Fell in love with a guy I met in Europe? What to do? (Long story)

I met him at our hostel whilst I was backpacking in Europe over a year ago. I’m from Australia, he is from Belgium both in our mid twenties. He and his two friends and myself and my two girlfriends would go out each night and see the beautiful city that is Budapest.

From only being slightly interested in the beginning, each night we became closer, having deep conversations for people that barely knew each other and I fell for him like in the typical travel romance stories. We spent the last night together, a pretty exceptional connection both emotionally and physically and we fell asleep with me on top of him hugging and remained like that until the morning. He was always a gentleman and always wanted to do things to make me happy.

He looked crestfallen when I was leaving and said he wanted to see me again. I doubted he’d actually contact me, as most guys wouldn’t so I tried not to get too upset over it. Later that evening he did message me however asking me to stay with him in Belgium and I was very happy when he did. I was already leaving my friends to travel alone and staying with him for a few days was an offer I couldn’t refuse.

The days I spent with him in his country were some of the best in my life and he expressed his time with me was some of the happiest he had been for a long time. We got along really well and domestically I could live with him no issues at all. He would ride his bike to the bakery each morning whilst I showered to buy pastries for breakfast. He said though that even though he wants one that his life is way too busy for a girlfriend and I got to see that for myself whilst staying there. Also one of his best friends who I had met in Budapest visited us each day and had been diagnosed with cancer that week. He was studying, in four bands and was starting a new job that week. I tried to give him as much space as he needed and be nonchalant about it but to be honest I would have been his girlfriend in a heartbeat if I lived in the country and he was less busy.

It came time for me to say goodbye and finish my trip. He spoke about wanting to visit Australia, that he’d always have time for me even though he is shocking at messaging not to take it personally. When I was standing outside the taxi ready to leave, he held my face like in the movies and looked me in the eye and said we will see each other again and kissed me good-bye. I felt okay until I got to the train station and it hit me. I then cried for about the next eight hours knowing I had met someone special and may never see them again. I was in Paris alone missing him.

I messaged him saying thank you for having me and I got a message back that was nice but didn’t go anywhere. He knew there was another guy (not my boyfriend who had told me to do whatever I want) waiting for me back home and I’d told my Dutch guy I wanted it to be him waiting for me instead.

I turned down the guy at homes offer of seeing each other again when I returned and I had strong feelings for my dutch guy. Since I returned we have spoken on and off but nowhere near as much as I would like and it’s been me making more effort than him. Just when I think he isn’t interested anymore, I posted on social media about going back to Europe and he messaged me straight away saying it was awhile away but that he would definitely want to see me again also asking how my love life was previous to this.

A month ago his best friend with cancer passed away. My friends and I were quite upset and decided to write a card to dutch guy and his other best friend saying we were thinking of them. I put in my own letter to dutch guy signing it off as…you will always be in my heart.

As soon as he had received it I received a message from him so happy about it, saying that he often thinks about our time together, that we were very lucky to meet each other and again he hopes to visit me in Australia.

We got speaking last night and he was very happy to hear from me, double messaging when I didn’t immediately respond which was not usual perhaps my letter made him realise something I don’t know. He said he is really happy we met on that crazy trip, that he still doesn’t understand how he deserved to get together with a sweet and beautiful creature like myself. That’s when I started crying. He was moved I’d sent him the letter and he said he felt like a dick because he could have done the same. Not sure what he meant by that? When he said I’m sure we will meet again I said well I better fill you in on something. He pressed me to tell him and that’s when I said I was planning on getting my EU Passport and applying next year for a grad job in Europe. This is something I have wanted to do for myself for a long time. He seemed quite happy about it and immediately suggested a place in Belgium which I don’t know to take as a subtle hint he wants me nearby. Don’t know how to read things due to cultural differences.

So finally here is my question…what to do? It’s so hard waiting around for something that may not happen or happens but turns sour when I get there. I miss him so much and I don’t know if I need to just be patient or if there is anything I can do to get some more effort happening from his behalf? Also why would my letter have made him feel like a dick? He obviously has some feelings for me I just don’t know if they are to the extent of what mine are. If he is going to be apart of my life over there it needs to be a two way street. I’ve been seeing other guys since I got back, none serious but can’t manage to move on even though I’ve tried.

Thank you greatly in advance and for taking the time to read this slab of text!