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laura98's avatar

I feel so alone. What do I do?

Asked by laura98 (191points) June 8th, 2014

So since summer has officially started for me I feel relieved that the work load is officially dumped for awhile and I have some free time. However, now that I have a load of time to do all the things I wanted to do but couldn’t when I was overworked and stressed out with school I find myself incredibly lonely. To be incredibly honest, I don’t really have many friends. I’ve tried to make some, but for some reason it never works out. I have my one friend, but she is always busy with sports and she always joins a ton of travel teams during the summer and goes on vacation so I know I won’t be seeing much of her at all.

However, there is this boy I’m really into and honestly it wouldn’t matter to me if he didn’t like me back, being his friend would be super great honestly and I would immensely enjoy his company. He helped tutor me in math and I invited him to get ice cream with me and just simple gestures of friendship occasionally. Yet, once I finished for the year I hadn’t really heard from him or seen him for awhile. He is kind of a shy kid and I really just want to stress to him that I want to be friends and that I’m totally shy and awkward too, but without coming on too strong. I feel like I’ve been trying to show him I want to be friends outside of tutoring by inviting him places and such. One time he invited me to tag along to this ice cream place with his family, but it was after I invited him to go somewhere ( that really doesn’t count I guess?). Anyway, my Dad is a deacon and the kid I like works at the church. So one day I asked my dad if he would take me to this book store after mass,etc. It ended up that my dad asked the kid I liked to tag along with us because he knew I was feeling down about not hearing from him.

I had a great night with him and we talked and ate and made perverted jokes and he even caught me staring at him ( Awkward, I know) and gave me a little smile that made my heart melt. After that I mustered up the courage to ask him if he felt like watching a movie with me. He said yes and we sat on both of my couches in my living room and watched a flick.

I’m just worried since he is such a shy person he won’t ever text me or ask me to do anything with him. I have so much fun with him and he makes me feel so happy despite my loneliness. I know you have to sometimes work hard with people to gain a friendship, but I’ve tried so hard already and there seems to have only been a little breakthrough. What can I do to maybe get him to reciprocate?

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9 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

Ask him about himself. Or a common topic.

johnpowell's avatar

“I’m just worried since he is such a shy person he won’t ever text me or ask me to do anything with him. ”

Rejection is scary. Maybe you need to be the one that is afraid instead of him.

Really, I love when I am being chased. But I like strong woman.

Coloma's avatar

How long has it been since the movie night?
A week or so is no big deal, but yes, you might have to take the bull by the horns and just be bold enough to keep asking him/inviting him to do things. Hopefully after some more time goes by he will feel more comfortable reciprocating invites to hang out.
Is there a movie at the theater you think he’s like too?

Text him or call and ask him if he wants to go see a movie with you next week.
Two shy people might never get anywhere if one of them doesn’t take charge. Be bold kiddo!
If you make several more overtures and he still is not making return gestures then maybe you’ll have to move on, but don’t give up yet.

My daughters boyfriend a few years ago took forever to warm up, but once he did after about 6 months of them dating he really came into his own.

CWOTUS's avatar

I would suggest that you talk to the boy. Not at all the way you have written this question – leave all of the emotion and insecurity and loneliness and “what if” and “maybe this” and “perhaps that” out of it – just tell him straight up and simply what you want from him right now. Something along the lines of “I don’t want a boyfriend right now, but I would like a friend and I like you [okay, so there’s a little emotion and subjectivity], so would you like to hang out once in a while on a non-romantic basis this summer?” If you feel him wavering, then it would be okay to add “I could really use a friend.”

Think about all of the things that you’d like to pour out to him… and then say about 5% of that or less. You may have to practice to be able to cut it down that much. (Really. I’m serious.) If he likes you, as he seems to, then he may appreciate being able to be “just friends” with no pressure, and a lot less emoting, too.

I’m not saying that you should never bring up any of those things; by no means am I saying that. Just don’t lead with all of that.

“Hey, want to get some ice cream and watch a movie? Your turn to pick the flick,” would be a good start.

DWW25921's avatar

You worry to much, you’ll be fine… That’s all I’ve got. Huh…

Haleth's avatar

Do you guys have any interests in common? Because then you can keep the conversation going by talking to him about that.

For instance, if you were both into science fiction, you could tell him about a book you just read or a movie you think he’d be interested in. Stuff like that doesn’t have to be long- actually, it’s better if it’s short! Text him now and then in a way that’s fun and conversational. Then it will feel less weird to ask each other to hang out.

Likewise, if you meet someone and you get along, don’t be afraid to ask them to hang out. Again, keep it fun. Like, “you’re really cool, we should get together sometime!” The only way to become deeper friends with someone is by getting through the awkward getting to know you phase.

kritiper's avatar

It would be best to get used to it, like I have, like I did when I turned 23. You may always be alone and never get married or anything like that, so it’s best to accept it. If something better comes along at some point, great! I think lots of people have problems like yours and who would be better off if they followed my advice to you. Good luck!

LostInParadise's avatar

I was hoping that one thing would have led to another and that the guy would have asked you out. Apparently, he really is a bit shy, since the two of you seem to get along so well together. You need to gather up your courage and take the first step. You have to make it seem very casual and spur of the moment.

One thing that I am confused about. You say that he works at your church, but that you have not seen him in a while. Isn’t there some way that the two of you could be in the church at the same time?

Judi's avatar

In addition to the great advice here, I suggest you get involved in some activity that interests you over the summer. You shouldn’t put all your energy into a boy.

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