General Question

PuppieLuv's avatar

What should I do about my friend being a jerk?

Asked by PuppieLuv (272points) May 25th, 2014

Friday, my friend was saying I should kill myself and that my accomplishments with my cutting weren’t good enough. I have gone 2 and a ½ months without cutting when i was doing it every day at one point. I feel hurt by what he said. Then I help out with people at my school who have disabilities and he started to make fun of them. I felt very offended. My mom thinks he is fine even though he has been doing this for almost a year and is really starting to hurt my feelings. I don’t know what to do because he said if i stop being his friend he will kill himself and it will be all my fault. But I don’t want to get hurt anymore and I don’t want him to kill himself and it be on me.

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37 Answers

chyna's avatar

You are only responsible for yourself. You are not responsible for what he may or may not do to himself. Please drop this person as a friend because he is not your friend.
Try to surround yourself with positive people so that you can see how positive life can be.

PuppieLuv's avatar

okay thanks I will try to think of how i can stop being his friend

johnpowell's avatar

He is not a friend.

If you cutting you need help. Go to the ER. They can help more than we can.

PuppieLuv's avatar

I went to the hospital first weekend of march i haven’t cut since march 13th and he is saying my accomplishment of going that long without self harm isn’t good enough

PuppieLuv's avatar

I am also getting in home intensive therapy two times a week and seeing my regular therapist once a week and I have my in-school therapists Thursdays and when I need her at school.

PuppieLuv's avatar

My mom called 211 this morning and we are waiting for someone to come out as well.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Let him kill himself. The world doesn’t need a jerk like this any way.

Just cut him off cold. No phone calls, no visits. If You see him on the streets he is now a stranger. Just walk away.
You can make new friends. You can live with no friends at all if need be.

Why on earth would you be cutting yourself? I have found in my lifetime that I can hurt myself just fine thank you with mere accidents.

But to do it on purpose…
I have heard of this before and I never understood it. Must be that I am from another time zone.

CWOTUS's avatar

You need to disassociate from this so-called friend. Immediately, and for your own salvation.

What you’re doing by trying to help others proves that you are a good person, no matter what your self-doubts (and this person) may say to you at other times when you are down and depressed. Remember that: You’re a good person. Even if for that reason alone right now the world needs you. Stay in it.

Everyone has hard times, bad moments, evil thoughts (and actions, if we admit it), depressing events and ideas and moments – sometimes even years’ worth – of self-doubt. But not everyone reaches out to others, even through all of that, to try to help others. So I expect that once you get your head straight, you might come to the realization that you are a very good person. Try to keep that in mind. You’re needed.

While it is obvious that you want to help people who need and want your help and could benefit from it, your ‘friend’ is not among those people. For some reason he wants to feel better about himself by suppressing or depressing those around him, including the people you try to help – and including you, too. You can’t help him, but it’s obvious that he needs help himself. (He won’t even accept hearing that from you; don’t even suggest it to him.)

I would also suggest that you try to open up to your mother more. She obviously doesn’t know about this person, or she would have told you what we’re telling you now. He’s bad news to you.

emanuelegomes's avatar

most people that threaten to kill themselves because of something you do, they don’t really go through with it; they say it because they know you care and know you’ll stick around because you are afraid.
Unhealthy relationships like this feed your depression and cause more harm than good.
Cut him off and find people that care and want to see you get better. Friends that help and show that they care and say positive things are the ones you hold onto.

PuppieLuv's avatar

Thanks you guys I will try my best to make him leave me alone and Dan Lyons I USED to cut i dont anymore but when I did it was to cause enough pain to get rid of the emotional pain. It worked but then when I ended up in a psych ward and they made me realize that it was an addiction and I have a family friend whose an acholic and I dont want to be an addict so it made me stop that comparison but i struggle with urges all the time but i dont anymore i use ice cubes to cause that pain now and it leaves no scars.

pleiades's avatar

You need to surround yourself with people with like minded goals. Positivity is living! I would know, being depressed holds myself back.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

I understand @PuppieLuv. Back in my teens I had access to Quaaludes with which to get me over those kinds of rough emotional times.

Things are much easier for me since I made friends with the creator of the universe.

PuppieLuv's avatar

I’m talking to nick now the “friend” and its not going well but we will see what the outcome is. I am trying to fix my life so it doesn’t suck. I am sorry that you had to go through that Dan Lyons. Emotions can be very hard sometimes.

