General Question

Mp123's avatar

Why can't one seem to forget about the past?

Asked by Mp123 (317points) January 29th, 2014

Remember the question I asked about the guy I was seeing?

Anyway, I had confronted him about some lies I catch him saying and there’s was a big cold between us.

I think it’s because he couldn’t fix his obvious lies and his big ego made him unable to talk to me( he switched the whole situation and he was mad at me in the end) which I call manipulation.

Or I think guys think ” Oh I already hit it so who cares” by hit it I mean had sex. But why do guys think this way ? They just want to hit a number of girls.

The thing is we were talking to each other but I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but we still end up having sex and the next day he said something like don’t tell your girl ( I was in shocked, my ego was slapped). I would of much rather him say; ” I didn’t enjoy it, go home.” But that’s what he said and my mind was on it for some time.

What I’m really asking is why do I still think about him 2 months later if:

1. I didn’t enjoy the sex.
2. He was an complete ass-hole for asking me not to tell my girl(Maybe he wants to keep his chances open with her).
3.I wasn’t sure if I was feeling him or not.

Like why do I still want his friendship :( ?

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13 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

Live and learn… Be friends first and screen the next boyfriend first next time.

creative1's avatar

You don’t need him and your bigger than that, just walk away you don’t need him. There are plenty of men out there that aren’t just looking to get you in bed.

I think your feelings have more to do with how your feeling rather than anything to have to do with this guy. Maybe you should explore your feelings about yourself, have you ever though of seeing a therapist? Exploring why you are feeling the way you do and keep bringing up this guy that was so insignificant in your life might help you be more ready for when the right guy comes along because clearly this on was the wrong one.

talljasperman's avatar

@creative1 So the relationship can be viewed as practice?

josie's avatar

One can, of course, forget about the past.

But these days, one seems to have a tendency to recycle the past (The president seems to have this problem)

It isn’t healthy. The past is not really real, any more than a memory has a concrete representation outside of the mind.

The problem is a lack of emotional maturity and discipline, if I can say it.

Buttonstc's avatar

Generally speaking, women are more invested emotionally in sexual encounters and view them as the beginning of a wonderful relationship, etc etc.

Men don’t have as much difficulty with separating sex and love and compartmentalizing the two.

As you mature, you’ll begin to get sick and tired of being used and hurt by this and begin holding the guys you date to a higher standard.

In other words, the relationship develops first before the sex. You won’t be as easy to “hit”. And they will respect you more and pass you by and go on to the next easy lay (since that’s basically what they’re looking for anyhow.)

This weeds out the opportunists and allows you to connect with the quality guys who are looking for a relationship rather than just quick sex.

Use the pain you’re feeling now from this memory as a lesson of what to avoid in the future.

janbb's avatar

Oy am I confused!

DWW25921's avatar

It seems to me all you feel you need from this guy is closure. Some sort of regret at least if not an apology. That’s not going to happen. The only thing you can really do now is forgive him. Not for him of course, do it for you. Just decide in your mind that the situation is resolved. I know that’s harder to do than it sounds and it may take time but it may result in the closure you seek. I need to take my own advice on a few issues… I can give it but can I do it? I know it’s the right thing to do but it’s hard.

kritiper's avatar

Maybe this will help.
Women seek security in a partner, men seek sex. If they didn’t, there would be no relationships.
Women like to pair off with men; one man with one woman. Sex is secondary, if that.
Men seem to have a harem mentality. And they don’t want to lose a member of their harem to any other man, ever. This insures that they can get sex whenever they want it, no matter what she looks like if he’s hard up enough. So men lie about what they want so they won’t lose the opportunity to have sex. They don’t want to pair off! They are psychologically driven to maintain the harem!
This seems to be what is going on with you and the guy you speak of. He wants an easy score and you provide that.
Want to know how he really feels? Cut him off!

Mp123's avatar

@DWW25921 you’re so right. At first it felt like I wanted revenge but I didn’t want to feel that way. Thank you !

Cyri's avatar

Yes, this Boy ‘friend’ was practise. You probably learnt a lot from this experience, and it’s ok to think about him as it helps to purge the ‘hangover’. If you are thinking of him still, maybe he had some good attributes that you liked, however, overall, I’d recommend that you don’t bother investing anymore time with him, it sounds like too much work and stress for you! There are men out there that DO want a relationship and kids (maybe not straight away of course!) but you may have to deal with a few ‘practise’ boyfriends before you meet him. Sometimes writing a list of pros and cons helps put things into perspective. Hope this helps!

Mp123's avatar

@Cyri , yea you’re right :/ thank you! I personally want to get over it. It’s my mind the problem-_-”

kritiper's avatar

Give your forgetting at least 6 months; you’ll fell better then.

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