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soundedfury's avatar

Can you get better at achieving orgasm with a partner by practicing alone?

Asked by soundedfury (2538points) July 3rd, 2008

Really more of a question for the women of Fluther, during a recent discussion about self-pleasure there arose a split between those who thought that masturbation would increase your ability to orgasm with your partner (more in touch with your body) and those who thought it would decrease it (more accustomed to a specific path to orgasm).

Are there any relevant sexuality studies or theories that discuss this? What about your opinion and experience? Can you get better acheiving orgasm with a partner the same way you get better at playing a piano – practice?

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20 Answers

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baseballnut's avatar

I think practice makes perfect! The intensity and character are different for me when I’m with a partner or not but I think it makes a big difference. I have a GF who couldn’t have an orgasm with a man until she started masturbating regularlly and finally learned what made her happy and how to teach her partner.

delirium's avatar

For women, yes. Absolutely. A woman can actually train herself to orgasm with a partner. Getting herself almost to the point of orgasm and then allowing the man to penetrate. You just need a patient guy. But i’m fairly sure he won’t mind watching.

Some (Read: Most) women will never be able to get off from penetration, or the little amount of stimulation the clitoris gets in most positions. (A lot has to do with the position of the clitoris on the female, and how close it is to the vaginal opening. Yes, its different for every woman.) I would advise investing in a small vibrator and adding it to your sexual fun.

I would not advise masturbating with a vibrator, however, because that can train the body to need direct extreme stimulation, which will make it difficult to get off with your fingers or his/her mouth. Don’t be a slave to the battery.

If you want studies and books and whatnot, you should read Bonk by Mary Roach. She talks about a lot of studies about this exact thing.

nikipedia's avatar

@delirium: Do you think it’s different for men?

And about the vibrator—take it back! :( :( :(

delirium's avatar

The danger for men is not being able to get off with a partner if they have the grip-of-death during masturbation. The penis Will get less sensitive. And the only way to fix that is to essentially deprive the penis of orgasm and only let it get off with a partner.

I can’t, dear! Eets Troo

baseballnut's avatar

Give up the Rabbit??? Impossible. I think it does make it a little tougher to achieve orgasm differently when you’ve become used to the instant, intense buzz but I sometimes think that’s more about haste than anything else.

Love the Rabbit!

delirium's avatar

If you’re not having any trouble with your fingers, you shouldn’t worry about it too much. :)
(I can only multi-orgasm with fingers, though. Which automatically makes my decision for me.)

nikipedia's avatar

It sounds like the same problem in both cases, then. Overstimulation by death grip or overstimulation by sacred, incredible, probably-the-best-invention-of-the-past-2000-years vibrator.

delirium's avatar

Well, death grip is worse. With death grip you’re actually going to build up more layers of skin over the years and totally ruin the ability to feel much sensation there.
That’s not going to happen to the clitoris. The clit is more trainable than the penis. (Funniest. Line. Ever.)

yetanother's avatar

Yeah, I’ve gotten pretty good! My personal record is astounding thanks to years of extensive training.

syz's avatar

For me, masturbating is more akin to sneezing as far as intensity and satisfaction, but quick and easy. With partner is more work and orders of magnitude better.

charybdys's avatar

@delirium, I’m almost positive that you don’t build up more layers of skin over the years. Sure the skin may get less sensitive from death grip, but I highly doubt you get more skin. Actually, this is anecdotal, but I’ve heard that people with clit piercings do become less sensitive in a while. I suspect it returns once a piercing is removed.

I’ve heard that the main problem is the same type of manual or mechanical stimulation over and over, makes it hard to orgasm any other way. So vary your approach.

delirium's avatar

I’m actually pretty sure that the skin can get thicker, protecting the nerves there from the death grip.

charybdys's avatar

It might, but wouldn’t that be a callous then. I don’t think people get callouses there, except in EXTREME situations.

Also, it can get less sensitive without the skin growing thicker. In fact, the penis becomes less sensitive when it become erect, otherwise intercourse would be impossible.

delirium's avatar

I didn’t call it callous.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

yes, as they say to men, don’t go out with a loaded gun.

Masturbate before sex to have stamina.

In sense, this is better for women, I’m sure you would hate to be with a one minute man before you can actually get off.

Also, if you masturbate a lot prior to actual sex, many days prior it will feel better when you actually have sex.

Case in point, tired of the same old thing, handgela and palmela, you actually get to do it with jessica and it feels so much better because your sticking it instead of stroking it.

For men.

scamp's avatar

I do much better with my partner. There’s something about the not knowing what will happen at any given moment that makes things more intense and pleasurable. Have you ever tried to tickle yourself? It’s just not the same as when someone else does it. The element of surprise makes all the difference!

girlofscience's avatar

Practicing by myself is irrelevant to my participation with my partner because I can only give myself clitoral orgasms, but I can only achieve vaginal orgasms through sexual intercourse. As I’m sure you know, they’re totally different, and getting good at one doesn’t help the other. I guess it would depend on the person and what type of orgasm(s) she can have by herself and with a partner.

ohmyword's avatar

Definitely. I’m a firm believer in the whole “you must love yourself before anyone else can love you” and I think it applies to both the mental and physical aspects of a relationship. If I hadn’t learned to please myself alone first, I would have had nooo clue what I was doing with someone.

Violet's avatar

By myself, but I am also using a high powered rabbit vibrator

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