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Juliasmile's avatar

How do I handle a co-worker who lies about me?

Asked by Juliasmile (367points) February 26th, 2014

My other co-workers believe her. I can’t go to my boss because they are buddies. Most my co-workers aren’t worth getting upset about but there are some that hurt me to the point of tears because I truly like them. How do I keep myself guarded against this happening? Mostly stop embarrassing myself with tearing up at work?

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12 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

The fact that it seems she is buddies with the boss puts you at a disadvantage. I am a firm believer if all else fails kill them with kindness and rise above their petty behavior. Doing so will demonstrate you have strength of character and can be counted on to be strong and dependable on the job.

Channel your inner Mama Bear to give you strength when in these people’s presence and count your blessings you are not as callus and mean spirited as them.

creative1's avatar

I find that the ones talking about people are the ones who are insecure and jealous of the people they are making fun of.

I find that by working the hardest, doing the most work, putting the most effort and time in, what will happen is your boss and your boss’ boss will see your the better worker in the end. I find its the best revenge is to move forward in your career faster than the jealous ones who have nothing better to do at work than to talk about people.

KNOWITALL's avatar

is it ppersonal or professional? Personal let it go, professional you should talk to your manager asap.

LornaLove's avatar

You are kind of powerless over what people say about you or what they think about you. Knowing why they do it might help you get through it. It is often insecurity that causes people to lie about other people. If it is a work related lie, then keep a detailed diary with dates and what was said.

Then you can approach your boss in a professional way and calm way and ask him to work with you to resolve it. He might feel spooked at the detailed notes and accounts that you have kept and if he has any sense will do just that. Also note in the diary which days you approach your boss (when you do and have gathered enough info’) and his responses.

yankeetooter's avatar

I wish I had some better advice for you…I almost walked out on my job the last time I had to deal with this sort of situation.

kritiper's avatar

Document everything. Inform your higher-ups.

Response moderated
susanc's avatar

cut her heart out.

ibstubro's avatar

There is no way we can answer this question without knowing the lies she’s telling. Either you’re sleeping with the boss, or you’re stealing staples.

You don’t have to be specific, but you have to designate degree. Petty, misdemeanor, felony.

Juliasmile's avatar

She has been telling people I’m two-faced and a backstabber. I work in a prison so trust is a must and paranoia is abound. My stance is to be nice to everyone I work with whether they are a boss or a newbie, and when I do not like someone I simply avoid them, never talking shit on them.
What ever task I am given I give it my all, recently I’ve been given more responsibilities that don’t (thank God) deal with inmates as much as administrative duties. I’ve been working this job for a good long time and I needed this break!
I understand after reading your comments that yes she is threatened by this move. She believes I’m investigating staff for dirty dealings. Not true. But there have been rumors for years she’s one of the worst. Not my concern since I’ve never witnessed any such thing from her. I only take people as I see them not what others say, so she was until recently, a friend.
The second part of the problem is something I’ve noticed just yesterday, the people who are believing her are the people who need constant approval, I’m already nice to them so they don’t need mine but they see now a way to get hers. She’s often nasty to people. Yesterday when I snubbed these people it was a different story, suddenly they were friendly again.
Once I noticed this I didn’t feel the sadness for my situation as much as with theirs. The tearing up stopped.
People are so incredibly complicated it boggles my mind.
I’ve decided to smile, hold my head up, and talk and joke with those who talk and joke with me. It’s all good, or at least getting better, and I’m glad I had you all to make me see these thing. Thanks much!!

ibstubro's avatar

I think the biggest problem here is that some people just like drama. If what you say is true (and I have no reason not to believe it), then the people probably know she’s telling tales, but they just can’t resist being pulled into the drama. To some extent it’s like a real-life reality TV show.

I’m glad you’re doing better, and have given yourself a little perspective on the situation. I think you have the perfect plan. People can be like dogs, and smell weakness. Don’t show yours. :)

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