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XOIIO's avatar

I don't know, is this being unreasonable or does it make sense to you? (Ranty/long post)

Asked by XOIIO (18118points) April 17th, 2014

Alright, this will probably be a bit rant-y, but whatever.

Anyways, my mother usually doesn’t do much for birthdays, maybe $20 of trinkets or what have you from princess auto (I don’t know if you guys have that in the states), I don’t really expect much.

Anyways, I guess since I turned 20 (whatever the big difference between this year and last year is), she decided to spend a lot, paying off the SGI bills that I have from some [edited]not slowing down when the light had been red (long annoying story). Anyways it was $2000 or so, I was making $50 a month payments, so it would be another couple years, but thing is I was used to that. I’m not sure why she bothered to spend that much this time, some sort of “ooh you’re 20 new start stuff”.

Anyways, I am grateful, but I view things in just plain practical terms, the money itself would have been a lot more useful. With that I could have A) bought a new hard drive for the laptop I’m waiting to get one for, since my other one just crapped out today, I’m stuck without one, B) build a new desktop computer, better than this crappy old core 2 quad that sucks at running any remotely new games, and freezes at least once a day for no [edited]reason (Can’t fix it no matter what I try, and once a day is if I’m lucky to get that few, and that means I have to use a less powerful laptop for file recovery which takes considerably longer if I do get work), and C) also still been able to put $1000, maybe a bit less, maybe more, towards the stupid SGI payments.

To me it just seems that the money would have been a lot more useful, even just the half of it for a new hard drive or making a non-[edited]desktop would have made me happy. Hell I was just looking forward to the hard drive that way I could get a laptop up and running again. I am not expressive about getting stuff, I don’t really react in much of a way aside from “thanks” or “thank you” (and I have been up for over 20 hours now), so I pretty much explained when she sort of complained about my lack of reaction that that would have been much more valuable to me. Having some better stuff now just seems a lot more valuable than having to not pay $50 a month for the next couple years since I am used to it, and the computers would be something tactile, something that I could make use of now.

I don’t know, is this unreasonable of me? It makes perfect sense to me, but than again I am somewhat messed up I guess, I was actually disappointing with this and not getting an $80 hard drive instead.

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21 Answers

El_Cadejo's avatar

I’m often similar to you in this sense. You just need to remind yourself that your mom didn’t know how much more “valuable” these other things would have been to you and she was only trying to do her best to help you out.

stanleybmanly's avatar

It’s unreasonable beyond belief! Your mother has eliminated a debt that you stupidly or negligently incurred. And she did so to the tune of $2000. You must be really spoiled. The time will come if you’re lucky when you will appreciate what your mom did. Now that you’re 20, I’d like to remind of something my dad told me when I was a kid. This is for when you are considering whether or not to be a parent. Here it goes. “Children are God’s punishment for how you treated your parents”

XOIIO's avatar

@stanleybmanly You sure do make a lot of assumptions in your post.

And considering wether or not to be a parent, yeah I decided no to that a loooong time ago.

I never asked for her to do this, she did not need to, and I would have been happy with far less. Don’t assume I am spoiled because some other human being who is completely independent from me decided to do something so out of character.

Cruiser's avatar

When you have debts…they should take priority over your entire wish list. IMO that is the way debts should be prioritized. If you feel there are other entities that will further your quest towards your goals then you either need to lighten your debt load or create a business plan that is explicit towards how you intend on achieving your goals with the current debt you already have and new purchases you feel will exponentially allow you to both achieve your goals and pay off your old debt with interest. From what I see you have failed to anything but express your entitlement to sponging off your mom. IMO time to put on your big boy pants and take responsibility for what you desire and give your mom a much needed break by paying her back.

talljasperman's avatar

I read this twice and I don’t know what the question is? My guess is that you didn’t want your mom to pay your fines and give you money for a laptop instead? Life doesn’t work logically on demand on will. I would thank your mom and never get another fine by being a better driver. It would be a shame if you got your self killed… and we never heard from you again.

XOIIO's avatar

@Cruiser / @talljasperman

That is what I have been doing, having basically nothing that people would consider pleasure items, and basically spending nothing on stuff I want so I can pay bills.

Not money for a new laptop, just a fraction of the amount that she would have given so that I could fix one I have been grabbing parts for for quite some time now. Besides, if I had that, or potentially a new desktop I could use that for work, doing file recovery on a desktop that freezes randomly is impossible, and on a weak laptop, it takes ages, making people less happy with the time it takes.

Once again I never asked for this much, or anything, I did not sponge this off her. I don’t know why she bothered to spend this much on me when she is usually a much harsher person, in terms of, well, everything.

