar

You mentioned Korea and got me confused. I was just wondering if there were different standards where you were.

anniereborn's avatar

“Why can’t I be what I love?”

You need to learn to do what is hard for so many of us. You need to learn to love who you already are. It’s totally fine to want to improve yourself. But if you can’t love who you already are, you will never be satisfied.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Mandeblind That is some amazing excellent advice. @anniereborn just gave you the key to loving life. Once you get comfortable in your own skin, you can do anything.

trailsillustrated's avatar

I had a nose job at 16 and they can take many many years to settle if your’e young. Your face grows until about 25. You can hassle to surgeon into fixing it. Have your mum go with you and be demanding. That’s what mine did and he fixed it.

JLeslie's avatar

@Mandeblind Ok, good, you are doing something to fix it. I completely understand why you are nervous. I have become a nervous wreck dealing with medical issues, because I have had bad medical advice and procedures go wrong, and I feel like I need to be on top of everything and question doctors. I hope you don’t get as far gone as me. Hopefully, if you have a good experience with the second surgery it will all be behind you.

Everyone is somewhat assymetrical, the girls I mentioned are extremely assymetrical and almost look like maybe they had had a stroke or some sort of nerve damage to their face. You do sound a little overfocused on your face, I have never heard someone say they want look good without make-up as a reason for surgery, especially a nose job, who didn’t have an acne problem. My family is full of nose jobs, my mom, sister, aunt, and also many friends of mine. In some cultures it is almost a right of passage. But, my advice is once you get this corrected, work on other aspects of your life. Your relationships, your career, things like that. It does sound like they botched your nose job, which I am empathetic towards, I feel for you, I am not questioning that the first surgeon messed it up, and it is completely reasonable that you are upset, but it sounds like it can be fixed and then move towards letting people know the beautiful person you are inside who draws people for what you are, not what you look like. When people tell me how helpful I was, or compliment something about me as a person, it makes me feel much better than being told I am pretty. I’m not saying how we look doesn’t affect us, but it affects things less than most young people think.

Trying to fix physical things that are not very bad sometimes is not worth the risk. Maybe you thought there was no risk? A lot of people don’t think about the risk of it coming out worse than before, or risks with surgery. Nose job has very little risk with the surgery itself. My husband is like that, he never thinks sonething will go wrong. Well, now he does after being married to me for so many years.

I wasn’t a party person in school, and I became quite depressed. People think drinking and doing risky things when we are young puts our lives at risk, but being on the outside socially is a risk in itself. Eventually, I found a group of friends who weren’t into drinking and drugging and it helped me out of my depression. I also went to therapy during that time, which was helpful to, but making the friendships helped the most. During my late teens and 20’s I began to not feel the peer pressure and was able to say no more easily and things got much much better.

If you remember update us after the surgery and tell us if you are happy with the results.

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