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Berserker's avatar

If insurance for demonic possession existed, what would it cover?

Asked by Berserker (33475points) March 22nd, 2014

Just a question for fun. Say demons and ghosts were real, and there was a chance you, a loved one, or your household, might become possessed. They now have insurance for this. But how would it work?
Would you be compensated for the loss of material goods? Say all your clocks started spinning really fast counterclockwise and got broken, or all your dishes flew out the cupboards and broke against the walls. Would they be replaced?
If you head spun around all the way backwards and you threw up, or if you got all folded up in insane ways and started singing Avé Maria backwards at the top of your lungs for six hours, would the insurance cover the medical bills?
Or perhaps if you paid some priests to perform exorcisms and retrieve your soul, the insurance would pay you back a certain percentage of those fees.

Would they have special packages? Say a set of insurances that cover all types of common ghost possessions, or a more expensive set, yet more efficient, for demons that come to torment you? There could be some mix ups and general questions…can I use my demonic possession plan to deal with ghosts? I’m PAYING, aren’t I? If a demon raises the dead and zombies come after you, does your insurance not cover this, because technically, it’s not possession?

What about the different types of demons? You might have to have a much better insurance plan to deal with Yosoggorth than you would with Ar’ Fedpruthrx. What if the Devil Himself comes to possess you? Some insurance plans might work, others not.

And who would provide such services? Your local church? Ghosbusters?

Just for fun yo. :) This is based from a dream I had hahaha.

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29 Answers

dappled_leaves's avatar

Dry cleaning is the first thing that springs to mind.

Coloma's avatar

Well…being the waterfowl fancier here I would open a company called “Goosebusters” to rid your domain of the ghosts of geese past, goose gremlins and ducky demons.

Berserker's avatar

@Coloma Lol, nice. Goosebusters, love that haha.

Coloma's avatar

You’re pate now honky!

Strauss's avatar

I think there would have to be a liability policy available, to keep you from being sued for any damage the demon might do while using your body (including trespass, criminal mischief, etc.)

Berserker's avatar

@Yetanotheruser Good point. I’d hate to have to pay restitution because I unknowingly fed someone’s kids to Cthulhu.

ragingloli's avatar

I do not know, but speaking of exorcism, they will make a remake of “the Exorcist”.
In this version, the devil will try to take the priest out of the child.

Berserker's avatar

Are they really making a remake of that?

ragingloli's avatar

I hope not. Remakes tend to be absolutely terrible. Total Recall, Robocop, the emmerich godzilla, man of steel, jar jar trek, the star wars prequels

Berserker's avatar

Oh no not Total Recall, that remake really did suck.

ucme's avatar

A crucifix that may have been inserted rather haphazardly into the possessed’s vagina, there’s only so much grime that will buff out.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Well, you could always add all kinds of riders to that policy.

zenvelo's avatar

I’m not sure about he policy, I’d be more concerned about anyone who was a claims adjustor.

talljasperman's avatar

We need insurance for insurance salesmen.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Symbeline I might be looking for you to give me some coverage. Friday night I had to stay late for a client. It was after 5:00, the building was deserted and all the staff had left. My client came, we got our business done and he left. I shut the office and headed out my door and down the hallway. I hadn’t taken three steps when I heard a sound like an extremely heavy cart being wheeled down the hallway on the floor above me. it followed me all the way up the hall. But the floor above me is deserted. There’s nothing up there. Wanna cover that?

Berserker's avatar

Well this phantom cart didn’t do any damage, did it? But yeah, that seems creepy…didn’t want to go up there and check? (although my guess is it’s off limits if it’s out of service, either way not that I blame you)

dxs's avatar

Well the insurance on mansions would be through the victorian roof.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Symbeline I can go up the fire exits on Monday. It has been empty the other times I ventured up. I like exploring the deserted areas. Friday I was tired, it was late in the day and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Berserker's avatar

Friday I was tired, it was late in the day and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Haha yeah, it’s weekend time, seeyou next week, ghost! XD Ever hear any particular ghost stories about that place, or anything that might have ever went on on that floor?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I told you about the really loud footsteps up there. I’ll see if there’s any documented stuff.

Berserker's avatar

Yeah, I remember those.

mazingerz88's avatar

Physical therapy after a…successful exorcism. Hopefully.

herculies's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe OMG The creepy thing with the cart happened to me!

Except I was on a flight to L.A.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@herculies It was creepy. I got out of there. On a plane would be worse. You aren’t going anywhere.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Turns out there are some news articles. Search Eaton Center ghosts. And I went up to the fourth floor, it’s still vacant with no signs of any recent activity. And there are a couple of floor rugs in the hallway over the tile. I didn’t notice any change in the sound.

herculies's avatar

A delicious story, I might travel there one day. I read every issue of Wierd NJ and have taken many daytrips in the articles.

talljasperman's avatar

The exorcism… I’ve had two exorcisms done on myself from a Baptist pastor… I won, he quit.

herculies's avatar

@talljasperman I’ve had a circumcision. Almost the same.

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