CWOTUS's avatar

You got the money, and a lot more than you could have been expecting. Consider the expression “It’s not the gift that counts, but the thought behind it.” In this case it was a very nice gift in itself, and it is a good thought for you to “start over with a clean slate”, debt-wise.

Thank her properly.

Yes, every single act performed by every single human could be “better”, and if you judge every act done in your behalf by how much better it could have been if this… and this… and this were done instead of that or the other thing, then you can’t possibly be happy. Ever.

Happiness is a choice. I would urge you as an old man to a young one, to learn to make the choice to be happy.

Now thank your mother. And be happy. It will make her happy, too, you know.

Cruiser's avatar

@XOIIO you are looking a gift horse in the mouth….count this as a blessing and use your own funds to finance what it is you feel you need to move forward and do give your mom a big ol’ hug to show her how much you appreciate her loving generosity for what she did for you.

El_Cadejo's avatar

@XOIIO Think about it this way, since you aren’t paying the $50 a month anymore you can now put that money toward getting the new HDD or desktop you want.

stanleybmanly's avatar

@XOIIO Okay My reaction was harsh and less than tactful but I REALLY was upset that you do not appreciate the magnitude of your mom’s generosity, nor the good sense involved with eliminating your debt. If you believe your mom’s judgement defective, then by all means, buy the things you need on 50 bucks a month with the credit your mom freed up.

FlyingWolf's avatar

Yes, you are being unreasonable.Your mother did something indredibly thoughtful for you. My guess is that she picked that debt because she saw it as the most pressing of your expenses. It was a very kind gesture and instead of complaining take a minute to understand that you are in the same position financially as you were the day before yesterday except now you don’t have to shell out $50 a month. If the new laptop is so much less than what she paid, put that $50 away every month you’ll be able to buy the new laptop long before you would have had the debt paid.

FYI, it does not really matter that you didn’t ask for her to do this, it was a gift. Smile, say thank you, and let your mom know you appreciate her generosity.

P.S. @stanleybmanly I was with you all the way in that first post and I didn’t think the comment about being spoiled was off base, it was one of my first thoughts too.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Your mom paid off $2000 of your debt and you’re disappointed. Considering your reaction, I’d say your mom shouldn’t have given you anything at all. Be thankful for the gift you probably didn’t deserve instead of acting like a spoiled brat. If the hard drive is only $80, you should be able to afford it now that you’ve got an extra $50/month.

fluthernutter's avatar

If you had asked her for something specific and she had decided to give you this instead, I could sort of understand (even if that is still kind of ungrateful). But seeing as how you weren’t expecting anything, you should just appreciate the gesture.

Maybe it’s the age difference? But having good credit is not a little thing. And the thought of a clean slate is really sweet.

Stop being a sour puss about the hard drive. You can save for that yourself (with the money freed up). Give your mom a call—or better yet, a hug if she lives close by.

dappled_leaves's avatar

You can’t help feeling the way you do – you wanted some stuff, you got different stuff. That can suck. But when someone chooses to do something nice for us, we don’t get to decide the terms. And whether or not you are happy with the thing she gave you, she did it because she cares about you. You need to put aside your feelings of “But I WANTED!” and be grateful that she cares and that she did something that shows that she cares. You will just have to get the things you wanted under your own steam, like the rest of us poor slobs who don’t have moms to provide them at our whims.

Just remember this the next time you’re in a position to give someone else a gift – that they’ll want you to give them something that they will appreciate, regardless of what you think is best for them. And then either get them the thing they would want, or learn to understand your mom’s actions a bit better.

rojo's avatar

It is a gift. Accept it, be grateful and try to be thankful. Remember You Can’t Always Get what you want

filmfann's avatar

She gave you life, and she raised you. She bathed you, and changed you. She taught you to speak, and how to behave. Anything beyond that is excessive. Be grateful and undemanding.

Judi's avatar

You’re out of debt. That’s a huge gift. Put that $50 aside since you’re used to it and save for your computer stuff.

canidmajor's avatar

How very blessed you are that this is what you complain about. Yes, you are being unreasonable. You are more likely to get the reaction you want from your peers in person, as they are probably more of a like mind with you. That’s why you hang out with them.

Smitha's avatar

First of all your mom doesn’t know what to get you and maybe she thinks you think paying off debts would be the best gift you could get. Appreciate what you have, or you can’t have anything at all. If you need something that bad, you can buy it yourself by getting a job.Your mom gave you life Smile and say thanks, you’ll be glad you did that!

GloPro's avatar

Since when is it appropriate to look a gift horse in the mouth? You need to choose your attitude and be grateful for whatever gift your mother bestows you, whether it is a $10 trinket or a very very generous paying off of one of your debts. You sound spoiled even asking this question.
Happy Birthday!

jca's avatar

Just be happy and grateful. She probably thought about what she thought would be a nice gift and she acted on her idea.

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