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trudacia's avatar

How do I deal with a friend stealing money from another friend?

Asked by trudacia (2508points) July 1st, 2008 from iPhone

I caught him! I tend to mind my business but I dead saw my friend take money that did not belong to him and it wasn’t an accident.

Here’s the scenario… At a friends house drinking and just playing poker. We order food, all chip in and pay the delivery guy. My drunk friend threw in a $50 cause it’s all she had (expecting change even in her drunken state). So we pay for the pizza and her change sits on a counter for awhile. It’s then that I see a mutual friend pocket a $20. I know he’s down and out..but still!? Do I cause a crazy amount of trouble or just mind my business? I should add that the thief is very close to my friend and I’m not even sure that she would believe me over him.

I must stress that this was definitely shady, he did NOT take the money by accident. I don’t even think he threw in money for the food.

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21 Answers

lefteh's avatar

I don’t know if this is the most morally correct answer of all time, but I’ll just say that in your position, I probably would not say anything. I wouldn’t want to start anything, especially in case I somehow made a mistake and the act was not malicious.

marinelife's avatar

I would say something to the thief that allows him to save face, even if you know he meant to take it. Something like, “Hey, Tack, it was sweet of you to pick up Alexandra’s $20 change for her. I think she might have forgotten and been really bummed out later. I told her that you had it.”

makemo's avatar

I think you should throw in another $20 to cover up for his misdeed. Then go and have a serious one on one talk with the thief.

No. What a messed up answer. That was joking.

Perhaps being prepared with a camera next time would be a good thing, documenting it and showing the victim. Otherwise, you will be the one, bothering about this, and you’re not even directly involved.

Magnus's avatar

Two words; Death-Cage.

A duel to the death settles anything.

buster's avatar

If you really are a friend you need to say something. My friends better tell me if someone is pocketing my dough. A friend wouldn’t sit and do nothing. Take action even if it pisses someone off. Even if noone believes you at least you can sleep knowing you did the right thing.

jrpowell's avatar

I am normally confrontational in these situations. If I was you I wouldn’t say anything but I would take note of the persons behavior.

I should add that the thief is very close to my friend and I’m not even sure that she would believe me over him.

That is the line that makes me think it might be best to keep quiet.

Randy's avatar

Keep quiet to the friend that had the money stolen. I would totally confront the thief though. If he thinks he got away with it, what’s to stop him from stealing again?

makemo's avatar

Again, a simple camera with video recording functionality would close the discussion.

Or am I too overkill here?

jrpowell's avatar

@makemo
I have a better chance of catching my roommate masturbating with a hidden cam than they do catching the person stealing money again.

Overkill. It probably won’t happen again anytime soon.

bunkin's avatar

Leave it alone… If it dont concern you… Leave it alone.

makemo's avatar

I might add that I wasn’t thinking of Ingmar Bergman style, sitting on a director’s chair documenting it all. But rather, a mobile phone camera, pretenting to talk to someone.

bulbatron9's avatar

I would have called the thief out as soon as I saw him take the money! It ain’t $#!+ for me to cause a scene! I’m very protective of my friends, and I try to always look out for their best intrests!

MissAnthrope's avatar

First off, that’s just way shady and I wouldn’t ever want to hang out with the guy again. If he’s stealing from his good friend, I can’t imagine what he’d take from me! Plus, I have this weird inner moral compass, where it would bug me so much that I wouldn’t be able to ignore it, I’d have to do something. I think I would confront the thief, telling him, “If you don’t tell her, I will.”

ninjaxmarc's avatar

Don’t worry karma will get him.

Dog's avatar

First off- had I seen this as you have I would not again refer to this person as a “friend.”

Secondly I would let the victim know and if she did not believe me I would no longer consider her a friend either.
Friends watch each other’s backs.

thebeadholder's avatar

Is she wondering about her money? Did she say something? If no, stay out of it. I am someone who has put myself in the middle of many situations with good intentions, only to have them come back and bite me on the arse (friendships ended). With drinking involved, she may have chalked it up to being drunk. If you decide to hang out with him again, keep your wallet/purse close.

fabulous's avatar

@buster i totally agree honesty is the best policy. I would really like to be told if it happened to me.

bridold's avatar

I would probably say something like, “Did you seriously just steal her money?” That way I can make it sound like i’m joking and give them the chance to put it back and claim they were kidding, too. If they don’t put it back, then I’d say tell your friend that it got stolen from.

XrayGirl's avatar

I would talk to the thief and see how that went before I made a decision to talk to the victim.

TaoSan's avatar

yikes, I’m not touching that one…....

edbelsey's avatar

Maybe talking to your friend who had the money stolen in a hypothetical way saying it happened to somebody and should you tell them. If she says ‘If it was me, I would want to know’ then tell her if not keep quite. at least that way you know you are doing what she would want you to do and you cant be blamed for anything

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