General Question

Whattodo's avatar

Can you help me with an awkward family situation?

Asked by Whattodo (101points) June 29th, 2008

My friend Rick is gay and his step-niece, Rebecca is a les. She and her partner want a baby and asked Rick’s partner, Jonathan, to be the sperm donor. Do we call him the father, the sperm donor or the step-uncle, or something else?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

14 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

I would just pretend that the donor was random. I don’t see a reason to call him anything.

savalski's avatar

I agree with johnpowell.

Upward's avatar

The child will eventually want to know who “dad” is…
I’d make sure the child knows the father, but not sure a title is necessary until the child is aware of who he is. If I was the child I’d want to call him dad after that.

Trustinglife's avatar

Why don’t you ask Rick and Jonathan what they want to be called? Why ask us?

cookieman's avatar

I agree with johnpowell.

Mangus's avatar

Yah. You should ask the people involved. The moms and Jonathan are the ones that are going to define what that relationship looks like going forward, and thus what, if any, titles will be used.

I’ve had two similar experiences with family. In one, the lesbian couple wanted to call my brother “uncle”, and that, combined with the level of attachment they kept implying, made my brother eventually decline. He wanted to be a donor, not an uncle. The other, the folks are all close, the donor provides childcare, and they are all friends, but there’s no title for the donor. He’s just “Jonathan”. :)

PupnTaco's avatar

“A les”?

jrpowell's avatar

I would like to add that I think the child should know where they came from. It is just that saying that “The sperm donor is coming over for dinner tonight” is kinda weird.

edit :: But it might make a fantastic name for a band..

Upward's avatar

@taco- “les” ... lesbo… Lesbian

PupnTaco's avatar

I know, it just sounded a little 1960. Like, “my brother-in-law is a Chinaman.”

syz's avatar

@PupnTaco, I found it rather jarring, too.

delirium's avatar

it was the article before it that bothered me, I must say. Akin to saying “A gay” or “A black man” or “A Jew”.

scamp's avatar

It’s up to Rebecca and her partner to decide how much or how little Jonathan will be in the life of the child, and what his tile will be. While they are at it, they could teach you what they would like you to call them rather than les. How is this an awkward family matter to you if they aren’t related to you?

Knotmyday's avatar

Maybe I’m missing the point of the question. Wouldn’t the baby already have two parents? Maybe they could refer to the donor as the “Deus ex machina.”

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther