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Chey97's avatar

When you meet your step child for the first time, how should act around the child? Like a mother, or just their daddys girlfriend?

Asked by Chey97 (59points) May 28th, 2014

I am so excited to meet my step son. Only, I’m not sure how I should act at first. I know I shouldn’t start to act like his mother right off the bat, but I want him to like me.

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16 Answers

janbb's avatar

Just as a friendly person. He has a Mom already. Depending on the age of the kid, I would give him lots of space and hang back a bit. It is probably a little awkward for him. Also, if you are Dad’s girlfriend, he is not your stepson yet.

marinelife's avatar

Be yourself. Be genuine. Do not act like his parent. You will never be his mother. Hopefully, in time, you can be his friend.

Chey97's avatar

OK. Thank you guys.

GloPro's avatar

Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t quite take to you no matter how you act. Give it time. Don’t force anything.
I moved in with my sister while her husband was in Iraq. It took about 6 weeks before her kids really accepted that I had any authority over their actions. They were only 4 and 5. They loved me and had fun with me, but when I tried to put my foot down it resulted in a backlash. They got over it in time.

Seek's avatar

You’re 16, hon. You’re not married. He is not your stepson.

Meet him as the person you are and be friendly.

Chey97's avatar

He’s 4 years old and his mom is a druggy and alcoholic. He’s with his grandma more than his mom. She was high for 3 days straight on method and then called her self a good mom. Her oldest is adopted because of her bull sh**. My boyfriend was with her for 7 years just because they had two kids together. He said Zaine will like me and will call me Momma. I just wanna make a good impression on him and his family.

Seek's avatar

How old is this boyfriend of yours?

JLeslie's avatar

Stepson? You are married already and never met your husband’s son? If I understand everything you wrote you are not married.

I would meet him like any other 4 year old. Smile, maybe shake his hand depending on his demeanor. Tell him your name and ask him his. Don’t crowd him too much, see how he warms up to you. Some kids are very outgoing and some more shy, let him be who he is and follow his lead. If he is playing with something you can ask him to show it to you, play whatever he is interested in.

Definitely don’t say you are his new mom or anything along those lines.

anniereborn's avatar

Perhaps the first thing you need to do is slow down. If you think of him as your “stepson” in this stage of the game, it could trip you up. Really just treat him kindly like you would any child.

GloPro's avatar

I have a concern about your 19 year old boyfriend being okay with his 4 year old son calling you Momma. Please reconsider allowing or encouraging this.
And please be using birth control to prevent becoming a mom at your young age.

cazzie's avatar

I’m a step mother. He was 8 years old when I met him. He is now 19. His mother was thrilled when I arrived on the scene because she was told I would be available for full time child care. (After a few weeks, I was presented with the boy and told I would be looking after him a week on my own, even though I couldn’t communicate with him and he was autistic.) I had no other expectation other than be a good babysitter and friend and make sure he ate and did what his parents expected. Don’t be his momma. Be his ‘Chey’.

janbb's avatar

Wait – your boyfriend is 19 and he was with the mother of his two children for 7 years? So he was with her from when he was 12? Something in this story doesn’t add up. And whatever else she is, his Mom is his Mom and you are not. (And especially not at 16.)

JLeslie's avatar

Oh Lord. 16? You are in high school not playing house, come on now. Does your boyfriend go to school? Work? What do your parents think about this guy? You are way ahead of yourself.

gailcalled's avatar

You have yet to meet your boyfriend’s parents, and still you said in your earlier question “He has a four year old son that I am very anxious to meet. I have always wanted a boy for my first child.”

This little boy is not and will never be your first child. At 16, you are still a child yourself.The boy’s mother was not high on “method.” it is methamphetamine or meth for short.

jca's avatar

What @JLeslie said.

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