I lost a lot of weight and gained it all back, what to do?

Several years ago I decided to lose weight. I went from 190 to 152. Then I graduated from college and I’m now back to 185.

I’m devestated and have no idea what to do. I don’t eat fast food, I eat 2–2.5 cups of veggies a day and several peices of fruit. I know how to cook healthy. I like whole grains, veegetables and fruits. Not a big meat eater.

I really struggle with portion sizes, even of healthy foods. I really have a hard time turning down food (which is relatively frequent at work).

I count calories. I always mess up. I plan my meals weekly but I just struggle to not indulge. I love to cook, and to cook healthy.

It seems so easy, and I swore I’d never regain but here I sit.

I have no children or boyfriend so no one cares if I die early of obesity.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Despite all this weight gain, I have never stopped trying to lose weight.

Maybe it’s all pointless and being fat is my destiny. I’m so tired of trying and trying and only bad coming of it. I feel at the end of my weight loss rope.

Exercise only feels like a punishment to me, no matter how fun it is to others (except walking). I’ve never found an exercise I enjoy, I just try to do things that are anti-fun in the hopes it’ll help but it never has any effect on my weight.

I have all the knowledge, but I’m still failing. What do I do?