AshLeigh's avatar

I had a “friend” like this after I stopped cutting myself. It was almost the exact same situation. Letting him stay in my life for so long was a mistake. It did more harm than good. You need to drop him as a friend. What he does because of it is not your fault.

PuppieLuv's avatar

just ended it with him

LuckyGuy's avatar

Do not let him manipulate you! EVER!
You need to take care of yourself and consider your own best interest. Clearly he is does not belong in your life.

I had a friend who was being manipulated by someone in a similar fashion. She constantly said she was going to kill herself. He was so worried, he finally called 911 and sent them to her house. Boy, was she pissed. “Why the hell did you do that?!” “Because you said you were going to kill yourself and I was worried about you.”
That ended the stupid manipulation crap she was trying to pull.

If he calls back and says he is going to do it, say “I’m sorry you feel that way but I have to do what is best for me.” – and hang up. If he calls you again and says he is going to do it. say again “I am sorry you feel that way.” – and hang up. Do not threaten to call 911. Don’t even mention it. Just do it! You both will be cured.

You are not his puppy dog!
Good luck!

FlyingWolf's avatar

By threatening to kill himself and saying it would be all your fault, he is manipulating you. Take @LuckyGuy‘s advice and don’t let that happen. Dude kills himself it is 100% on him and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Period. End of discussion.

You just keep focused on staying healthy and rid yourself of toxic influences in your life, with this guy being on the top of the list.

And congratulations on not cutting for over a month! That is a huge accomplishment and something you should be very proud of!

filmfann's avatar

It shouldn’t be hard to stop being his friend. He has already stopped being yours.

GloPro's avatar

Misery loves company. Don’t provide it.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

This guy sounds like he is on the way to becoming one of the world’s biggest assholes. Drop him like a hot rock. A spirochete can find better friend material than that.

PuppieLuv's avatar

thanks guys I took your advice and we aren’t friends anymore

chyna's avatar

@PuppieLuv Great! Stick to your guns and stay away from him. Work on taking care of yourself. Sounds like you are on your way to healing.

PuppieLuv's avatar

Thank you guys so much.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Seek's avatar

I’m a former cutter. This group of wonderful people have helped talk me down on a couple of instances where I felt the urge come back. It’s happening less and less now.

If there’s someone in your life who is harming your self-worth, leave them. Ignore them. Remove them from your life like you would a splinter from your finger. With no remorse.

Mariah's avatar

I am assuming you’re in high school.

Tell your guidance counselor about his threats to kill himself. Then cut him out of your life. He is a bad influence and you don’t need him; hopefully by telling the guidance counselor his problems will get dealt with too. But you need to focus on you; be well.

PuppieLuv's avatar

Thank you and yes I am a senior in high school and I will see who is available tomorrow and tell someone.

PuppieLuv's avatar

In school Nick is now finding me and almost stalking me the school was going to talk to him today but I have gym class tomorrow and when he is mad sometimes he gets physical with people. I don’t know what to do.

chyna's avatar

Are you scared? If so, tell your parents tonight.

PuppieLuv's avatar

I told my mom she is still making me go.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Go directly to your school counselor when you get to school. If the kid has a history as you say, the counselor would be negligent if he or she didn’t take immediate, direct action. And if the counselor doesn’t appear to want to do this, then you should inform them that if anything happens to you because of their inaction, the school, and the counselor personally, will be open to one helluva law suit and most certainly will be on that night’s news broadcast.

PuppieLuv's avatar

Okay thank you. I went today and they said they would talk to my gym teacher.

Erica111's avatar

They are not a true friend…

PuppieLuv's avatar

My mom has now made me be friends with him again so now I have to be a friend to him when inside I hate his guts.

chyna's avatar

Does your mom know that he is encouraging you to kill yourself? If so, there is something wrong with your mom.

CWOTUS's avatar

Are you sure that you’re old enough to be on this site, @PuppieLuv? What teenager has her mom deciding who her friends are? I can understand a parent saying “You may not be friends with so-and-so,” since that’s part of their job, but saying that you need to be friends with someone… that’s just not right.

What are we missing in this?

PuppieLuv's avatar

I’m seventeen and she is just controlling and thinks everything she says is right and I just go with it. Maybe it stems from issues with my dad where I fear that if I don’t agree or I say no I will be looked at badly and be ditched or rejected and stuff. I have major trust issues so now I just go with it and get hurt and deal with it. I cannot trust anyone but myself if I do I just risk getting hurt and sometimes bad enough where things go too far with my emotions.

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