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laura98's avatar

Should I say yes?

Asked by laura98 (191points) April 11th, 2014

Okay, so in one of my previous questions I talked about my math troubles. Well, my dad is a deacon and one of the sextons at my church ( the one I mentioned in my earlier questions) is a genius at math and he lives in my neighborhood. My dad suggested that he ask him to help tutor me and that he would pay him, etc. Should I say yes to my dad’s idea because I really like the kid and it would be a good way to get to know him better.

However, I’m conflicted because he would eventually see how horrible I am at math and it would be kind of embarrassing. I just feel like it could end badly. What do you think I should do?

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14 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Hey if you need help get it where you can.

CWOTUS's avatar

I haven’t seen any earlier questions from you that I recall, so I’m blind as to any foreground information that you expect respondents to have.

But the answer to this question depends more on whether you truly want help with your math studies, which it seems evident that you do need, or if you’d prefer to trick your dad into paying a boy to sit with you so that you could possibly distract the boy from how much you need his help in math by maybe flirting with him, thereby proving your superiority to not just one but two men at one time. Neat trick, if you can pull it off, but it won’t last long. Before too long they would both realize that they had been played for fools.

You should say no to your dad’s idea because you look at this as an avenue “to get to know [the boy] better”. You should probably, in addition to mentioning to your dad that you even have such an idea, ask him to find you an unpopular girl to help tutor you (really) so that you could actually concentrate on the studying and less on the romantic aspects of the whole thing (including worrying whether or not the tutor knows you’re bad at math).

I’m actually trying to be helpful here: Your instinct to look for the romantic angles in tutoring (and “how can I hide my need for tutoring in the first place from the tutor?”) makes it pretty clear to me why you’re having such difficulty in class. You can do it, but your mind is elsewhere.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Don’t say yes. You’ll be terribly distracted, yes, but worse, you’ll connect any successes you have at math with the boy that you have a crush on. What happens if the boy says something that hurts your feelings? How would that affect your ability to do the math? Every time you had to use some trick that he taught you, you’d feel terrible. It’s a recipe for disaster.

My advice is to keep the math issue separate from the boy issue. But it’s great that your dad is offering money for a new tutor! Find a tutor who you can have a purely professional relationship with. It will keep you focused.

Mimishu1995's avatar

However, I’m conflicted because he would eventually see how horrible I am at math and it would be kind of embarrassing.

What the hell do you need him for in the first place? Let him teach you, or impress him?

If you want to impress him, why do you need him to teach you?

Be true to yourself. He needs to know how bad you really are, so that he can design a suitable teaching program for you! That’s what he, as a tutor, is for! Don’t hide your ignorance, or it will turn to harm you!

I agree with @CWOTUS, although I don’t see anything wrong with developing romantic relationship with him. You can get to know him better, anything you want, as long as you don’t let it distract you from your learning. Perhaps after your math improve, you will get a good friend too :)

I’m sure he won’t laugh or sneer at you for being so bad, because if he does, then why does he come and teach you in the first place?

So, you can say yes, after you pull yourself together and say: “OK! I’m willing to improve my math! I’m not going to let my personal emotion toward my “tutor” distract me!”

gailcalled's avatar

In addition to @CWOTUSs excellent points, I’d like to add that being a mathematical genius does not mean that one is a good tutor. A tutor is trained to deal tactfully with his tutee’s weaknesses. That’ s his or her job description.

I could tutor you in Algebra II, because I understand the subject matter.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

If you are there for him to teach you math, and your math gets better, how can that turn out badly?

Dog's avatar

Has it occurred to you that this boy, rather than seeing you as inept, could see you as a person he can help?

When we first met,my spouse taught me higher math to get through a college course. It was both a confidence building and bonding experience.

Smitha's avatar

You need help with math and there is someone now ready to help you out, so for your own sake, focus on that. If you really want to get to know him, try to talk to him outside of tutoring.

whitenoise's avatar

Asking and accepting help is one of the most important skills in life.

In general, people like to help. That’s one of the driving thoughts behind fluther, for instance!

JLeslie's avatar

If you like him, this is a chance to spend time with him. Sounds good to me. If you are very reluctant then just ask your dad to hire a different tutor. If he asks why you can just say you feel uncomfortable with being tutored by someone who lives in the neighborhood.

LostInParadise's avatar

Why do you assume that he will lose interest in you because you are having trouble with math? That is the very reason for tutoring you. If you are able to keep from being distracted and concentrate on the math, it will boost his ego to see how well you are progressing. You could end up both improving your grades and getting to go out with the guy. I say go for it.

JLeslie's avatar

This Q has me thinking and you know what I love about this question? I have heard so many times that women feel they still have to play a little dumber than the guy for the man to be interested. Here is someone who feels it might make him less interested. My experience is men don’t care about a single subject, they look at personality and like when a woman is interesting and interested. Most people like to teach, so he might very well enjoy helping.

LostInParadise's avatar

A piece of advice. If this guy or someone else tutors you, absolutely do not be ashamed to show that you do not understand something. I do some online math tutoring. I look at it as a collaborative effort. I never judge anyone by how much or how little they know, only by whether they are willing to do put in some work. In particular, I expect to be told if they do not understand something that I said. In general, I appreciate it when the student asks questions about anything that I did.

CWOTUS's avatar

In case there was any misunderstanding from my first response, I also agree with others that there is nothing wrong with girls being romantically interested in boys, or vice versa, or all kinds of other combinations of romantic interest, too. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But you need to be able to compartmentalize things. When you’re in school, in class, in a tutor / student relationship, you need to “do the work” and you can only do the work by concentrating on it. If you’re hung up on the teacher / tutor, then that “professional” relationship isn’t going to work.

By all means get to know the boy better if he appeals to you and he returns your interest. But either find another tutor, or find a way to separate your personal interest from your academic needs if he should become your tutor. And don’t even consider asking your dad to pay him as a tutor if your mind is thinking along the lines of “How can I get him to notice my sex appeal and forget about how bad I am at math?”

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