Social Question

ilvorangeiceblocks's avatar

How to persuade someone not to have lunch with you?

Asked by ilvorangeiceblocks (860points) May 17th, 2014 from iPhone

I have a friend who works near the place where I work, at the shopping complex over the road. Whilst my lunch breaks are normally at the same time each week, those of the friend are super sporadic and they usually turn up at my work (in which there is an in store café, where we take our breaks together) expecting for me to go on break immediately. I have explained that because I can’t contact them during working hours by mobile, I normally have already had no choice but to go on break because of other coworker’s needs etc. Now it is especially so as at the moment we are hilariously understaffed, and my breaks are going to be interrupted every two minutes, and that will render any break time we have together redundant. Having explained this to my friend, they are threatening to take it personally, so y’all, after all that… got any excuses/cutting comebacks that won’t seem like I’m trying to avoid this person? Sorry, these are basically twelve year old problems, but that is what happens when you accidentally befriend crazies.

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8 Answers

chyna's avatar

“Lunch or breaks during the day are out of the question as we are crazy busy and short staffed. My boss does not allow for us to leave at unauthorized times. So why don’t we try to meet up after work for dinner or just to shop instead? That way I don’t get fired and I can spend more time with you guys.”

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

”...they are threatening to take it personally…”

“Take it any way you want. But if you’re truly my friend, then take it as I meant it, instead of how your insecurities choose to perceive it”.

Coloma's avatar

Oh man….I think you have to take a really firm approach, tell them that you are not available for lunch breaks, period. You can use @chyna s suggestion, but, it seems like maybe you might want to phase this person out of the picture permanently. haha
I also like what @RealEyesRealizeRealLies said. If it were me, I’d probably go for dumping the high maintenance “friend.”

Of course I am an older now, it gets easier the older you get to just tell people to piss off, you don’t need the drama. lol If someone refuses to respect your boundaries that is not a true friend, that is a frenemy.

Haleth's avatar

Try sending them a carefully-worded e-mail. If you an issue with someone, putting it in writing lets you say exactly what you want to say. If you still want to spend time with them, offer to hang out another time. Happy hour or appetizers after work would be a good one.

DipanshiK's avatar

Well you should make them understand that your office load is too much and you can’t hang out with them during office premises. It’s very tough to convince people about these things. But do make contact with them on phone whenever you’re free. Don’t just abandon them, that would be rude.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Explain it to your friend again as you did in the question above. If the friend wants to take it personally, find yourself a more mature friend—you may have just outgrown this pack. It happens a lot in life and not acknowledging this usually ends up as a waste of valuable years.

Or, the next time they ask you to lunch you can nonchalantly pick your nose and eat it while they are talking. And fart, if possible. If that doesn’t end the invitations, you’ve just discovered that they have incredibly low standards in choosing lunch mates which should convince you more than ever to move along without them. Although it might be a lot of fun to watch your friend’s face when you do this, you really shouldn’t have to go that far.

GloPro's avatar

Have drinks after work. Or do you not have a specific quitting time, either?

If my lunch was getting interrupted every two minutes I would leave for lunch. It’s a legal right to have a lunch break, and it sounds like that is being abused.

ilvorangeiceblocks's avatar

@GloPro our understaffing is only temporary, and so the interruptions will also be :)

Grazie, all!

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